Sunday, April 8, 2007

i'm not listening

Talked to Sam over the weekend, who doled out sympathy and suggestions in approximately equal parts. He's absolutely right -- there are so many things that I could do to make my life better, to make myself happier. But I feel paralyzed and as if whatever step I take will ultimately turn out to be both irrevocable and wrong. Conclusion: I should stop talking to Sam.

As Alanis Morrisette puts it: it's the good advice that you just can't take. Though, in this case, it's not exactly ironic. It's more like poetic justice. Without the justice.

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew what you should do, but you just couldn't make yourself do it?

10 comments:

S. said...

Oh, Niobe, all the time. It took me more than a year and half to find therapy after the debacle of Z.'s hospitalization. And then I dropped it again after 2 sessions, only getting back again now.

I feel like I missed something--who is Sam?

Ruby said...

Yes, all the time. I end up feeling worse, like I failed myself...again.

LeRoy Dissing said...

I was going to ask the same of Sam but I am guessing it is Niobe's husband???

Unfortunately, most of us are walking contradictions either doing what we know we shouldn't or not doing what we know we should. You seem to be still traumatized and that appears to be causing the paralyasis you are experiencing. Hope you can talk to someone, if not Sam. Just to have someone listen and be present is helpful.

niobe said...

Oh, Sam (not his real name, of course) is an old friend of mine. Who has many of his own problems, but is particularly acute at diagnosing mine.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

That experience is probably one of the textbook definitions of depression, at least in my experience. I used to just view that feeling as my laziness but I have since realized (thanks to meds and years of great therapy) that it is indicative of when my depression sets in. That intertia, that constant discomfort and painful lethargy, a disinterest in doing what would help me feel better...for me, it is all depression. When I am in a better space, I take action with much less hesitation.

Not sure if this resonates with you at all....

niobe said...

LIW: You make a good point. My total helplessness is probably not only depression, but, most likely, anger turned back against myself. Though, of course, I don't feel particularly sad or particularly angry.

Aurelia said...

I feel like this quite often. It does pass, it just takes time. Talking helps, even to people we don't want to listen to.

Gypsyhick said...

I'd love to say I'm *always* doing as I should, but then my counsellor and group therapist would note that I've been notably absent for several months.

And then I beat myself up for not "helping" myself out. But I just can't, so, well, what can a gal do other than keep talking and hopefully find some motivation ?

I hope you have a wonderful day today at the very least.

Phantom Scribbler said...

All right, I'll play contrarian if no one else will. Usually when I can't bring myself to do something, it's because it really ISN'T the right thing for me to be doing. Despite the well-meaning advice of others. But maybe I'm particularly idiosyncratic, or my usual advice-givers are particularly clueless...

niobe said...

Phantom I really like that idea. Mainly because it absolves me from responsibility for doing so many things that I just don't want to do. I hope you're right.