despair
It starts just below your ribs, then floods upwards like some warm, corrosive liquid. It crams your throat until you choke on it. It engulfs you from within, a tsunami in reverse. It drowns you, swallows you whole.
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what i meant to say
reading list
- a directory for grieving families
- a failure of imagination
- a little pregnant
- a mending heart
- a second chance
- a series of unfortunate events
- adventures of law mommy
- all about preeclampsia
- am i doing okay
- amelies welt
- an accident of hope
- and here we are
- and the duck said
- antigone lost
- antropóloga
- apron strings
- awful but functioning
- baby passionfruit
- baby proof
- beaten but not bowed
- beautiful
- beyond the pale
- bloggings by deshaine
- blood signs
- box of rain
- bringing gabriel home
- broken heart diaries
- bub and pie
- certainly not cool enough to blog
- collecting raindrops
- coming2terms
- conceive this
- creating motherhood
- crib chronicles
- cruchy granola
- curvatude
- days of our lives
- discovering me
- doc grumbles i presume
- dragondreamer's lair
- drama 2b mama
- eight million pieces
- emma's mum
- everything is under control
- excavator
- expectant waiting
- finding my way home
- footprints on my heart
- for the flavor
- fortune cookie follies
- froggy baby
- glow in the woods
- greenblogger
- grownups are like that
- healing arts
- henry street
- her very own
- high land hard rain
- hopeful momma
- i thought unicorns were a myth
- i will be mom*
- i will never be over it
- i won't fear love
- i'm a smart one
- in her shoes
- in the land of broken hearts
- infertile fantasies
- julian's room
- just crazy enough to try
- just one more
- klepsydra
- la la land
- life after heartache
- life can be
- life from here
- life of uncertainity
- life with love and loss
- little beans 4 me
- losses and gains
- magpie musing
- making sense of it all
- mary's madness
- max's mommy
- maybe baby
- mcpolish
- me and my shadows
- miracle dive
- missed conceptions
- mommy wants vodka
- moshka*
- mother in mourning
- motherhood and angels
- my journey towards my little miracle
- my pain i hide
- my reality
- my resurfacing
- my scar smiles at me
- mystery mommy
- nate nate roller skate
- needs new batteries
- nicolas' garden*
- no matter how small
- noah steven
- not done yet
- one big maybe
- one tired ema
- painted maypole
- phantom scribbler
- plan b
- please give me back my heart
- project t*
- punch drunk
- pyjama mummy
- raspberry chip
- relaxing in the parlor
- rhymes with javelin
- riding the grief rollercoaster
- ryan was here
- seed dispersal mechanisms
- slouching past 40
- so close
- so dear and yet so far
- special survivors
- spin me i pulsate
- spiraling into control
- sticky bean
- sticky bun
- still hopeful
- still life with circles
- still passing open windows
- stitched up for the second time
- surviving my loss
- sweet/salty
- tears are for babies
- thalia's fertility journey
- that was the plan
- the callipygian chronicles
- the fertile soul
- the impatient patient
- the journey from here
- the littlest bean
- the para graph
- the view from the hill
- the woman who cried pregnant
- there's hope
- think pink
- third time lucky
- this is not what i ordered
- this that and the mother thing
- this too shall pass
- thomas woz 'ere
- three minute palaver
- too much too soon
- town criers
- trapped under ice
- trying to have a baby that lives
- tuesday's hope
- uncommon misconceptions
- under the mad hat
- unpollinated
- untangling knots
- uppercase woman
- wabi-sabi life
- waiting for . . .
- weebles wobblog
- what am i
- what does not kill you makes you stronger
- wheels on the bus
- which box
- wishing it would get easier
- words of a life
- write about there
- writing as jo(e)
- year of consolation
19 comments:
powerful image, that tsunami in reverse.
hugs.
perfect description.
more hugs.
(((niobe)))
It's a powerful and accurate description. But I have to ask, are you ok?
((((niobe))))
yes, it does. And I'm so sorry.
And it so often comes when we least expect it, doesn't it?
I'm so sorry. I am sending you thoughts of peace and healing today.
Oh, sweetie. I wish I could do more to help. One of the drawbacks of virtual friendship.
Thank you all. I really appreciate everyone's support. Some days are just harder than others.
((HUGS)) Niobe. I'm sorry today is so difficult.
So sorry you're feeling despair - here's hoping the tides turn quickly.
(((Niobe)))
Niobe, when I read this, the feeling is sooooo familiar to me. I am right there with the despair, but usually it takes a right turn to my heart, where I can actually say I can feel the break.
I'm sorry it's so awful. There are hard days, but there are easier ones too. I'm thinking of you.
Even a tsunami in reverse starts and ends the same. Its what it leaves behind that is despairing to be sure. The skies are clear and the sun shines even during a tsunami....and it hits with no visble signs of warning. I hope your despair subsides niobe as quickly as it came.
Some say that drowning is the most peaceful way to die, while others say it is the most painful. I wonder which is true. Either way, you die, I guess.
I sincerely hope it gets better.
This description sounds all too familiar to me. Yet in my case it starts a little lower, in the stomache...and the results of that "corrosive liquid" stay with me for quite some time.
I'm so sorry things are hard right now.
I'm sorry this has been a hard day. :)
Oh, Niobe. I'm so sorry. I hope tomorrow your despair, so vivid today, is nothing more than a fading memory.
Thinking of you, niobe. As you said, some days are so hard. I hope that tomorrow is less so.
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