Wednesday, September 12, 2007

odpukać w niemalowane*

I'll say this very quietly, but it looks like we may have found a surrogate. I spoke to her the other day and she seemed charming, enthusiastic and sincere. I'm not going to give many details until I've told her about my blog and let her decide what she's comfortable with me revealing, but I will say this: the good news is that she doesn't live all that far away and I could be at every doctor's appointment and every ultrasound. And, predictably, the bad news is that she doesn't live all that far away and I could be at every doctor's appointment and every ultrasound.

Even thinking about it terrifies me. I don't want to be there when the technician stops chatting about the baby's profile and finishes the scan slowly and in silence. I don't want to be in the room when the doctor starts a sentence with "I'm so sorry." I know I'm getting ahead of myself. After all, the surrogate still has to pass the screening tests. The IVF might not work. And my not being there to hear it won't stop bad news from arriving. But I'm hoping it might cushion the blow.




*Knock on wood in Polish. Apparently, reciting the incantation in any of a number of languages helps ward off bad fortune.

41 comments:

Elizabeth said...

There is a woodpecker who visits my back porch recently; she's knocking on wood - more like drilling - for you too!

Furrow said...

Do you think that preparing for disappointment somehow scares it away? I've always believed that, though I don't know why, since it only works about half the time.

I'll bang my knuckles raw for you.

Beruriah said...

My fingers are crossed and my heart is hopeful for you & L.

Monica said...

Whatever you are feeling (happiness, fear, anxiety), we will feel it with you. I'll be thinking of you. I hope everything works out.

Suz said...

Absit omen! And, yes, I will be knocking on wood for you as well.

meg said...

This is very exciting news. I hope it all works out. I think I might feel the same way you do...like if she lived far away, I wouldn't have to be present for the reality of the pregnancy. You might feel differently though when the time comes.

I understand your terror, believe me, I do. And I understand, immediately going to that place where you think about the possibility of things going wrong. But...there's lots of hope for things to go well. And once (hopefully) this works out, then you'll be on your way, which is, yes scary, but also exciting.

Fingers crossed for you that everything with the surrogate works out...and soon!

Eva said...

Wow, that's what Polish looks like? Not what I thought.

Congratulations on a match. May only good things come from this relationship. My feeling is that optimism is warranted. Yay!

SaraS-P said...

Knocking a hole in my wooden desk for you...

Ms. Planner said...

Reciting the incantation (in English) for both of us. Might have to look it up in Latin & French just for fun, too.

I can scare myself immobile sometimes. What I know from you (from your blog) is that I know you will be strong enough to manage whatever comes your way. You will.

DD said...

(knocks on wood)

Lori said...

I am sending nothing but positive thoughts your way!! Can't wait to hear more, if you are allowed to tell us!

Waiting Amy said...

Wow, (quietly) doing a little happy dance for you ... in tap shoes on a wooden floor of course. :)

Zee said...

Knocking on for you, Niobe. I hope this is the start of good things for you guys.

slouching mom said...

wonderful, which i wrote in lowercase so as not to jinx it.

LAS said...

My thoughts will be with you! I hope everything works out! And thanks for your comments on my blog!!

Caro said...

Knocking on wood and saying syv, ni, tretten (7,9,13) the Danish equivalent.

Aurelia said...

My husband says that knocking on wood is sacreligious because he thinks it comes from knocking on the cross.

I used to love saying it, but he gets upset whenever I do, so I'm trying to get in the habit of not doing it.

Is it okay if I say, Hooray?!

niobe said...

Aurelia: Not that Wikipedia is exactly an authoritative source, but this article claims it comes from a children's game. But really, who can be sure how these superstitions arise?

BasilBean said...

My German friend says "toy, toy, toy" so I'll say that as I knock on wood and send you all of the positive thoughts I can.

clarissa said...

this is great news, niobe! will be anxious to hear if it all takes place and works out...exciting happenings. and, just to add a thought, i think it is much better for you to be closer to the surrogate, you will be so glad that you are.

Bon said...

banging my knuckles raw over here, too, Niobe.

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

holy smokes this is exciting. and scary. and early. and so much.
wow.
sheesh, i go away for a day...and BIG things happen.

susan said...

I hope it works--and if the squirrels scampering around my back fence and deck count as knocking on wood for you, too, then we're sending a lot of knocks your way from here.

My Reality said...

I will knock on anything you would like.

Angel Mom said...

Oh my goodness! I'm excited for you. I hope this works out for you.

nonlineargirl said...

Whenever I am worried/hopeful about something I feel compelled to think about all the bad things that could happen, as if I am protecting myself from them by knowing they exist. I hope that none of the bad things you have and have not thought of come to pass. (Which is a long and awkward way for a stranger to say, best of luck to you.)

LeRoy Dissing said...

Am hoping this is the one and that everything works out niobe. I know you will keep us posted as things develop...and hopefully they will develop quickly.

Amelie said...

Fingers crossed, Daumen gedrueckt, hoping that it will work out.

AJW5403 said...

Best of luck fingers crossed for you. I can't wait if she does not mind.

Jitters said...

Ah, the dual emotions of infertility.

I will knock on all the wood I can for you.

Maddie's Mom said...

Knock on wood...I'm hoping this works out for you all. You're in my thoughts.

Magpie said...

Holz alange, and good luck.

I hope it works and that 5768 is a good year.

Christine said...

i am knocking on every single piece of wood in this house. and i'll keep on knocking as long as it takes.

Rosepetal said...

Niobe, I really hope it works out. Good good luck.

Julia said...

Spitting three times over your left shoulder before you knock on wood is supposed to help. So t'fu-t'fu-t'fu, and bum-bum-bum.

M said...

*breathe*
Ok, so this is good - it's scary and terrifying and beyond anxiety-inducing; but definitely good.

Grad3 said...

This is wonderful- I hope that it ends the way we all want. Knocking on everything wood...

froggy mommy said...

Such a great thing to read! Lots of good thoughts your way!

painted maypole said...

i'm doing my own version of knocking on wood for you...

Artblog said...

Knocking away for you :)

Beruriah said...

I like to have thoughts days and days later. I'm going to only have hope for you, so I don't really want to think of the bad news scenarios. But....that said....I doubt not being there could cushion the blow. You're going to have to hear it regardless. At least if you go with the surrogate you'll witness any happy news right away. And you'll be prepared in terms of timing for news arrivals. You might know the time and date of her appointments, for example, but not when exactly you'll get the update. That'd make me even more of a wreck on those days - and probably vomit at the sound of a phone ringing.