tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post1224980108169430409..comments2023-10-22T11:45:23.103-04:00Comments on dead baby jokes: not exactlyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-35014161949498127412009-05-13T14:27:00.000-04:002009-05-13T14:27:00.000-04:00ugh, after reading about this from artblog i decid...ugh, after reading about this from artblog i decided i did not particularly want to catch up on this whole line of talk that i had obviously missed during a few-weeks break with the internet but....i find myself sucked in! as to the question of which path to take, i find it just sad that any of these hoaxes are allowed to have enough power to take anything away from the overwhelmingly good, worthwhile, valid, supportive etc etc masses in the blogging community. once they're found out lets take away their power by ignoring them altogether.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01587725139301198392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-11959354686392832202009-05-12T21:17:00.000-04:002009-05-12T21:17:00.000-04:00Serenity, I wonder if you and I are talking about ...Serenity, I wonder if you and I are talking about the same woman....without naming names, did she have kids and an abusive husband?Maggienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-77399951370693778732009-05-07T10:55:00.000-04:002009-05-07T10:55:00.000-04:00Here from Stirrup Queens. This is a good post.
I ...Here from Stirrup Queens. This is a good post.<br /><br />I think that, early on into blogging, I was so gung ho about meeting bloggers because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't being hoaxed. I don't as much now because I take it on faith that someone is who they say they are.<br /><br />But there was one blog - not IF or child loss related - that I came across. I knew IMMEDIATELY that the "woman" blogging was spinning fiction. Not only were her stories over the top with horrid things, but there were a number of inconsistencies from post to post. And yet there were plenty of "wow, you're so strong for surviving that" comments.<br /><br />The people who outright lie have some need for power. And it's so easy to get it on the internet. Because you're as anonymous as you want to be.<br /><br />Lala - I will never believe that Cancerbaby was a hoax. I just won't. Her posts were too real.Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17765237663006604157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-225877504366126022009-05-07T08:41:00.000-04:002009-05-07T08:41:00.000-04:00I discovered a 'mother' who pretended she had lost...I discovered a 'mother' who pretended she had lost a child/baby (sometimes a stillbirth sometimes SIDs) plus had a child with leukemia (in some the child had already died) ,a son with autism and other lies (her mother died).<br />I was suspicious because her story didn't seem right. Dates wrong claiming her new baby had been born near anniversary of her child lost to leukemia, then a few days later this child dies.<br /><br />I tracked her through several different forums across the internet/countries and informed the moderators. The story was a little different on each one.<br /><br />She used similar names, with unusual spelling so it was easy to google her.<br /><br />I believed for this woman initially , many bereaved mothers (friends on the original forum) were very upset after reading of her multiple losses.<br />Heartbreaking and cruel.<br />Most of all she allegedly used her real childrens names ...<br /><br />It shattered me more that someone could fake losing a precious child.It does capitilise our emotions and cause intense pain.<br />I was so angry. <br />I was equally angry after reading about the woman on Carly's site too.<br />That was plain selfishness.♥.Trish.♥ Drumboyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13482654455512269065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-9722315278400826432009-04-30T17:13:00.000-04:002009-04-30T17:13:00.000-04:00I used to be on Fertility Friend and there was alw...I used to be on Fertility Friend and there was always some drama going on about someone faking a pregnancy, etc. It never directly impacted me so I didn't think much of it.<br />I have been taken advantage of in other areas of my life, however, and have in the past been very ashamed and felt stupid for allowing myself to be duped. My therapist recently pointed out that there is nothing wrong with being a kind, compassionate, and giving person and no reason to feel ashamed. The gift of friendship is just that...a gift. You can choose who you give it to but you can't choose what they do with it. And their abuse of your gift in no way tarnishes the feelings behind the giving in the first place.Catehttp://crazymama.today.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-30383394941382336862009-04-30T02:51:00.000-04:002009-04-30T02:51:00.000-04:00Thanks annon for you insightful comments about you...Thanks annon for you insightful comments about your husband. It reminds me of when I worked at the Down Syndrome Association we had a woman who used to ring us to process the grief about having a baby with DS. We would ask how the baby was getting along and send info and all sorts of the caring things we did for new mums. 9 months later we found out that she had actually terminated the pregnancy but had kept in contact with us (pretending to have kept the child) as a way of getting some support around it.<br /><br />You are right. Some greif is more socially acceptable than others.Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-60941202482699400902009-04-27T06:57:00.000-04:002009-04-27T06:57:00.000-04:00It never in a million years occurred to me that Ca...It never in a million years occurred to me that Cancer Baby might have been a hoax. I'm pissed off that I even read that.........Lalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007574951471223149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-1737139930466877352009-04-27T02:37:00.000-04:002009-04-27T02:37:00.000-04:00I think some people habitually exaggerate the trut...I think some people habitually exaggerate the truth because they've learned that 'loud' and 'big' and 'badder' is the way to get their story heard - at least for awhile and even if it isn't really their story anymore. I've watched people in groups tell a powerful story, but have no story telling skills, and be completely ignored by the group... later they try again with a wild version of the story and people listen up. <br /><br />Narrative is very powerful. I read to understand. I write to understand. I sometimes write about things that aren't about me to 'try the experience on' for understanding (but never post it as my own story). Similar to the way that I get a gut feeling that something bad happened and imagine what would it would feel like if the call was THE call with the worst news ever. I know it is fiction and thank god its not the real experience, but it is a way to taste how bad it could be, and that helps me experience my current reality more intensely. <br /><br />I do work in a field where I often share bits of stories to illustrate the diversity of people's experiences.. as in I had a patient/client once that had x and 5 years later it looked like y. I always change names and details. That is the game, and after awhile it becomes second nature. It is oh so easy...<br /><br />I don't know why people lie, but I do know that it can be easy and often rewarding... until its not. <br /><br />I found one of the recent TAL stories (http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1291) strangely relevant to this topic...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-69477047077089025062009-04-24T18:13:00.000-04:002009-04-24T18:13:00.000-04:00A few years ago I found a blog written by a woman ...A few years ago I found a blog written by a woman claiming to have 3 kids (one of them sick) and living with a physically abusive husband. There were always issues, one after the other, and she was always asking people to send her money so she could leave him. She went back and forth between being a scared, helpless woman and being a strong, confident woman that would mock her husband to this face...it just seemed so fake. I think a lot of people were questioning her. Everytime the questioning would become too intense, she would shut her blog down and resurface under a new blog. <br /><br />It's so weird that I found your post today, because earlier I was looking at someone's twitter feed and saw a name this woman once went by. I clicked on that name, and this woman is now twittering, with the same stories (except this time her kid is even more sick!). <br /><br />There are also rumors that someone verified she was the same person who wrote a scathing website about "mommybloggers," even photoshopping pictures of their kids with gross captions.Maggienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-11695036326190034482009-04-24T13:21:00.000-04:002009-04-24T13:21:00.000-04:00I feel ya Akeeyu, I think the same thing when I r...I feel ya Akeeyu, I think the same thing when I reread what I've written. Because hell, how many more suckass things can happen. Actually, don't answer that, there are so many other hard things that life could throw.Heatherhttp://doyouhearanecho.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-82812748318899343982009-04-24T11:12:00.000-04:002009-04-24T11:12:00.000-04:00I knew a guy once who told the most fantastical li...I knew a guy once who told the most fantastical lies about his own life... it was absolutely ridiculous, but even when challenged he just kept lying.<br /><br />I still remember one day some of us were talking because a girl's cousin had just died suddenly - and he piped up "yeah, that happened to me" - and what he meant was he had DIED. Seriously. His "me me me" reaction was so automatic he claimed to have died before he could catch himself.<br /><br />I think in most cases it's a sick plea for attention; the side benefit of getting money and gifts is secondary to the sympathy, I suspect. There is one very prominent blogger I stopped reading because Every. Single. Post. was high drama - and if she had nothing specifically dramatic going on in her life, she created some. <br /><br />I just stop reading the ones that seem at all suspect. There are enough real stories out there, I don't need fake horrors too.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15855682469727450176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-70235009439005894482009-04-24T02:25:00.000-04:002009-04-24T02:25:00.000-04:00I find it hard to believe my own story so I can im...I find it hard to believe my own story so I can imagine that someone reading it would wonder the same. It has been a bit of a fear of mine actually - that someone will think I'm a fraud. But all I can do is try to be myself (a hard enough task!)<br /><br />In real life I had a woman at a pottery class tell me to my face that she didn't believe me. Firstly, doing the class was a bad move at the time, it was filled with mothers talking about their children. I hadn't realized. I thought, naively, that it would be about making pots. I didn't contribute a word for 9 weeks and then on the final week, this woman asked me, "So do you have any children??" I told her about my dead ones. She said, "I don't believe you. That could not happen. They must have all died for the same reason. My husband is a doctor. I'm going to ask him if this is even possible." I think she added a "Haaruumph" at the end of that. I simply waved my hand and said, "Be my guest" and went back to turning on the wheel. Next session, I was dying to ask her, "So did you talk to your husband about me?" But I didn't. I still felt too shocked. She did not offer any feedback if she did - completely ignored me. Hopefully, her husband put her in her place. I finished the course with the satisfaction of throwing a pot better than she could. Dumb bitch.<br /><br />I had one on-line person fool me for years. But you know what, when I finally learned the truth, I didn't feel betrayal as much as I felt vindicated. All along my instincts were true! Honestly, it was like my head finally cleared and I perfectly, happily walked away.<br /><br />On the forum that I help to admin, the people who turn out to be hoaxes often will have claimed to have multiple losses - which I find particularly upsetting. Like one just isn't enough of a story?? It really burns me up. But there is a formulaic approach to the telling of the stories, and a pattern to the escalations. Eventually, they get caught. We hand validate, asking for specific information. It does help I think.<br /><br />This kind of stuff always makes me think of Fight Club. I think there is a book out there waiting to be written. If I knew how, I'd do it!<br /><br />I'm not sure what motivates people. Perhaps it is the detachment from social boundaries that the internet can provide for some. I always think of that Far Side comic with the dog sitting in front of a computer with the caption, "On the internet, no one knows you are a dog..."Karinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00422440351227886164noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-73111645692384431802009-04-23T19:34:00.000-04:002009-04-23T19:34:00.000-04:00I'm so sorry to hear this. why?
disgustingI'm so sorry to hear this. why?<br />disgustingHenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13619441212339613269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-45071673456195558272009-04-23T18:37:00.000-04:002009-04-23T18:37:00.000-04:00Reading these comments as a suicide survivor rathe...Reading these comments as a suicide survivor rather than a child-loss survivor I wonder whether anyone ever doubted my story. It'd be a great piece of fiction. Sadly, I actually have to live it.Rebeccahttp://clumsykisses.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-8502899595182315172009-04-23T17:30:00.000-04:002009-04-23T17:30:00.000-04:00Sometimes I wish I could be a little less real on ...Sometimes I wish I could be a little less real on my blog. Just to make myself a little more exciting. But I can't. Because I'm not. <br /><br />But yeah, some people are seriously messed up. i'd like to think they've been injured somehow, themselves.Furrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08617566957749784387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-87875173839976061812009-04-23T14:28:00.000-04:002009-04-23T14:28:00.000-04:00I don't think I've ever come across a fake blog, t...I don't think I've ever come across a fake blog, though I've had a few suspicions here and there. I don't get it, never will, why someone would want to fake a deadbaby. Really. It is a mental sickness beyond anything I can fathom. But I tend to believe people are honest, and IRL, that has come back to bite me in the butt more than once.Virginiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07965042538225388563noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-50458760462204764382009-04-23T10:52:00.000-04:002009-04-23T10:52:00.000-04:00Ok, now I'm even more amazed that I even write my ...Ok, now I'm even more amazed that I even write my blog, because like Akeeyu, I can't actually believe that everything that has happened to me, HAS happened to me.<br /><br />Like right now? Things are shit. Things I can't really discuss, even on an Anon blog, and I'm tired of being so negative so I'm just blogging less, instead of writing about every single awful thing.<br /><br />I wish it was fake. FML, I wish!<br /><br />Speaking of that, have you ever heard of that website?<br /><br />http://www.fmylife.com/<br /><br />Now that's bad.Aureliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13691032415028867902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-91047478757716569712009-04-23T10:17:00.000-04:002009-04-23T10:17:00.000-04:00I married a hoaxster.
Seriously. I decided to spe...I married a hoaxster.<br /><br />Seriously. I decided to spend the rest of my life with someone who lied, lied, lied. Told me all sorts of shit that wasn't true. Spun elaborate stories. Wrote beautiful emails. I was in love. I cyberstalked him and turned up on his doorstep one day as a surprise, and the whole house of cards came crashing down.<br /><br />And you know what I discovered? An incredibly brilliant, kind, loving person, who was stuck in a genuinely lousy-ass life studded with genuinely shattering loss and abuse -- the kind of loss and abuse that's harder to tell a stranger than the fake kind. <br /><br />Nearly fifteen years later, the lies are a distant memory, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. If he had to lie to get me, then I'm glad he did, because we have a house, kids and dogs together. He is kind and gentle and makes me laugh every single day. He doesn't lie any more.<br /><br />A long way of saying: the hoax is detestable, but often the hoaxster is translating genuine pain into the language a particular environment can understand. Sometimes it might be easier to say "my baby died" than "my father molested me every night for seven years".<br /><br />I have never regretted forgiving a hoaxster and digging deeper to find the person underneath. My pride was hurt, but I gained everything.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-92142278279905530652009-04-23T10:00:00.000-04:002009-04-23T10:00:00.000-04:00Absolutely appalling. I really feel for Carly... b...Absolutely appalling. I really feel for Carly... being used that way. Just sick and wrong. <br /><br />I never really thought about doubting what I've read on blogs. Perhaps a few rare instances, but I'd like to believe people are honest (yeah, I can be naive sometimes). And like some of the others, my own story strikes me as a little surreal.leannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-7394516986522192142009-04-23T09:44:00.000-04:002009-04-23T09:44:00.000-04:00There was a girl on a miscarriage support board I ...There was a girl on a miscarriage support board I was on who I doubted some of what she posted. I left that board after her 13th miscarriage in a year and a half. Not because of her but other issues. So sometimes I do wonder if what I am reading is real or fiction. Just makes me feel sorry for the people who are making it up. And pissed because it puts doubts in people's minds about those of us who have experienced loss. <br />I sometimes feel like a fraud myself because my losses were so early and I read about other's losses so late in a pregnancy or even at or after the birth. <br />I just post whatever I feel the need to complain about these days though and swear alot. ;) <br />I do wonder what motivates people to do those things though.Shinnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11233585920183280455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-83978300113186138092009-04-23T09:28:00.000-04:002009-04-23T09:28:00.000-04:00I'm with akeeyu--I find so much of my own story im...I'm with akeeyu--I find so much of my own story improbable that, often, I just keep it to myself b/c I don't want to deal w/ people who may not believe me, and won't know how to say it. As a matter of fact just yesterday I had a huge misunderstanding w/ someone b/c he assumed my offhand remark about getting a death threat over Frances's size was a joke. (It wasn't.)<br /><br />so I try to be generous and open to being fooled. I've been on the receiving end of misplaced skepticism, and ouch.<br /><br />I do know one good weirdo story, though--a nanny pretended that the boy she was looking after was hers. Took photos of them, cribbed someone else's posts, had a whole copy blog and--get this--turned the baby into a girl and pretended to breastfeed it when meeting up with other online mom friends. Eww eww eww.<br /><br />Not intending to terrify anyone here who hires nannies. I'm sure it's a very small percentage who are so unbalanced.Andreahttp://blog1.andreamcdowell.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-76794335999388078882009-04-23T08:23:00.000-04:002009-04-23T08:23:00.000-04:00wow. i've never come across someone's blog that s...wow. i've never come across someone's blog that seemed an actual lie. but i can be sort of naive about trusting people sometimes.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-39634227376265890912009-04-23T04:11:00.000-04:002009-04-23T04:11:00.000-04:00I always suspect that my blog is fake, because ser...I always suspect that my blog is fake, because seriously, what else can go wrong with me, medically? Even *I* find it improbable.<br /><br />Personally, I suspect that eventually my head will fall clean off my shoulders, making blogging nearly impossible, and that will be the end of that.akeeyuhttp://www.herveryown.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-54901104337231863722009-04-23T02:12:00.000-04:002009-04-23T02:12:00.000-04:00i'm thinking Fight Club - you know how HBC and was...i'm thinking Fight Club - you know how HBC and was it Edward Norton(?) meet because they are support group addicts. Funny in a movie.Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-225058560254819105.post-17326101239180292722009-04-23T02:06:00.000-04:002009-04-23T02:06:00.000-04:00I've read warnings about this. I did have odd feel...I've read warnings about this. I did have odd feelings about one person I used to be in contact with on a forum - the tone of her writing switched so easily from dramatic story to really mundane ramblings that I felt quite confused reading it.<br /><br />Anyway, wiki has a good little definition with notes on how to detect munchausen via internet.<br /><br />http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_by_InternetBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11890663570732346315noreply@blogger.com