Thursday, November 8, 2007

iced grande nonfat latte

Forget Myers-Briggs. The mystical Oracle of Starbucks* will reveal your true inner self. But think carefully before consulting its awe-inspiring supernatural powers. The Oracle of Starbucks never lies.



*Stolen from the lovely and talented Sara S-P at The Island.

edited to add: I almost forgot to post the results of my own eerily accurate reading. Somehow (I guess this is where the all-knowing part comes in), the Oracle of Starbucks knew that my life's ambition is to appear on the Jerry Springer Show. And until the Oracle spoke to me, I never even realized that "fat" was a personality type.

Don't forget to let us know (or at least give us the highlights of) your own results

32 comments:

Lori said...

It's official. I'm a freak.

Lisa b said...

I drink tea and so I typed that in just for fun.
Oracle says I am 'Lame'

I am sending this to all my friends now.

I know you can hear me... said...

First it said I was lame. Then it said I was clueless and a stripper.

I agree with Lisa, I'm going to send this to everyone I know now - it's too funny!

bubandpie said...

I'm high-maintenance in the morning and a freak after 4 pm (when my order switches to "decaf"). Eerily accurate!

Betty M said...

I'm an Asshat apparently - carrying philosophy books I haven't read and wearing trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though I have perfect vision. I'm also notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues I don't understand. I'm cross - I understand perfectly well what I'm talking about and I need my glasses - honest!

Artblog said...

He's just a rude twirp that oracle fellow!

Becky said...

Wow, just wow. I guess that explains a lot.

(weeps copiously)

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you're bossy and arrogant. You're constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people's time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that's why they're plotting to kill you.

Beruriah said...

I'm a tall coffee. The only accurate thing about me in the horoscope was that I can be found "on the couch at home." But going to Starbucks doesn't make me feel "sophisticated" - if I'm there it's because I haven't found a better coffee shop in the area. Starbucks burns the sh*t out of their coffee beans. And I'm not unsure about my readiness for "espresso" - I'd just also prefer that from a place where baristas actually know how to pull shots. And I'm too broke for their prices anyway. So, you see, I'm not lame. I'm just an uppity but poor graduate student.

Tash said...

Hey Niobe! Are you a grande non fat misto drinker too? I'm also "fat" and aspire to Jerry Springer. And I must say I've never ever in my life had a cherry RC Cola, but now I'm really intrigued.

Megan said...

I'm "lame" for my medium regular coffee.
But although there's a Starbucks in my neighbourhood, I avoid it. I prefer the folksy yet corporate Tim Horton's, the middle-class Second Cup or even the hippy local fair trade chain, Bridgehead.
How can my little neighbourhood support FOUR coffee shops, anyhow?

LAS said...

This is my result: (for decaf grande non-fat sugar free vanilla latte - I actually hate Starsucks, but if I *have* to drink it, this is what I order)

Personality type: Freak

No person of sound mind would go to an EXPENSIVE COFFEE SHOP to get a drink WITHOUT CAFFEINE. Your hobbies include going to ski resorts in the summer and flushing $5 bills down the toilet. You are a menace to society.

Also drinks: Non-alcoholic beer
Can also be found at: Pools with no water.

Angela said...

I usually order a grande mocha with either raspberry, orange or peppermint syrup. I got the same answer with all three: clueless, don't go to Starbucks very often, most likely a stripper who also likes wine coolers and hanging out at the mall, LOL. That was funny! While it's true that I don't go to Starbucks very often, I don't like the mall or wine coolers... I would probably be paid NOT to strip..HA!

niobe said...

Tash: I think it must be the "grande nonfat" that's the trigger. 'Cause I generally drink lattes.

Aurelia said...

I drink a grande tazo chai soy latte, mostly because it's the only thing without milk and I'm lactose intolerent.

And the Oracle thinks I'm a Hippie!!!

"In addition to being a hippie, you are a hypochondriac and a health nut. You secretly think that your insistence on only consuming all-natural products is because you're so intelligent and well-informed; it's actually because you're a sucker. You've dabbled in Wicca or other pseudo-religions that attract morons and have changed your sexual orientation a few times this year. You probably live in California. Everyone who drinks grande tazo chai soy latte should be forced to eat a McDonald's bacon cheeseburger."

I like chemicals dammit! I think I'm more like Becca's drink personality.

Well, except for the part where my friends are trying to kill me...I think.

Renae said...

I'm a clueless stripper who drinks wine coolers and can be found at the mall. I love it!

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

i'm lame. and i think 'america's funniest home videos are the funniest thing ever."

yeah, so what?

Cate said...

Personality type: Clueless

You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink grande caramel macchiato are strippers.

Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

Monica said...

I'm lame and I watch American's Funniest Home Videos. First I was a "freak" cause I put in decaf. And the oracle replied "what kind of dumbass drinks decaf coffe". It has a point.

Hey, aren't oracles supposed to be vague?

thrice said...

Lame

I'm LAME. You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks tall hot cocoa.

I like that I'm in the same category as Beruriah.

Waiting Amy said...

Yeah, ditto everything that Beruriah said! (except for the grad student part)

meg said...

I'm an Asshat!

"People who drink non fat grande americano are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.

Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better."

This is the truth I have several much better options for coffee in the 'hood. And they can actually make a good americano, unlike Starbucks.

Josh said...

I'm an Ass-clown for venti coffee. Is that better than an Asshat?

Lori said...

I'm a freak. I totally already knew that.

kate said...

Too funny! I got 'pseudo-intellectual' for my usual drink and 'clueless' for my others!

thirtysomething said...

Ok. THAT was interesting. It told me I was clueless, a stripper and could be found at the mall...heh.
Funny!

niobe said...

It seems like an unusually large number of strippers read my blog (that is, when they're not at the mall).

Anne said...

I think that because of the massive amount we can't control in our lives, even though the changing of seasons is another thing we can't change, it is eventual and we know it's going to occur, so we can count on THAT change. Or I could be writing in circles. I appreciate your comments, Niobe.

painted maypole said...

i don't drink Starbucks. what does that make me?

Amelie said...

I'm a lame clueless stripper found at malls.

Magpie said...

Apparently, I'm lame. But my husband is an ass-clown. Huh.

Rebecca said...

I'm a freak - I go into Starbucks and order decaf.

SaraS-P said...

Funny, the oracle didn't paint me as lovely or talented!

The answer pool seems to include lame, fat, freak and pseudo-intellectual. I wonder which beverage choice would make someone come up with a positive personality type?