other people's babies

Another one of my sisters-in-law is expecting a baby. My family, of course, hid the news from me, on the ground that it would upset me too much. Of course it would -- it does -- but now, added to my grief, is a painful distrust. I just can't rely on my family to tell me anything. Did they honestly think I would never find out? That they could conceal it from me forever?

The only thing I can think to do is to buy my sister-in-law some kind of present. Not that it will make me feel any better. On the contrary, I'm sure it will make me feel worse, sorting through baby toys and clothes that my babies will never have or need. But what else can I do? Except, of course, cry. And I do more than enough of that already.

Like goes on. And on.