falling forward
I've been trying to understand why the phrase "everything happens for a reason" (though I'm sure it's helpful to some people) invariably sets my teeth on edge. I've decided it’s because that particular platitude seems to mean, in essence, "things happen and then other things happen." In other words, the “reason” is supplied by whatever the future brings. You know, post hoc ergo propter hoc.* But that’s a logical fallacy, not a philosophy of life.
*After, therefore because of
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And also, because if life was like that platitude, we would essentially be no more than sock puppets, seeing as nobody ever asks us whether we are willing to pay this particular price for whatever future bliss is being offered.
I read Lee's blog frequently and decided to check out people who post frequently on his.
I came across yours, and was particularly struck by this post. After having a rather rough past year and a half, I have heard that stupid phrase uttered more times than I can count by well-meaning individuals who are trying to somehow make you feel better.
Even better is the "Everything is going to be ok." Really? Really? Is it? In the grand scheme of life, yes I'm sure everything will "be ok." But that doesn't help the present situation and I think that statement plus "Everything happens for a reason" is a statement uttered when one doesn't know how to respond, is uncomfortable and wants to say something to wrap up the conversation.
Cynical? Perhaps.
God I hate those "things happen for a reason" people. Isn't it possible, even bloody likely, that sometimes things happen that are just rotten awful, and they happen just BECAUSE they happen, and those happenings are wretched and there is no rhyme or reason to them? I refuse to believe that the horrible tragedies that befall people are the result of some master plan. I refuse.
Gretchen
You know, amazingly enough, no one has said that to me. Not sure why, but thank goodness they haven't. I can think of only a few worse things than being told my child an expendable prop.
It is totally ridiculous, I agree. Would anyone dare look into the face of someone widowed on 9/11 and say that?
What reason could there be for losing one's husband, wife, son, daughter, mother, father like that?
And if it's inappropriate to say in a circumstance like that, what circumstance would make it appropriate?
No circumstance.
I used to really believe in that phrase but now, I'm not sure anymore.
Thing is, we'll never really know will we?
Everything happens for a reason.
Therefore everything is justified.
Wait a minute, that's terrible.
Well you already know my distaste for the phrase "meant to be" which falls under this same category.
There is a BIG difference between creating meaning in the aftermath of loss, or in fact using your loss as a platform for growth or change, and deciding that the later growth or "good" was the reason for the loss. BIG difference. Tragedies happen, and to propose there is some good "reason" behind it belittles the experience and grief of those affected by the tragedy. These phrases are uttered by people looking for easy answers.
I can't stand this phrase, although I know I've uttered it myself in the past when trying to convince myself that all the things happening to me weren't just random hideous chance.
That would SUCK!
I agree with aurelia on this because I have said it myself as a way to wrap my mind around something inconceivable and for which I find no rationale justification. Whether there is a reason or not it doesn't change what happened nor lessen the feelings that result. Suffice it to say that I have to cope (or not) with whatever comes my way, whenever it comes, however it comes and by whom. I can't know with absolute certainity that anything will happen. I can plan for it; hope for it; do what I can to make it happen but it doesn't guarentee it...sad but true.
Perhaps the best thing to say is nothing at all and just listen while being present.
Uh. It could be because it's utter bullshit. Some people say that because they're not strong enough to accept that some things DON'T happen for any good reason. Because if they accepted that they would be very very afraid when they realized that bad stuff could happen at no particular time through no fault of their own.
Very scary. Welcome to my life! LOL.
When people say that it always annoys me because I assume that 1.Nothing very bad has ever happened to them or they would never say something that dumb. 2. Something bad has happened to them, but they're so weak that they need magical thinking to get them through the day.
Maybe I'm a little bitter.
I'm grappling with this one, too, as you know.
I think it's just a sub rosa way of saying "it's God's way", a saying which sticks in my craw even more than "everything happens for a reason".
Exactly what Lori said.
It's an awful expression, and when the God implication becomes overt, it goes beyond awful into blasphemous.
I hate that one and I hate, "But you're a better person for having gone through it!" Really? I hadn't noticed.
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