Thursday, May 29, 2008

rolling the dice

The size and heart rate were exactly where they should be, but after this morning's ultrasound, I spent a few minutes googling "8 weeks" and "miscarriage." Yes, the odds that everything will be okay are reasonably good, but last pregnancy, the chance that I'd develop preeclampsia was well under 1%. And, of course, the vast majority of babies whose mothers have preeclampsia turn out just fine. Once you've hit the negative lottery, a 95% (or whatever the actual number is) chance of a positive outcome doesn't really sound all that promising.

Kyrie, her girlfriend, Arianna, their little boy, Caden, Caden's enormous purple T-Rex, and I all crowded into the RE's office. "Even doctors are people too," announced Caden between bites of a windmill-shaped cookie. The RE ignored him, offered congratulations to the room at large, and, though no-one asked, told us the due date. It sounded eerily familiar, but still it took me a moment to realize why. It was exactly the same due date as last time.

59 comments:

Jana said...

**thud** at due date.
i've got everything crossed for you.

DD said...

Did you know Murdock's due date is only a couple weeks later than the last time? The coincidence in dates (esp w/everything going on with November), was insane.

You know I will remain ever hopeful.

Magpie said...

Whoa. That's kind of stunning.

Odds are that it'll not end the same way. So, here's wishing you continued good luck.

cinnamon gurl said...

Wow, that's weird. But a heartbeat - that's great!

thordora said...

Wow. What a mixed blessing for you Niobe. Oh but hearing that heart rate....

Caro said...

eeek! Yay for the heartbeat though.

calliope said...

hurrah for heartbeats & a full house in the exam room.
but the dude date?
sigh
talk about a mind blow...

Mad said...

I'm gonna focus on the heartbeat b/c I've been feeling overwhelmed by ill omens too much of late.

G said...

So glad the baby is doing well. 97% of all statistics are made up on the spot... so sure, statistics, schmatistics.

Due date... mindfuck, but it will be ok.

Aunt Becky said...

*headdesk*

Damn. Flipping due dates.

*headdesk*

k@lakly said...

Heartbeats are always a good thing. I am with you on the stats, they really don't mean boo when you've already won? the lottery on the dead baby ticket...
The due date, I suppose everything surrounding this pg will have mixed meanings when compared to last time, the good and the bad, right? I hope this time when the date rolls around you are holding your live, healthy baby in your arms.

Julia said...

I hate to disagree with short people in possession of windmill-shaped cookies and T-Rexes, but I think humanity of doctors is debatable on the case-by-case basis. I know stunning specimens on both sides of the line.

Yay for the heartbeat. As for the odds, you know I am still not in any way sure of the outcome of this pregnancy, so I hear you, big time.

Tough break on the due dates. Has the potential to wreck all kinds of mindfucky havoc with you. I think if it was me, I might have started to drink heavily...

Patti said...

Holy shit at the due date. Wow.

I could wax poetic/spiritual on you about second chances yadda yadda, but I won't.

I'm just glad that everything was looking good at 8 weeks.

It seems that our due dates must be fairly close together...and we are equally as nervous.

Clementine said...

Oh my god. That's all I can say about that.

Thnking of you, as always these days.

Clarabella said...

Wow, that due date business is slightly eerie, but congratulations on the heartbeat. Fingers crossed for you.

Tash said...

Holy. Ef.

Frankly I'm amazed your coherent and writing about this. I'd be curled up under my bed.

Thinking of you all, dinosaur included.

Wabi said...

HBs are good, indeed. And the odds are always crazy making when it comes to things like this. No matter how positive, there's always a flip side you can grab on to. Once you've been on the lonely side of the risk ratios, it's hard not to always identify yourself with being the unlucky one.

Speaking of crazy-making odds, sorry about the due dates being the same. Yikes.

LAS said...

Wow, how bizarre about the date. Don't read anything into it! I am thinking about you - all of you - and sending you good thoughts!

Dr. Grumbles said...

Oh wow. having the same due date is a lot to digest.

I hope all goes well, but I certainly understand and relate to the googling and the worrying.

Anonymous said...

I am going to try to get pregnant around then end of the summer. I've had 4 miscarriages. I am so terrified of even being pregnant again. I hope you don't mind me asking . . . how did you get yourself emotionally ready again?

slouching mom said...

that is unbelievable.

Bon said...

oy, the date. nasty, even though i know you generally have little attachment to dates and counting and all that stuff. i picture you finding it both eerie and curious, watching it all unfold with as much distance as you can muster...which is still never enough, alas...for any of us.

my EDD this time is my mother's bday. i would find this sweet, even though i have no hope in hell of making it to that date, except Finn's EDD was Dave's mom's bday...and so every time my mind skates across the coincidence, it shudders and rushes elsewhere.

keeping faith for you, Niobe.

Thalia said...

great to hear about the heartbeat. I can only imagine how freaked out you are about the date. A strange coincidence.

You know it doesn't mean anything, right?

c. said...

Wow. That's a lot to digest. Wonderful to hear of baby's beating heart. Thirty-two weeks left and counting...

Amelie said...

Ouch. Fingers crossed (or maybe rather in the ears, not hearing anything or anyone?)

Maggie said...

Just the due date is enough to stun me into near silence. And THAT is hard to do.

Congrats so far - you're 8 weeks closer to your happy ending!

Betty M said...

So good to hear that the size and heart rate are tickety boo. As for the due date as Thalia says the coincidence, like the stats, doesn't mean anything.

K @ ourboxofrain said...

I'm so glad that everything looked as it should at 8 weeks, even if it doesn't feel that comforting.

As for the due date, that's rather eerie. My EDD is the date of my D&E last year, so I at least sort of get the mindf*ck of symbolic dates.

Waiting Amy said...

Thrilled to hear about the heart beat! The due date thing is unusual, but do your best not to read too much into it. As others have said, I think this time things are bound to be different. Thinking and sending lots of good thoughts.

Karen said...

okay, I'm taking deep breaths for you. I don't really have any advice about the date. I have a due date that never happened and one actual kid's birthday in the same week. But I agree, thinking about odd is useless once you've been on the wrong end of them.

Furrow said...

Doctors are people too? I wonder how he came up with that. It's cute. The due date thing is seriously freaky, and I can see why it would add an extra layer of anxiety for you.

Thank you for giving us these updates. It's wonderful, wonderful news.

Catherine said...

You don't like to do things the easy way, do you? The same damn due date! Unbelievable!

Sounds like things are going well. Fingers, toes, and everything else crossed for luck.

STE said...

Sigh. What a crappy due date, but all I can say is, well, what's already been said.

I've grown to hate statistics, but i am glad that the little one seems to be growing well; hoping he or she continues on target.

Alex said...

Oh, Niobe,

Having gone through mundane infertility stuff, I quickly got that whatever the odds for a population experiencing a particular outcome were, the actual result for the individuals equated to 100% or 0%. So, no, no odds are "safe" enough, and yet, we have no choice unless, I suppose, we want to opt out entirely (I mean of trying to have children, rather than of life, though the analogy could, I suppose, apply to any number of situations).

While I know it's just one of many hurdles that must be crossed, I'm glad that the 8 week HB is nice and strong.

thirtysomething said...

Glad that everything is moving along well with the baby!

LawMommy said...

The due date coincidence is...um...yeah...kind of...er...

I'm crossing everything - toes, fingers, etc., for you.

Even doctors are people too? I guess some of them...

Gretchen

My Reality said...

Yikes. The due date is certainly a mindfuck.

Sarah said...

well let's allow that there's a teeny chance of history repeating itself. Surely that chance is used up on the date and the coincidences end there.

m said...

Eek. That's all I got.

Eva said...

But overall awesome. To me.

Rachel said...

Too weird on the due date.

Elizabeth said...

no f-ing way.

is this the universe's attempt at a do-over?

Antigone said...

At least one of us has got to make it.

luna said...

whoa.

wheelsonthebus said...

I freaked out when Benjamin's due date was my mother's birthday, so I totally get it. I just didn't want him sharing a birthday with someone who died young.

Monica H said...

wow, how bittersweet. there's always that full circle thing though.

Beruriah said...

Wow, Niobe, that's intense. I understand the odds thing. We aren't in the camp anymore where that means anything other than that someone has to be on the wrong side.

Caden is a funny guy.

Which Box said...

Wow. At least we know you don't put much credence in dates and memories. Right? um, is that still right?

One day, one step at a time.

leanne said...

Oh my god... of all the days. But glad to hear things are off to such a good start. Thinking of you...

Kami said...

What are the odds? Still, it is just coincidence, imho, and means nothing. If it bugs you, change it. Who cares? It is just a guess anyway.

I am also very hopeful.

Christine said...

wow.

but that heartbeat--that's not just good, it's great.

Lori said...

My pregnancy with Pumpkin almost mirrored the twins exactly- one year later. Although I was not so lucky to have the due dates be precisely the same- they were only days apart.

I'm so glad about the heartbeat though. Very, very glad.

missing_one said...

Maybe that means you get your "do over" ?!

wannabe mom said...

it is too much of a coincidence but likely not the same outcome, as someone has already said.

Angel Mom said...

Yay for the heartbeat and good sizing.

My due date with my second child after S died was 2 days later than S's due date had been. I can certainly relate to those feelings.

((Hugs))

painted maypole said...

i love that your surrogate has a girlfriend and a little boy. :)

and hooray for healthy growing babies.

lifecanbeashit said...

I think that having the same due date is special. Maybe Im not right in the head. But for me it has some meaning.

When I was given my c section date it was Zak's due date. Some looked at me when i told them like i should have asked for a different date. I thought it was nice.

Hugs
xxx

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Trust me when I tell you, I completely understand how you feel when it comes to being on the shitty side of statistics.

I know its hard, but my best piece of assvice is to just take it day by day, minute by minute. I did that in the beginning and it took the overwhelming weight of the "what ifs" off of my chest and made them into smaller, more digestible bits of worry. And little by little they shed away too and just return occasionally.

I'm thinking of you sweetie. HUGS!!!

Angela said...

Oh god.