Wednesday, August 20, 2008

one more post about names and then i promise i'll shut up

One of the names that L likes happens to be the name of one of my ex-boyfriends. The idea of using that name makes me irrationally queasy. I certainly wouldn't give a girl the name of one of L's former girlfriends.*

Your thoughts? Please vote in the poll below.




*Which reminds me: For a while, right after we got married, L used to introduce me as his ex-girlfriend, a term that was, of course, technically accurate. We both found this hilarious, but I kind of doubt anyone else was even slightly amused.


edited to add: Beth makes the excellent point that the wording of the poll is a little off. The question is really whether you'd give a child a name that happens to the same name as that of an ex. "Naming after" suggests that the name was specifically chosen for the purpose of honoring someone. Which is not what I meant at all.

34 comments:

Beth said...

I have a problem with the phrasing: give a child the same name as etc would make more sense.

Asking if one would name a child after an ex suggests a strong emotional attachment to said ex -- rather like naming a child after a favorite auntie.

Same name as: perhaps.

Name after: no.

niobe said...

Beth: That's an excellent point.

Magpie said...

this is tangential, but...

when we were deciding on a date to get married, i initially threw out the 10th. my mother objected, it wasn't enough time to get the garden in tip-top shape. so i skipped right over to the 24th, because the 17th was the birthday of an ex-boyfriend.

so no. i wouldn't have named a kid after that boyfriend.

and then, i had two different boyfriends with the same first name, a name that is quite close to my own last name. so that name was out too.

and then there was another one named "roy". and that's just an awful name.

i'll shut up now.

thailandchani said...

It would depend on the name and whether I liked it. Names are just names.. and I don't seem to have much of an emotional attachment to them.


~*

Tash said...

Um, no. But then again, my husband has the same name as my first boyfriend, so, er, whatever.

I happen to love the name of my first sweetheart (you know, those kid crushes? That you have rather innocently beginning around 6-8?), and we tossed that around as a name rather seriously.

Aurelia said...

My oldest was accidentally named a similar name to my husband's ex-wife.

I picked the first name, and never gave her a thought, since I had never met her, and they were only married for four months. My husband has a slight speech disorder, so to his perception, the names are nothing alike.

But to his family, they have endlessly reminded me and him that it sounds very very close.

Drives me up a wall...

The Nanny said...

Hey, girl, I love the posts about names. Keep 'em coming!

Oh--and not sure if this has been suggested yet, but Theodore? It could be shortened to Theo, which is still 2 syllables.

thrice said...

My twins have the same name as 1) a long-term ex and 2) a short term ex. That being said they are common, but strong names that I loved. They also worked well with the Hebrew names that I was kind of stuck with (after deceased MIL and BIL).

thrice said...

I should clarify that they were my exes.

Amelie said...

I certainly see how it makes you queasy. And I had to laugh when you wrote about L's reaction. That has already happened to me, and the child hasn't even been conceived.

charmedgirl said...

i love reading about you talking about names. i personally love names, and since i was 16, at any given time (including now), had a boy and girl name chosen. not to say that made it easy, since marc's and my taste are apparently very different. we had many arguements about names last year.

that being said, marc himself is an ex, and he was even in attendance at my first wedding. (one of) our girl's name is half of my ex-husband's name, and it rarely, if ever, crosses my mind. i don't think it's EVER occurred to marc.

Sam said...

I wouldn't do it unless every time you think of the ex you get warm fuzzy feelings.

painted maypole said...

we did kick around a few names that happened to be ex amours of mine (one of which is also a family name on my husband's side), but gratefully we had a girl and I no longer had to debate how long it would take for me to stop associating the name with the ex and start associating it with my child

Brandy said...

Nope. I just don't think I could do it. I think it would be weird for either my husband or me if a name we picked was that of an ex. Just odd.

I never mind the name posts, we were really torn about having to choose a boy name this time around and when we found out we were having a girl we breathed a collective sigh of relief at already having a name picked out. Good luck with deciding on the name!

Brandy said...

Nope. I just don't think I could do it. I think it would be weird for either my husband or me if a name we picked was that of an ex. Just odd.

I never mind the name posts, we were really torn about having to choose a boy name this time around and when we found out we were having a girl we breathed a collective sigh of relief at already having a name picked out. Good luck with deciding on the name!

Maggie said...

I think that it really depends on your history with that particular ex. I have some that I wouldn't be bothered by - but I have some that would be a hands down NO. And since the name made you queasy, I think that you fall into the latter group for this particular name.

I sort of like the name posts -- I think that naming is such an interesting process, even if we don't know the actual names that you're talking about!

Caro said...

I wouldn't.

slouching mom said...

there's no way.

Aunt Becky said...

I dated an Alex about oh, I don't know, 14 years ago? I figured that a) the statute of limitations had past and b) I was a freshmen in high school at the time and am not romantically interested in Alex any more.

Bea said...

I love the name Meg (short for Margaret), but that's hubby's ex-girlfriend, so it was always definitely out. I don't know if I would have felt the same way about a briefer or more distant ex-girlfriend, but this one was a four-year relationship that ended a couple of months before we started dating, so no way.

Heather said...

I could never do it. My sister's middle name is an old girlfriend of my dad's, and when that became known, it was really uncomfortable for her. Regardless of the comfort level of the parents, knowing how hard it was for my sister, I couldn't do that to her.

Azaera said...

I used to love the name Brendan before I dated my ex. Now there is no way in hell I'd even consider it. Bleh. After what I went through with him.. Negative associations.

Monica H said...

Oddly enough two of my previous boyfriends (I say *previous* as if I currently have a boyfriend :-) were named Sam and Andrew. A couple others were named Jesse and Ben. I like Ben, but Mr. H does not. And I would NEVER let his use his girl friend's name (Amber). He doesn't like her anyway, thank goodness. But he had a girlfriend when he was much younger named Lauren- I knida like that since it's similar to my middle name. Either way, we already have a name picked out for a girl if we ever have one.

Monica H said...

There are so many typos in that last comment- sorry!

Heather said...

I called my husband my ex-boyfriend for *at least* the first year we were married, and forced him to refer to me as his ex. Glad to know others are equally as bizarre (and you're the first person, besides myself, that I've heard of doing this).

cinnamon gurl said...

I think it depends on my relationship with the ex. There are some that made very little impact and for whom I didn't have intense emotions so their name is just a name. The ones I loved? Not so much.

Artblog said...

No way, which is why Mr A. and I were limited when it came to choosing Baby D.s name. I suppose that means I've had a "few" ex's in m time, ahem, ahem!

In the end and without much to choose from, we chose a name that was similar to that of an ex, but the ex happened to be the nice sort of ex and so it didn't bother me as much :)

Other wise you just can't name your child after an ex, can you, I mean that name is for life!

xxx

debbie said...

My son's middle name is the same as my ex (the ex I was with for seven years before DH!). But it also happens to be my grandfather's name and my FIL's name so it was ok with us. I think using an ex's name is perfectly acceptable as long as L doesn't think it is weird.

debbie said...

My son's middle name is the same as my ex (the ex I was with for seven years before DH!). But it also happens to be my grandfather's name and my FIL's name so it was ok with us. I think using an ex's name is perfectly acceptable as long as L doesn't think it is weird.

Kymberli said...

I didn't see an option for "Not no, but hell no."

Absolutely in no way would I ever have even considered naming one of our kids after one of Frank's exes. There are two main ones and in this house, they are referred to as "They Who Will Not be Named."

beagle said...

I couldn't even give my cat the name of an ex . . . so no here.

passingwindows said...

I'm gutted I missed the great chocolate give away!

I like these name posts. I like seeing you so positive, I'm glad there is a reason for you to feel this way. And names are a big issue for us too. I feel weird about calling a child after someone who is still around. I worry about the child finding his or her own identity. H has absolutely no problem with it and definitely wants to use the family name, and there are 3 people alive with that name!

Ahuva Batya said...

Is it too late to vote? I vote no. I have found my husband feels strongly about this as well, and it has helped eliminate several unappealing (to me) names he has brought up. All I have to say is "I used to date a guy named ____" and the name is struck from the list. Of course, it has the unfortunately consequence of him saying, "you've never mentioned him, why? who is he" and that gets into a whole different can of worms.

kirsty said...

My fiance and his ex-girlfiend were together for 13 years - no marriage, kids or engagement. She left him for a man whom she went on to have 2 boys with. The first one is named the same as my fiance's middle name.

It was a bit strange as we'd discussed if we had a boy we'd possibly name him the same (before we knew). Also, the ex bumped into a mutual friend not long after the birth and told them she knew it was my fiance's middle name but her and her new man both liked it. Weird.

Needless to say we won't be calling our son, if we have one, that.

I personally would never call my children a name that has any relation to an ex. The reason being I always attach emotion to names, good or bad, and I would rather start off on a clean slate!