Sunday, March 18, 2007

intuition

Trust your instincts, they say. The problem is that my instincts are almost always wrong. Note that I said "almost." If they were always wrong, I could work with that. It would be a simple matter of arranging to do not-X once my gut told me to do X. But it's never that easy.

My instincts tell me that I'm heading for another shattering disaster. My instincts tell me that it will all end in tears.

"Listen to your heart," says my mother. She doesn't realize that it's murmuring in a language that I can't possibly understand.

8 comments:

Sara said...

Oh dear Niobe. What's the shattering disaster? My sick curiosity is raised.

LeRoy Dissing said...

I am wondering about your instincts and if they are almost always wrong, what caused that to happen? Is there a way to recalibrate them or interpret more accurately what your instincts are trying to tell you? Just curious about that the impending disaster you seem to fear coming....

niobe said...

Oh gosh. I thought it would be obvious. I'm considering another pregnancy, most likely with a gestational carrier.

I just can't bear to go through this again. Of course, I couldn't bear to go though this the first time either.

LeRoy Dissing said...

I missed that altogether! You have a medical problem that doesn't allow you to become pregnant or carry a child to term I take it? Will the same person do it as before?

Sara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara said...

It was obvious. I just didn't want to comment and be wrong. It will inevitably end in tears, but hopefully happy ones this time.

Mrs. Blessed said...

Niobe, I can relate. When the time comes for you to share more fully, please tell us more of what you are going through.

Aurelia said...

Niobe, I didn't understand this at first.

All I can say is that using a gestational carrier will not save you from grief over another lost child if anything happens, and there are things that can be done if you are concerned about preeclampsia for yourself.

They've tried a few of these things with me, because of my placental problems. If I ever find a good egg, I might be able to use them, but in the meantime, I'm happy to pass the info on.