Friday, June 1, 2007

always thinking of pain

When I was pregnant, I spent very little time thinking about the delivery. If I thought about it at all, I assumed that because I had twins, I'd have a c-section. The prospect didn't trouble me a bit. I was much more afraid of going through a long and difficult labor, only to be told that I'd have to deliver by c-section after all.

After I developed preeclampsia and the first twin died, the doctors told me that, while a c-section carried risks for me, it was the remaining baby's best chance, since she was unlikely to survive labor. I had the c-section and they sent me home about a week later with a prescription for oxycodone. I don't think I took a single tablet. I was weak and weepy and spent most of the day lying on the couch, but I remember saying to myself, "What are all these women talking about? A c-section doesn't hurt at all." It sounds like a joke. In fact, it sounds like a dead baby joke.

Q: How do you make the pain from a c-section vanish?
A: Have your baby die.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a dead baby joke to me too.

HUGS

DD said...

A joke that's not over my head.

S said...

I can see it.
There's pain.
And then there's pain.

(BTW, damn, girl -- who knew you had so many lurkers! You're famous!)

Aurelia said...

Oh my. Yes, definitely a joke only those us in the club could get. Is it bad that I laughed a little?

Magpie said...

I'm sure that the incision didn't hurt because of the knife in your heart. So sorry.

Anita said...

Awww, honey.

Anonymous said...

There are many times with your blog when I have no right to comment. This is one of them.

missing_one said...

It puts things in perspective. That why when all the women I know talk about how they are worrying about a long and difficult labor , I'm thinking," what does it matter?" If time is relative, then so is pain I guess...
Maybe next time I'll laugh

Ruby said...

So sorry.

S. said...

My [good] therapist noted that when I tell the story of Z.'s delivery, I relate the three days of labor as though they were a minor inconvenience, and reach for the tissues when I'm about to get to the moment of her collapse.

The outcome changes whatever came before.

I'm so sorry it didn't go the other way.

Lori said...

Were you really in the hospital for almost a week after your c-section? That must have been awful to have to stay all that time when your baby had died. I can't even imagine.

And I do understand the relativity of one pain versus another.

Yankee T said...

(niobe)

niobe said...

Lori Yes, they kept me in the hospital and on a magnesium drip until they could get my blood pressure to come down to a normal level. A few days after I went home, my blood pressure went up again, and I ended up back in the hospital for another few days.

I actually didn't mind being in the hospital at all. I really was not looking forward to going back home and back to my *real* life.

meg said...

Yeah, I can imagine this...just the pain of losing the twins was so much greater than any physical pain I might have ever had. I didn't have a c-section, but what you are talking about makes total sense to me. It's a pain that only someone who has had this kind of loss would understand. This is one kind of understanding I wish we all didn't have.

wannabe mom said...

i so hear you, niobe.

Ruby said...

I hated the magnesium drip. It makes you feel sicker than you already are. If thats possible. Sorry.

Doughnut said...

Physical wounds heal, its the ones you can't see that cut the deepest and last the longest....and in some cases, never heal. (hugs)

Sara said...

I didn't take my oxycodone either (for the cuts to my cervix and perineum - I didn't have a c-section). I think I was afraid that if I took one, I'd take them all.

The ambien, though, I ran for at the end of the day.

Angel Mom said...

I had a c-section with S, too. I can relate.

{{Hugs}}