meaning less
A few days ago, a very nice person said to me, "Niobe, you're a survivor"
"Oh," I said, "What makes you think that I've survived?"
Saturday, May 26, 2007
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what i meant to say
reading list
- a directory for grieving families
- a failure of imagination
- a little pregnant
- a mending heart
- a second chance
- a series of unfortunate events
- adventures of law mommy
- all about preeclampsia
- am i doing okay
- amelies welt
- an accident of hope
- and here we are
- and the duck said
- antigone lost
- antropóloga
- apron strings
- awful but functioning
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- baby proof
- beaten but not bowed
- beautiful
- beyond the pale
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- blood signs
- box of rain
- bringing gabriel home
- broken heart diaries
- bub and pie
- certainly not cool enough to blog
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- coming2terms
- conceive this
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- crib chronicles
- cruchy granola
- curvatude
- days of our lives
- discovering me
- doc grumbles i presume
- dragondreamer's lair
- drama 2b mama
- eight million pieces
- emma's mum
- everything is under control
- excavator
- expectant waiting
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- footprints on my heart
- for the flavor
- fortune cookie follies
- froggy baby
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- her very own
- high land hard rain
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- i thought unicorns were a myth
- i will be mom*
- i will never be over it
- i won't fear love
- i'm a smart one
- in her shoes
- in the land of broken hearts
- infertile fantasies
- julian's room
- just crazy enough to try
- just one more
- klepsydra
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- life after heartache
- life can be
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- little beans 4 me
- losses and gains
- magpie musing
- making sense of it all
- mary's madness
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- maybe baby
- mcpolish
- me and my shadows
- miracle dive
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- mommy wants vodka
- moshka*
- mother in mourning
- motherhood and angels
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- my pain i hide
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- mystery mommy
- nate nate roller skate
- needs new batteries
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- no matter how small
- noah steven
- not done yet
- one big maybe
- one tired ema
- painted maypole
- phantom scribbler
- plan b
- please give me back my heart
- project t*
- punch drunk
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- raspberry chip
- relaxing in the parlor
- rhymes with javelin
- riding the grief rollercoaster
- ryan was here
- seed dispersal mechanisms
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- special survivors
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- spiraling into control
- sticky bean
- sticky bun
- still hopeful
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- stitched up for the second time
- surviving my loss
- sweet/salty
- tears are for babies
- thalia's fertility journey
- that was the plan
- the callipygian chronicles
- the fertile soul
- the impatient patient
- the journey from here
- the littlest bean
- the para graph
- the view from the hill
- the woman who cried pregnant
- there's hope
- think pink
- third time lucky
- this is not what i ordered
- this that and the mother thing
- this too shall pass
- thomas woz 'ere
- three minute palaver
- too much too soon
- town criers
- trapped under ice
- trying to have a baby that lives
- tuesday's hope
- uncommon misconceptions
- under the mad hat
- unpollinated
- untangling knots
- uppercase woman
- wabi-sabi life
- waiting for . . .
- weebles wobblog
- what am i
- what does not kill you makes you stronger
- wheels on the bus
- which box
- wishing it would get easier
- words of a life
- write about there
- writing as jo(e)
- year of consolation
13 comments:
Sigh...that would annoy me. You are right there's no surviving, there's just limping along with what's left of us. Sounds bitter, but it's true.
a friend's mom kept trying to encourage me after my first son's stillbirth by saying, "it only happens to the strong," and shaking her head dramatically. you can just imagine how much better those words of wisdom made me feel every goddamned time. i finally stopped returning the friend's phone calls so i could avoid social contact with the mother.
I never know how to reply to this kind of comment. Yours is good...I may steal it.
So I am curious as to what that person said in response to your response?
Oh, I know the person meant well, but that kind of comment makes me retch.
Some might say you are in recovery for things you had no control over and things you cannot change but wish like hell that you could.
I dunno. Afterwards, I felt that I had been, at a minimum, not very nice to someone who, annoying though she was, meant well.
sometimes i think it's okay to be not very nice to people when they're being stupid, no matter how well they mean. because how the hell else are they ever going to learn that platitudes aren't really so marvellous and heart-warming?
but then i usually chicken out, or at least feel bad.
i wish i didn't.
That comment doesn't upset me. Not like the ...I could never do it...comment. You really don't know what you could do until you have to do it.
I actually think that's a nice comment. You did survive something very traumatic. You didn't give up. You didn't off yourself. And you're even trying to figure out a way to have a living child--as safely as you can.
The more time that passes for me the prouder I am of myself for being much stronger than I ever thought I was. I think that being a survivor is something to be proud of...because you could just be a victim and give up.
Just my opinion.
Vixanne -- Maybe, in time, I'll feel more like a survivor. Right now, I don't feel that way at all.
I guess from the outside, it may look as if I haven't given up, but I think that's mostly smoke and mirrors.
I'm sorry. :( You seem very strong from your posts. I hope you grow to feel like a survivor in time.
I know how some comments can really cute you to the bone. The one that gets me is "you are such a strong person". I hate that one the worst because I am not strong just getting by the best I can.
(niobe)
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