what not to say
On my way to meet Kyrie (which I'll blog about later), I drove by the hospital where the Bad Things happened and was reminded of a conversation I once had with my OBGYN. Now, let me preface this by saying that I don't want any of you to be upset or angry on my account. After all this time, I can view the doctor's remarks with a certain amount of ironic distance, and even have an aesthetic appreciation for them as perfect specimens of an over-the-top lack of, shall we say, sensitivity. Anyway, here's the story.
I had just had my 18-week ultrasound. Twin B looked perfect, but Twin A was measuring a little too small. There was clearly something wrong with Twin A, but, at this point, no-one could be sure exactly what or how serious it was. I was sitting in the doctor's office, crying.
Doctor: Well, Niobe, look at it this way: worst case scenario, you still have one healthy child.
Me: (still sobbing) I know Twin B looked fine on the ultrasound, but everything's still so uncertain. There's just no way we can be sure that Twin B is going to be all right.
Doctor: (puzzled) No, no, that's not what I meant. I meant you still have one healthy child at home.
So, what's the most insensitive, inappropriate remark -- on any topic -- that anyone's ever made to you?
edited to add: A word of caution: If you're clinging to even a few tattered remnants of faith in the essential goodness of human nature, it's probably best if you don't read the comments.
70 comments:
Excuse the anonymity.
Me, 10 years old, to my teacher: I don't like how Mr. F touches me when I go to get the milk for the school lunches.
Teacher: Don't be disgusting - Mr. F is a nice man and you can get him in big trouble with a lie like that.
My cousin told me once that she didn't understand why lawyers make so much money and that she thought it was wrong (mind you, I'm a lawyer). And I told her they don't - just some of them - lot's of them don't make much money at all. And she said, "well, doctors making money I can understand, I mean, at least at the end of the day, they can actually say they helped someone." I thought that was pretty rude.
Oh, and then there was the time when a "friend" said to me, in repsonse to me saying I was scared of getting breast cancer again and dying - she said, "Well, I don't know why you are worried about it - you are going to die eventually anyway."
Should I go on...oh...one more good one (this by far tops anything anyone has ever said to me)...my MOM told me once, "it's okay if you get breast cancer again and you are dead in ten years, your brother will take your children, just call and ask him. I think you should go ahead and have kids, it's okay if your dead - really, your brother will take them." I didn't even know how to respond.
My mother called me a serial aborter, two days after my twins died. That was a little insensitive.
Wow... I certainly can't top any of those (if I can, I've evidently blocked it out totally), but here are two:
"Are you half?" (meaning biracial)
"You're kind of a mutt, aren't you." (1st boyfriend)
My jaw just keeps dropping further into the crawl space.
Either I'm in denial or I've led a boring life. I got nothing.
Maybe I say things to offend other people, because no one has ever said anything like that to me... I mean, since I became an adult.
Just blogged about this -- I had chicken pox so severely at fourteen that my whole face was scarred. When I returned to school (shamefacedly), my gym teacher asked me if I had been in a street fight.
WTF!
I'd have to take a day to remember something specific. I remember outlines of events, very rarely the details. Maybe I'm just not a good listener. Case in point:
Is this the same Kyrie that didn't work out a few months ago, or a different one? I'm confused. But you promised a blog post about it later, so I'll wait.
"Its all in God's plan for you. You are young and can try again. And think of how happy you will be if it works now that you know what happens when it doesn't." - coworker after my 1st miscarriage.
"Geez, I am sorry I said anything to you. I didn't expect you to start crying." - coworker after I returned to work following my 2nd miscarriage. She said she was sorry for my loss and I got tears in my eyes. Apparently, that is not acceptable.
"Wow, he has Chink eyes!" - coworker commenting on my newborn son's looks.
"Now all he needs are some eyelashes and a suntan and he will look normal." - "Friend" commenting on my 6 week old son.
"Babies need to cry. Its how they exercise." - Mom, after my son cried nonstop for 3 months due to severe colic and I called her at my wits end.
At age 30, I'm a mess, I'm allergic to everything, I can't be out doors to long, the sun makes me blister in about 30 min and my glands swell up, my bones are bad and I cant have children. My best friend, she hikes, camps, sports, and have 4 beautiful kids. ( that I love) One day my mom look at me and said my best friend would have been a better daughter to them! She looked me right in the eye and said " she can do all out door stuff like your father likes to do, and give me grandbabys." I had no words.... I should have said something but I could not fine words....... Why do words haunt us? I'm sorry what that doc said hu!!!!!!!!!
The neonatologist told me if we decided to go ahead with our daughter's PDA ligation there would be lots more opportunities for decision making later on. Like your doctor, she was surprised that I didn't find this comforting.
Holy Crap! I know I'm feeling emotinal today, but some of these are making me feel weepy, they are so terrible.
For me-not related to my loss-
A teacher once said to me, in front of everybody, in middle school, after a swim test, "you don't have much self respect or confidence do you?"
Related to my loss- at my 6 week check up after losing M, the doctor bounded into the room, with a big smile, and these words, (with exclamations) Good News!!! Looks like your baby did have achrondroplasia dwarfism, which likely won't repeat, so you shouldn't have any more babies with dwarfism!!"
Yeah, cause THAT's what I have been worried about, having a short statured, yet healthy living child, not DEAD ones! That alone was the made me know I would never see her again. And, as I believe I have mentioned, the insensitivity doesn't stop, this is an issue I have had to deal with again. Bastards. If only I could hit them upside the head when they mention my so called "concerns" over dwarfism! (I told you I was feeling emotional today)
Never mind, you'll have another one! You won't get off that easy!
(said in a sing-songy tone after the death of my son, by a woman trying to sound optimistic)
At the risk of sounding pro-life, I'm sure the baby seemed like a person to you.
(ditto--my son died when I was 41 weeks pregnant)
When I called my best friend from highschool from my hospital bed a few hours after C. was delivered stillborn, her reaction was to say "Well, maybe it was to let you know what it is like to be pregnant, you know, like practice."
She phoned me two weeks later to ask if I thought I was starting to get over it.
The funny thing is that I don't carry as much resentment as you might expect based on those comments. She is so completely clueless that it would be silly of me to expect more of her. The worst thing that has ever happened in her life was when her border collie died when she was 10. Literally.
One year after my son was stillborn my uncle died. My cousin (practically sister and best friend) called me crying and said
"this is the first death our family has had to deal with. How are you doing with it because I am not doing so good."
After my mc at 16 weeks, from a supposed friend: "I'll bet it happened because of all the donuts and hot chocolate you ate at Tim Horton's."
And another gem,"You poisoned your cat on purpose, I know you did it and that's why he died."
Yes, that's me, murderer of small animals and babies. With donuts, no less.
The piece de resistance?
"We know we delivered your daughter's dead body to your house by accident, but we're not allowed to come get it, can you bring it here to the morgue for us?"
(Totally untrue by the way, they are supposed to come get it.)
And everyone wonders why I got PTSD....
One day, in divorce court, in FRONT of the magistrate, when I was furious with my client's soon to be ex-wife, I said (to her), "How did access his new bank account to withdraw $1000" and she answered, "You're f**king him, arent' you? You wouldn't care so much about him if you weren't."
Yes, because in order for me to be righteously angry on my client's behalf, it's necessary for me to f**king them. (Um...for the record, I was NOT.)
That was bad, however, the most insensitive comments of my life have come from my step-father's mother. (She has been in my life since I was 5 years old.) My whole life, every time I am at a family function, she insists on introducing me to people I have known since I was a 5-year-ld child, and then say, "This is our G~, we love her almost as if she was one of us."
Ouch.
G
I apologize for the many typos in my above post. I am in a rush. Sorry.
After a life threatening miscarriage, some woman I know came over with pie and told me that perhaps it had happened because GOD wanted me to give ALL my love to my son who was so VERY special.
I wasn't sure what this meant - was I greedy for wanting another child?
Had I messed up GOD's plan for the universe by not giving ALL MY LOVE to my very special son?
Was he really that special - I thought he was great and pretty normal and he was about 15 months old at the time.
I cried myself to sleep after she left. When I awoke I knew she was crazy, I was normal and that the pie was really quite good.
When we were early on in the adoption process, my mom said that our wanting to have a child is "sick, disgusting, and wrong." She then said, "Adoption is just one of your little projects, like being gay." Nice, huh?
When I read what your doctor said, I wanted to kick him in the teeth.
these are just horrible.
wow.
retroactive love & hugs to all of you!
I have had some shitty things said to me as far as my wanting to be a single parent...but once I cry it out I tend to forget them.
"Maybe it's good that it happened the way it did...he would have just suffered every day anyways"
Said in one various form or another by so many people I can't even count.
~Carole
http://accordingtocarole.blogspot.com
At my 6 week appointment (after losing my daughter at 6 days), the receptionist looked up my name and said, "Oh! Your 6 week appointment! Did you bring the baby?"
I'll chime in with one for the mister: around 6 months, one of his cousins called and told him to "suck it up and get over it."
"Well, if it does turn out to be a fatal disorder like they suspect, at least you can have more children later on. You get pregnant so easily!" -- SIL, upon learning her unborn niece likely had trisomy 18.
"You are so lucky, you can try again, even if you do need to have c sections and be closely monitored from now on after what happened." -- MIL, about 15 minutes after I returned from the hosptial after the D&E for my T18 pregnancy. I was still coming off the anesthesia and in shock over the fact the doctor had badly perforated my uterus in the procedure, which meant I would never be able to have a nonsurgical delivery in any subsequent pregnancy.
"And even if you ultimately CAN'T have any more children, that's ok, too. You've got a living one already!" -- FIL directly after MIL made the previous comment.
DH's family is actually lovely most of the time. But having led rather charmed lives, they have no freaking clue about what should be said when faced with someone else's tragedy.
MIL (at the hospital,the evening following the stillbirth of my son): "I love going to my massage therapist. She just had a baby and sometimes she wears him in a sling while she is massaging me." This was in response to my best friend offering to take me for a massage.
"Someday you will be a parent." Phone call from an ex friend following the stillbirth of my son.
"That's life"
A comment made by my midwife 6 days after my son died when I said I didn't want to pick myself up for fear that I'd get knocked right back down again when I went to the consultant a few weeks later, I had just told her I was frightened that he'd tell me that I wouldn't be able to have children.
Oh where to begin. Age? Stage?
My fave from adolescence, from a relative, "You'd have nice legs if only you could suck in your kneecaps...they're sort of knobby. Yeah, you could be a really pretty girl if only you...were a little prettier."
My fave from IF hell, from my doctor's nurse, "Oh all you infertile girls, you just think too much. All that thinking stops the babymaking! You should just go adopt...that'll get you pregnant!"
My fave from a sexually harassing boss, "You'll stand up from your desk, stop working now, take off your skirt and throw your body against the kiddie pool on the wall or YOU'RE FIRED!"
My fave after announcing we were finally pregnant with a girl, "Oh? A girl? Well...better luck next time."
I could go on and on. But I'll stop there.
Julie
Using My Words
I forget them, and try not to hold onto hurtful things. I used to have a list of the top 5 hurtful things ever said to me, but that was 15 years ago and I've forgotten.
My first pregnancy ended at 6 weeks in an early, just one of those things miscarriage. i hadn't read anything and knew nothing about what to expect from doctors. i called my doctor's office and said I guess I had miscarried and canceled my first appointment. Oh,no no, you have to come in, you have to come in right away, we need tests, you have to come in. So I canceled afternoon appointments and went in. And the nurse who called my name in the waiting room said why are you here? I said, um, I had a miscarriage and I need tests? (what tests, I did not know). So she walks me back to the room and says so what are we supposed to do? And I say, um, you're supposed to do tests because I had a miscarriage? And she says tests? And walks out. Then comes back in and says so we're supposed to do test A and test B? I I finally lose it and say, I'm not the doctor, I don't know what tests, YOU ALL told me to come in and have tests so do the damn tests! And since I have crappy veins she sticks me three times and blows out a vein. This doctor likes to take blood every day for a week to make sure the hormone levels drop as they are supposed to. I did not go back until I was pregnant again and the doctor looks through my records and asks why didn't I follow instructions and get tracked after the miscarriage?
Regarding my mentally and physically disabled child:
"Her mental retardation is a blessing. She'll never know how horrible her life is."
I heard that, "At least you have your son, XBoy..." after each of my four subsequent miscarriages. Like he's some kind of consolation prize.
Usually I try to burn shit like that out of my brain, by my MIL took the cake by telling Mr. DD after one of our miscarriages, "I don't know why you even bother..."
And as shitty as these were to me, some of the comments above...holy crap!
Wow, where to start?
A's grandmother, 2 weeks after I lost our 2nd twin pregnancy at 23 weeks - 'Well, at least they weren't 2 years old or anything and you were really attached to them.'
I think I'll leave it at that....
Wow! I can't top those.
There seem to be a lot of MIL ones. Mine came out with "We don't mind if you never have kids" after hearing about the second miscarriage and our worries about whether it would happen for us. Apart from anything else she was lying massively.
I'm glad I can't remember a damned thing, because these are staggering.
After reading the foregoing monuments to insensitivity I almost hesitate to add this little gem Perhaps it could be considered as light relief? Anyway, a vintage comment from my mother after the birth of my daughter: 'We're so glad you didn't have a handicapped baby. Because you're not exactly a spring chicken, you know' (I was 37).
Another fave - my MIL to her daughter, following the acrimonious breakup of her (MIL's) marriage: 'If you died, I wouldn't be able to come to your funeral because your father would be there.'
Mine are lame in comparison to yours (and the previous commenters'--Holy moly!)
When I was in 4th grade, my dog (who was my best friend and who I'd thought was my brother--literally--until I was about four years old) died. I was crying in class, and one of the nuns asked me what was wrong. "My dog died yesterday" I said, sniffling, "and I miss him." Then I added, "But I guess it's okay because he's in heaven with God." She looked at me, appalled, and said, "Dogs don't go to heaven. They don't have souls."
Until I met VB, I was never someone who was crazy about babies and children. But once we decided to have one, that changed--except that it's been three years now and nothing has worked out for us. A few months ago I was talking to my mother about how depressed and frustrated and miserable I am about this. She looked at me curiously and said, "I don't understand why you're so upset. I mean, you haven't wanted this for all that long after all."
Okay, I'm an idiot and deleted my own comment by accident.
Okay, I thought about this one for awhile, as I wanted to pick the worst of the worst that has been said to me.
Here it is: "Your son is Autistic because you had him outside of marriage. God is punishing you for that, AND HE SHOULD."
Wow. Um. Okay.
My comments are nothing compared to those above (holy cow) but they come from my mother who, while she does end up being supportive, feels the need to speak her mind *first* and then think of what she has said:
"He doesn't beat you, he doesn't drink and he's not out whoring or blow his salary. You're not hungry. I don't know why you want to leave him. You must be a mental case." [Upon my telling her that I wanted to leave my Ex husband, who was emotionally/verbally abusive]
and
When I told her my date for the tubal reanastamosis surgery: "Oh, I had hoped you had forgotten all this foolishness."
Wow. I am appalled at how insensitive too many people we know are.
The day I had my FET BFN confirmed, my best friend asked me if I thought that my IF problems were the universe's way of evening things out since everything else had always come so easily for me and I had been so lucky.
That question hurt for the obvious reason, but it also really bothered me to have all my hard work and conscientious effort dismissed as "luck."
"He's coming. Just fucking shut up."
The doctor who performed the c-section which left me paralyzed on my repeated requests to have a perinatologist immediately available for my early term babies.
You know what? I haven't gotten over this. He was an asshole, still is an asshole (probably), and if I ever saw him in person again, I'd slap him in the face.
That Jimmy died so I could have Andy. WTF? Why should a child have to die for me to have a living child? Lots of people (in fact MOST) are able to have a living child without first having one die.
Sigh... These are all so sad, and horrifying, and unbelievable.
I am not perfect. And I know I have stuck my foot in my mouth more than a few times. But, I would like to believe, that I am at least kind. I cannot recall ever saying a blatantly mean thing in my life. I hope I never have.
After we were married, we decided to try to start our family. I was so happy and so filled with excited bliss (of course not knowing what was in store), I announced it to a coworker.
Her response was "Your first baby will probably die you know".
I was so shocked, I just walked away. Later I found out she said it because I was on birth control pills and that women miscarry after birth control pills (in her mind).
(step)FIL, four days after losing my daughter at 34 weeks: 'how about we play some scrabble, you know, to take Beth's mind off of things?'
husband was extremely happy i was out of the room at the time, 'cause he figured it was a no-brainer that i'd put my fork in the man (i'd already left the table because he kept making really loud MMMMM-MMMMM noises about my MIL's cooking).
And something like Tash: at my six week follow-up appt. the receptionist beamed out a great big cheery (and loud) 'Congratulations!', never getting a clue, despite my horrified stutterings.
I had to come back and leave another one. My MIL, first day home, after my twins died:
"Well, at least you're not paralyzed in a wheelchair."
My mother after telling her that I was having a miscarriage at 14w5d
"Maybe this is for the best since at least now you won't upstage your sister at her wedding in August. Plus now you won't have to explain how you got pregnant in the first place."
also
"What do you want a baby for anyway? They are alot of work you know. Especially since you will be doing this alone."
The last one was said in front of my partner of four years as we looked at each other dumbfounded.
I keep checking back here as each story is more dumfounding than the next.
And, in all the hurt that's encompassed here, there's still something....I don't know. Appallingly funny about some of these. That's not the right word, and I don't want to be insensitive myself. It's just - who would believe that this level of insensitivity exists?
I was going to suggest prizes should be awarded.
And then I read Still Passing Open Windows and realized it's just going to continue.
Whichbox is right, some of these are appalling and funny. I have a sick sense of humour after everything we've been through.
Even my story, even now, my husband and I make jokes about terrible things no one else would even laugh at, because we decided long ago that either we laugh at this stuff or run screaming down the street.
The OB in L&D said, "I'm treating you differently than the lady down the hallway with a NORMAL baby," and "There's no reason to monitor her. She's just going to die anyway."
An ex-friend after I asked her if she wanted to see a picture of S, "I don't know? Do I?" with a look of disgust on her face.
Five years after the fact, I finally got up the courage to tell my mother I had been raped. She wanted to know what I had done to make that happen to me--so she could tell me how I could be more ladylike in the future.
heartbroken and yet strangely comforted by these...they make me feel less lonely. of course, it's not the essential goodness of human nature that's got me hiding under my covers.
Okay...both of mine are from my OB...a woman and MOM who took over my care b/c my OB, her partner, had retired but, had come back to treat me last Dec. when I miscarried and the Doc doing my D & C perf'd my uterus and had left the baby in me (sorry TMI). So after 'fixing" that with my lovely retired Ob,my new OB, was watching my next pregnancy, which at 23 weeks ended. She came into the room, where the ultrasound tech had discovered the death at a routine appt., and while discussing 'birth" options, (I had had 2 c-sections with my other kids)she said:
"If you do this vaginally, you'll feel GREAT!!, when you leave the hospital!"....Yeah, I'll feel great, having had my first vaginal delivery be my dead son. Who the f feels great in any way after a stillbirth??????????
But it gets better, after delivering him, I said to my husband, "well, I did it, I had the vbac..." and she, (OB), said, "well, HALF a vbac"...nice. I guess my son is only "half' a child. Strange, he looked perfectly whole to me...except for being dead.
One? Just one? Hmmm. While searching for some kind of a diagnosis and having 4 MRI's (2-Brain, thoracic and cervical) and still no diagnosis.
My husband's BFF asked: "Do you ever think that you are looking for something that is just not there?"
I was speechless.........
My God. These are horrifying. I am absolutely appalled beyond any words. The insensitivity of people astounds me.
Mine are all from my delightfully violent alcoholic mother ..
"If you had been a boy, you would have saved my marriage". (I had older twin sisters, my dad really wanted a boy).
In labor with my son, she brought her knitting to the hospital, and didn't lift a finger to help. Every freakin contraction she would say "Well, they call it labor for a reason." I asked why they were taking my toenail polish off before a caesar; she pipes up with "That's if you die, your toenails go blue." After he was born *healthy* she told me not to worry - babies have survived stupid mothers for centuries.
Wow. Makes me realise where my low self esteem comes from.
Damn, these are horrible.
My worst ones come from my MIL, and I don't really want to rehash them, because they make me angry again. Ok, just one that is not so horrible as representative and explains a lot.
So, we are driving to the funeral for our dead son, in one car, us, and both sets of parents. My husband is driving, she is sitting behind him. He starts to cry as we near the cemetery. She puts her hand on his shoulder and tells him to stop crying. So I say, leave him alone, he can do what he wants. And she says yes, and I do what I want.
As we were headed for, you know, the cemetery, I restrain myself from articulating that that is indeed exactly the case and the problem.
Mine pales in comparison, but when I was about 13 I went with my father to a store to buy me a bathing suit (my mother left when I was 10). I tried one on and the old bitch of a saleslady sings out with a chuckle in front of my father, other customers, etc., "Well, you don't have much to fill it up, do you?" Meaning the upper portion, obviously. Gee, thanks for pointing out that I'm the last girl in class to get boobs -- I hadn't noticed.
The Yak
SON OF A BITCH, literally!
I don't really have any as terribly heartbreaking as those above. But here goes ...
When I was 10 or 12 the kids in my block played kick-the-can at night. I was the only girl. In my father's awkward attempts to caution me about developing a reputation he informed me that "well, you know, you're not hard to look at" -- I took this to mean I was lucky I wasn't terribly disfigured.
Also, when my Jewish husband informed his parents that we were going to begin living together, he told them he wanted them to know that it was because they had done such a good job teaching him tolerance that he was happy being with me, a Christian. My MIL said, oh no, it means we definitely did something wrong. I was standing right there. (we now have a good relationship)
at my six week check up after losing my twins. the nurse asked if i was nursing. i said, "you can't nurse dead babies, can you?"
10 weeks after my loss a friend (now ex friend) who's live baby was born three days prior to my loss said, "you can hold on to what you have or you can hold on to what you've lost. but the reality is it's been difficult having friends be so negative during our happiest moment."
and just a few short months later his wife said to me
"i lost my mother and he lost his father and we haven't stopped being friends with people that STILL have mothers and fathers." in response to not understanding why we needed time alone to heal.
neither one has EVER said congratulations on the safe and healthy arrival of our daughter. she was born after 16 weeks of bed rest the last six spent in the hospital. no acknowledgement. even after receiving a birth announcement. oh, wait...he did refer to my daughter a boy when trying to be "nice?" to me at a party. not really the acknowledgement i was looking for...but all he is capable of i suppose.
oh well. some people are just assholes.
Mine, too, relates to an SOB OB. I had a life-threatening placental abruption and premature emergency c-section delivery of our firstborn daughter at 23 weeks. She only lived about an hour, and I nearly died and had blood transfusions, etc. The jerk walked into my hospital room the next morning after the delivery, and, referring to the loss of fluid retention from the transfusion, commented, "Well, you look like you've lost some weight!" Yeah, you a**hole, I'd lost my baby. I wanted to kill him.
Mine was my MIL when we called to ask her to come down and watch our kids so I could deliver our dead baby - "Oh I'd love to help but I have an appointment to get the oil changed in the car in the morning, can't you do this another time- it's not like anything's going to change."
My Mother-in-Law regarding my diagnosis of premature ovarian failure: "Your ovaries are drying up!"
And, when my husband and I adopted: We were in another state for the birth of our son. When he was released from the hospital (into our custody) we still had to stay in the state for several days, to await the birth mother going to court to relinquish her rights, before we were cleared to leave the state. When we came "home" to our hotel room with the baby, of course I called my mother. She wanted to know if I was keeping in touch with the birth-mother, to which I replied, yes. "Good!" She said, "Hopefully she can give you lots of advice on how to care for the baby."
WTF!!!
At 20 weeks, I made the heartbreaking decision to induce labor due to a t18 diagnosis...
My mother said, "God knows how you are feeling because he gave his son to die, too."
While in cardiac ICU after losing my daughter, my godmother tells me that "If you hadn't been fat this wouldn't have happened." She better be glad I was hooked up to too many machines to reach her throat.
Late-comer to this post,
I think my pesonal favourate after my second trimester termination for anencephaly (after infertility, of course) was 'Well it was never really a baby, it never really actually had a brain did it?'.
I mean, wow. Just wow.
J
favourite not favor-can't-type-when-I'm-not-looking-at-the-keys!
I am so flabbergasted by some of these comments. They make mine seem actually kind of good.
"Well that was stupid to get pregnant" J's grandmother
"Your young you can try again" by EVERYONE
"You had as much closure as possible" my step mom (we never found out exactly what happend)
"Babies die. It happens" by our COUNSELOR Wtf? babies don't die. 70 and 80 ppl die not babies
"Why aren't you over this?" a few people
I'll stop there but could go on
"Is this necessary?" Regarding celebrating my first dead sons' birthday.
"Why does he look like that?" Regarding the color and alien-ness of a 17 weeker.
"Lose weight and I'll love you more" spoken from my asshole dad.
"I want a blood test" also from my asshole dad- not quite sure if it was worth paying $65 in child support.
These really hurt to type out- I feel VERY NERVOUS inside just thinking about them.
I had to drop my daughter off at my ex-inlaws. I had to go to work and they knew I was coming.
When I got there, my xmil, said, " I'm glad we're not busy, because where else would you have dumped her off? Maybe off in the dirt like her little sister?"
...and I swear, that is word for word. She's a hillbilly, I can think of no other excuse. It wasn't like it was her grandchild.
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