thoughts?
As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I haven't really bonded with my therapist and am seriously thinking of ditching him. One of the things he does that annoys me most is telling me about other patients and how they were miraculously cured by seeing him.
Not only do I suspect these stories are, uh, not entirely accurate, but they also make me very uneasy. He doesn't tell me the names of the other patients, but he tells me all sorts of details (one was a secret cross-dresser, one had an abusive mother). I can only guess what kind of information he reveals about me.
Do any of you share my suspicion that these kind of stories are inappropriate?
edited to add: Another odd thing is that, although I explained what happened to me at the first session, we never discuss the twins. When I mention them, the therapist changes the subject. Now, granted my life is peppered with a veritable panoply of traumatic events, but it seems strange to avoid talking about the most recent one.
26 comments:
inappropriate, unprofessional, immature, insecure, and narcissistic. it's a compliment to you that have you not bonded with this blight on therapy.
absolutely unprofessional.
and i know whereof i speak, because i have my phd in clinical psych.
and even without that silly unused phd, i'd think that the red flags are flapping in the breeze...
I agree, that's bad news. Your instinct to look for another is spot-on.
Ugh, don't even waste your time with another appointment. I would certainly not want to trust him with my thoughts, thinking they might become coffee talk for him.
that's really odd -- who's doing all the talking during your sessions, you or him? I think you should ditch the quack... he's using you for his own narcisistic reasons...
Move on girl.
Anns xo
You should run for the hills! This guy sounds awful, really. My therapist sometimes mentions other patients, but only when their particular experience has something to do with what I'm going through. Really, just to demonstrate a point--just like she mentions her own life sometimes too. I don't see how a secret cross dresser could have anything to do with your feelings! It's not like he told you of someone else who lost a baby too. These stories are so inappropriate, but more than that I think this guy is just wasting your time!
Get yourself a female doctor, who has experience with loss. Why he would be avoiding talking about your twins, is beyond me. My therapist doesn't push it on me--she is very gentle. But, whatever I bring up, she is there to face it with me head on. It's hard to hear, but that's what the therapist is there for, not to change the subject! Even my husband's therapist (who is a guy) is amazing. He's less gentle than mine (more likely to bring things up), but he is very experienced with loss. I think both our therapists have figured out what both of us need--the styles are different, but they are both effective in their own way. You need someone who will do that. If this was the dude that did the EMDR? I'm not surprised that it wasn't helpful for you. Run, Niobe, run!
I agree - Run!
ditto what Mad Mommy said!
yep, yep, yep...it sounds like this guy is more than a waste of your time
You know what I think about this already, but this just confirms it. This is beyond a bad match, this is someone who has to make it all about himself, and it is supposed to be all about you.
Fire his solipsistic little ass.
i agree with all of the above. i don't see how he's helping you by telling you about a secret cross dresser (maybe he's telling you about himself??). i hope you find someone who is helpful and professional.
Uh... yeah. Ditch him.
Even it weren't for anything else, just the fact that he changes the subject when you mention a recent, traumatic loss is ummmm... more than a little odd.
There are good therapists out there. Go find one!!
In addition to what others have said above niobe, I would either tell or write him the reasons you are changing therapists and copy in the administrator of the facility. Too many folks switch therapists and never tell the therapist or their supervisiors why which lets guys like this continue to be inappropriate possibly with other people. I am all giving folks an opportunity for change even if it means a different career. This guy is probably also a licensed professional counselor and you could file a complaint with the Department of Regulation and Licensing against him. Usually forms are available online through your state.
Yeah, I'd get a different therapist who specializes in loss and maybe some references before I saw him/her.
Definitely find someone new.
Thanks everyone for weighing in.
Looks like it’s unanimous. Dr. I-Tell-Stories will soon discover that he’s history. Ancient history.
I was particularly amused by Mad Mommy’s description of him as a “blight on therapy” and Wannabe Mom’s suggestion that, when he talks about the secret cross dresser, he’s really talking about himself. Not that there’s, you know, anything wrong with that.
Do not look back. Run like the wind. This guy is BAD, BAD news.
And yeah, get a woman who is experienced with loss. She's out there, I'm sure.
Sending hugs and kind thoughts about you and the twins.
This guy has to go. You deserve much better.
I am waaaaay late to the party, but I just wanted to say yay for firing the narcissistic ass!
I'm glad it looks like you're going to ditch this guy. My therapist is always trying to guide the topic of conversation back to why I originally started seeing her. If it looks like I can't talk about it, she lets me digress for a little bit, but she's definitely focused on the issues I don't always want to deal with. I think it is really odd for him to change the subject if you feel like talking about it. (Though I can see why he wouldn't bring it up if he felt like you weren't quite ready for it).
And I also think you should write a letter as leroy dissing suggested. Someone should know that this guy is not doing his job the way he's supposed to.
Finding a therapist you feel comfortable with is the biggest challenge, I think. Good luck!
Okay, this officially sounds like the worst therapy story EVER. Please dump him...
Wow. He's a New Yorker cartoon.
I agree, absolutely unprofessional. RUN!!!
just concurring...
Oh my...are we seeing the same guy? Actually, I quit therapy with him last January when I finally figured out that it was making me more and more depressed. He'd spend our entire session quoting studies that proved that cognitive therapy was a miracle cure. And then quote the same studies the next week. Only thing is, we never did any actual therapy. He just told me that the therapy worked and then gave me the names of books I should buy and read.
Anna: Funniest. Comment. Ever. Though now I feel jealous, because I'm not even getting the book recommendations.
yeah. um, he sucks. leave him.
but if you have the guts?
tell him *why* you're leaving.
narcissistic arseholes need to know they're being -- well, just that. esp. when they're being paid to therapize other people.
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