the sincerest form of flattery

A few brave bloggers have agreed to let me write mock posts, mimicking and very much exaggerating the writing style and subject matter of their blogs. My first efforts are below. Of course, if you haven't looked at these excellent blogs before and you want to compare the imitation to the real thing, just click through.

It's Not All Good
(With apologies to Julia at I Won't Fear Love)

At the liquor store, bottles of alcohol and the new mixes have arrived with the following prices affixed:RPS=$35.7 LBQT=$99.1 G-12=$23.24. Do the aforementioned numbers suggest I'll be doing the happy dance? Not so much. Suffice it to say that the price of lychee daiquiris can be expected to be going in a direction that has precisely an inverse relationship to down. I kid you not.

In the Old Country we have a saying, which, if you knew the Old Country Language, would make you pee in your pants laughing. But you don't. Know it, that is. Which is especially unfortunate. For you, I mean.

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Guilty
(with apologies to Beruriah at Further Records)

This morning at the coffee shop, a woman stamped on my left foot. Then she stole my coffee. Logically, I know it's not that important, and my first instinct is to help her, since she is clearly in need of coffee. Also, the coffee really wasn't all that expensive and I worry about hurting her feelings. On the one hand, my toes don't feel very good, but on the other, as things go, I don't really mind that much if people step on my feet. And, actually, it's almost stopped hurting. Still, I feel a little grumpy.

[warning: this paragraph discusses blogs] I had a bizarre dream last night. In the dream, I was writing a post on my blog. Then, for some reason, I hit publish and the post showed up on the screen, right in the space above my other posts. Then people began to comment and I read their comments. Sometimes, I even replied to them. What are your thoughts?


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A Very Small Update
(with profuse apologies to Zee at This Is Not What I Ordered!).

In case anyone is wondering why I haven't posted or commented for the last three months, it's because I pretty much said everything I had to say in my last post where I explained why I hadn't posted or commented in the five months before that. I know that these explanations might offend some people, so I apologize for these Dark And Extremely Negative Statements. I also apologize for The Capital Letters That Threaten To Stage A Hostile Takeover Of This Entire Paragraph And Establish Imperial Dominion Over My Whole Blog. Maybe that's unfair to capital letters, though.

So, anyway, what's up with you? I guess that's a kind of a stupid question, isn't it? And I wonder if it makes any sense at all to ask myself: don't you think that's probably something that I should have thought about and answered already? And, of course, the answer is, um, yes. Or maybe, um, no.

Anyway, I apologize for forcing you to read this post and for writing this blog. Also, I apologize for that last apology.


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Finally, for some very funny parodies of the not-quite-inimitable style of the blog you're currently reading, check out the comments to this post.