Thursday, March 8, 2007

what i meant to say


It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a mother without a child is in want of a blog.

Or something like that. Sorrow gives us voice, while joy is largely silent. Over the years, whenever bad things have happened, I've written about them, mostly in speckled black and white covered composition books. I remember being perpetually dissatisfied with, of all things, the handwriting, so I'd tear out the pages, trying not to leave ragged edges, and rewrite the entries in smaller, more pointed letters. Eventually, I'd give up, realizing that I'd been reduced to saying the same thing over and over again: "I am sad. I am sad. I am so very very sad."

At the beginning of every journal, I'd write the same phrase that I've put in the header of this blog: hinc illae lacrimae -- hence these tears. I should have stopped there. The rest is commentary.

So tell me (or ask yourself), why do you blog?

9 comments:

Catherine said...

*Delurking*

heh...funny you should ask this today, given the post I'm working on at the moment.

I started blogging because I was expecting my second child and wanted to share the happiness. Unfortunately, the second child and that happiness eluded me (same with the third child). Now I blog about everything. Yes, there is a lot of sadness and tears. But there is a lot of laughter and smiles too. I blog to give my thoughts some place to go other than my overloaded brain.

msfitzita said...

I blog out of necessity for the most part. All the sad, tortured thoughts that rattle around in my brain need to come out lest they eat me alive. So I put them in my blog and carry on.

I also get a lot of joy from freeing those thoughts - from the creative process of writing - and that's been incredibly therapeutic.

I also blog for companionship. I have made some very strong connections to the women I have "met" in blogland, and I count them as very important friends in my life.

Like Catherine, I started my blog when I was expecting our son. And now I blog to survive his loss.

Aurelia said...

I blog for many reasons, but mine was started after my losses, so a big part of it has been to find a support group to replace my in person one after it no longer "fit".

My political vents and rants are helpful so that I don't accidentally spew them out at meetings in IRL!

But I also want to find a way to help people who go on the internet and look for information about losses that occur because of things like my son's Trisomy 18. Medical stuff can be to technical, and the emotions are important too, but rarely covered by PubMed extracts.

And if one of my googlers is helped even a tiny bit by part of my story, then I feel like something good may have come out of something so sad.

Anonymous said...

I don't blog but read a lot of blogs. I guess to further understand woman, the human condition and find more empathy and compassion for people.

LawMommy said...

I blog because if I don't write, I'll go crazy. I blog because there are things I have to say, but I'm not really "allowed" to say in real life.

I blog therefore I am??

Anonymous said...

I started my blog about 1,5 year after I had lost my baby son after 7 months of pg. What followed his loss was a long period of grieving, starting over, miscarrying, and then thankfully receiving another baby (this one alive and kicking).

I visited my sister's photo blog one day and said: 'it seems you have such a great life' - but of course knowing her, realising her life wasn't all that great as was portrayed in her blog.

I decided I wanted an end to the long period of sadness, and vowed that I would write something funny, or something positive on my blog everyday. So that one day I could look back, read the entries and think: 'gosh that woman has a great life!" And so it went! I don't blog every day, but regularly and always try to focus on the positive.

Basically I rewrite history in order to improve my life! And you know what: sometimes it works, too!

;-)
Good luck to all of you who are dealing with recent losses. It sucks, but it WILL get better one day.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I didn't add my name, it's Marlou and my blog is http://marlou.punt.nl

Monica said...

I blog because I'm scared one day I'll forget about Jimmy and I don't want to do that. I want to be able to still cry when I think of him swaddled in his blanket when the nurse handed him to me. I write to remember so that I'll never forget.

Smiling said...

I blog to make things real, to get away, to gain perspetive, but more than anything to create something - anything - out of what I'm feeling.

At this point I don't care too much about the quality of what I am creating, just that I am doing something that feels honest and of me.