details, details

I was so shocked to get the profiles of the potential GSs that I was pretty much struck speechless. And I realize that I didn’t give a very good explanation of how the process works.

Basically, after an initial phone screening and background check, the potential GS fills out a questionnaire. The questions on it ask about things like her medical history, including the history of her past pregnancies, her reasons for wanting to become a GS, how she will explain it to her family and friends, what kind of people she would not be willing to work with. At this point, it’s entirely anonymous.

The intended parents (IPs)look through the questionnaires and see if one looks like a good match. Obviously, the GS and the IPs need to agree on some important points. For example, if the GS wants a relationship where she would visit the child frequently, while the IPs want no contact whatsoever, it just wouldn’t work. And the GS and the IPs need to have the same view on what decision they would make if prenatal testing showed serious problems.

But other than that, there are an number of issues that might matter to one set of IPs, but not to another. Note: these do not apply to any of the profiles I was given, since I asked the agency to screen out people with these issues.

For example, my clinic accepts GSs with BMIs of up to (I think) 34. So, if a woman was 5'2" (1.57 meters) she could weigh up to 185 pounds (84 kilos). While the vast majority of women have normal, healthy pregnancies at a BMI of 34 (or even more), I, personally, would feel more comfortable with a slightly lower BMI.

Or, since I’m paranoid about preeclampsia, I would be reluctant to work with a GS whose most recent pregnancy was more than, say, five or six years ago. Again, the risk of preeclampsia is minuscule, particularly in a second pregnancy, if you didn’t have it in the first. But there’s a slightly higher (though still extremely low) risk if there’s a long space between pregnancies.

Once the IPs have picked someone they think would be a good match, the GS is given a similar questionnaire filled out by the IPs, asking questions like why they are looking for a GS and what kind of relationship they envision during the pregnancy. For example, there would be problems if the GS wants to preserve some measure of privacy during the delivery, while the IPs plan on bringing in a video crew to film every detail.

If the GS is happy with the IPs, the agency sets up a phone call, so they can get a little more sense of whether they can work together. And if both sides agree, the process can begin.