Monday, June 9, 2008

not as bad as i thought

In fact, it was fine. Really. I give a large part of the credit to Beck's deliciously distracting cinnamon rolls, spirals of sweet dough and cinnamon-butter, drizzled with the vanilla icing that I substituted for the cream cheese frosting in the recipe.

We talked about lots of things and I managed to run though most of the topics you suggested. No-one mentioned Emma, my step-brother's daughter, or Emily, my other stepbrother's daughter, though their toys and tiny flowered clothes were scattered throughout the house. Emma is exactly the age the twins would have been. Emily is six months younger and my stepbrother's wife announced the pregnancy three weeks after the twins died.

I tried not to think about the fact that my stepbrother has Emma and my other stepbrother has Emily and I have . . . well, I have my fingers crossed that I'm not heading for another disaster. Instead, I concentrated on wondering what in the world my stepbrothers were thinking. Emma and Emily already have the same last name. Why would their parents choose almost identical first names?*

But maybe it's just me. Theoretically, would you give your child the same name or practically the same name as a cousin?



*And, no, neither Emma nor Emily is a family name.


edited to add: Just so it's clear (which it evidently wasn't before) -- I have a policy of not using anyone's real name on this blog. Emma and Emily are pseudonyms. But the girls' actual names are just as similar to each other. If not more so.

27 comments:

Casey said...

I guess I kinda did. My niece's name is Hannah, and I have Annabelle. I just didn't even think of it at the time. We do call her Annie, though.

I'm glad the visit wasn't too painful.

the dragonfly said...

Even before you mentioned it I was thinking "Emma and Emily? Who would do that?"

slouching mom said...

what dragonfly said.

niobe said...

Casey: That's funny that it didn't occur to you. Although, to me, Hannah and Annabelle don't seem that similar. Now, if you'd named your daughter Anna...

Joy said...

The thing I don't understand is why people pick a name that's in the top or the top 50 when it's so easy to find out what the top names are... why would you want your kid to have the same name as half her class? I guess if you like a name, you like it, and that's that.
You are probably not heading for disaster, although there may be safety in keeping the possibility alive.

loribeth said...

Dh has two cousins with the exact same name (first & last)(there's even a third relative with the exact same name, the son of one of dh's mother's cousins). They were both ushers at our wedding & people kept asking me if there was a typo in the program, lol. Italian tradition is to name the first son after the father's father, the second son after the mother's father, the third son after the father's oldest brother, & so on (same idea for girls). So you get a lot of cousins with the same names in the same family, and yes, it can be confusing. The younger generation is moving away from that now, though. I don't think I'd deliberately chose such a similar name.

LawMommy said...

Without getting too much into the gory details, I have a sister named Andrea. AND a cousin named, yes, Andrea. And yes, it was unbelievably confusing growing up. (Adding to the confusion is the fact that they both married men named Joe, and, no, I am not making that up. Not even a little.)

So, NO, I would NOT name a child of mine a name that was similar to a cousin's name.

Patti said...

No, I wouldn't name a child a similar name to one already in the family. However my Mom and Dad did. I have to brothers and a sister. both boys names start in B and end with Y. My sister's name starts with P and ends with a Y.... and you know my name.

That was enough confusion for everyone!

Maggie said...

I don't think that I would name a child the same as a cousin, but I suppose that if I *really* loved the name that I might consider it. Doubtful, but maybe.

And I am really hoping that you don't have your heart set on the name Emmit (Emmett?) for a boy...

excavator said...

It makes me wonder if Emma's parents have any resentment toward Emily's, since they technically 'owned' the name (and the sound), having given it first.

I wouldn't give my child a name that was close to a cousin's and I wouldn't name a child from the top 50 most popular...I was going to hesitate and say well, *maybe* if it was a name I really really loved--but I don't think so.

Glad The Visit went ok.

Aunt Becky said...

No, niobe, that's totally weird.

Rosepetal said...

Going against the grain, but I would. I don't really have a problem with it. I think Emma and Emily will just end up making their names their own and people won't think of their name anymore, just of the people they are. I find that my dead sons V and A have managed to do this even though they never took a breath.

Mrs. Spit said...

so, the new baby won't be name Emme? I know they are really popular names. Our family had a run of Shaun's, but that's a family name. They became Pat's shaun, and little shaun, and big shaun. . .

LAS said...

I am so glad to hear that the visit was okay - I was thinking about you this weekend! So so glad it was okay - what a relief. I try to remember that nothing ever happens quite the way I think it will. Nothing is ever as good as or as bad as I think it is going to be. No, I wouldn't give a child a name similar to a cousin, even if it were my favorite name.

Tash said...

I dare you to name your baby Emmaline. I half wonder sometimes if this isn't done from spite; someone said something to someone else about "what I really want to name a baby" and when it was "taken" at the time they decided, screw you.

This tops that: I know a divorce/remarry situation where both husband and wife had daughters of same age, with the same name, and they all took dad's new last name. Seemed to me there was a way around that, but I couldn't think of what.

Angelisa said...

I'm glad to hear that your visit went ok. Cinnamon rolls sound like a nice distraction. Yum.

As far as the cousins and the names -- in both Greek culture and Italian culture, if you're a firstborn, chances are that you share the same name with many of your cousins who are also firstborn (have you seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" - "And, this is my cousin Nick and Nick, and Nicki.."). Salvatore actually had the same name as one of his cousins and his grandfather. I too wasn't sold on it in the beginning and now when I go back to Italy, I was wondering how it'd be to be around the other Salvatores. But, now I'm so used to it - they have the same names, but they're definitely not the same people.

cinnamon gurl said...

Yeah, I'm with the crew who was already wondering what their parents were thinking before you mentioned it.

No, I don't think I would give my child the same or almost the same name as his or her cousin. I would just be vocally bitter that my sibling picked first.

Elizabeth said...

I think people should be able to give their kids the name they like the best, regardless of what others have done. However, we did take into consideration not just relatives' names but close friends' kids' names and deleted those from the list.

Regardless, this sounds like a brilliant focal point for avoiding thinking about more painful subjects.

Magpie said...

I'm with you. Too odd.

And I kind of don't understand things like my sister giving her kid our brother's name. So there are two of them in the family. Or, juniors, the thirds, etc.

But that may just be me.

niobe said...

Y'know, I could understand it better if both girls had the same name because they were both named for dear departed Great-grandma Emma.

But to pick almost identical names when (at least as far as I know) neither has any particular significance seems unnecessarily confusing.

Amelie said...

I find that odd, too. But then again, as a kid I was unhappy that my name was never available on cups, stickers etc. I did grow out of that, though.
Glad your trip went ok.

Furrow said...

My co-worker's brothers each have an Allison. The SIL to have the first was livid when the second also chose Allison. I would be, too.

I considered Cora instead of Zora, but my ex-stepcousin has a Coral. I never see her, but still...

Eva said...

My husband's cousin named his kid, a boy born a year after my girl, a name that differs in only one letter and totally rhymes. I find this irritating. Maybe they didn't realize we're moving to their city? Maybe they don't care? It's just weird. They do have different last names, though. Whatever. Maybe they don't rhyme in Swedish--I don't know. And my sister-in-law totally stole my boy name before she even got pregnant but that's not the same topic.

I guess your family just really likes the popular names!

Beck said...

One of my cousins - who we see ALL THE TIME - named her kid exactly the same thing as my brother. WTF, dude!
I'm glad the cinnamon buns turned out! They are FREAKISHLY delicious.

Alex said...

I can beat Tash's divorce situation; I have a friend with a unisex name (think "Leslie," though that's not it), whose father divorced, remarried, and named the child he had with his new wife "Leslie." I am not making this up.

So, um, people are weird? Weird people are, anyway.

No, I wouldn't do that. I have nephews with very similar names and it confuses me, and half the rest of the family, to death -- not because we confuse the nephews, who are distinct individuals, with one another, but I, at least, have a thinking/speaking impairment that apparently prevents me from remembering which kid has which name.

I also have two dogs I adopted from foster homes who have very similar names -- think, "Bumpo" and "Bubba." The effect of this is that I go around yelling, "Bubbo! Bumpa!" constantly. Happily the two dogs are one another's shadow, so it doesn't really matter who I'm yelling at -- or praising.

Melissia said...

We named our son Koy William (not a family name) only to discover that my brother-in-law and his wife were planning to name their son Cody William. The boys are 6 months apart in age and it must be confusing for the grandparents, but we aren't close, either emotionally or geographically, so it hasn't been a problem for us.

ewe are here said...

I suspect names are picked early on for some, and there is a reluctance to find a new one. Why should you have to alter a name you love, a name you've picked out, just because someone else has their wee one first, family or not...?

BUt I bet it can be awfully confusing at times. ;-)