Friday, September 12, 2008

next move?


Okay, so I'm probably completely insane, but, I'm thinking of looking for another surrogate and trying for another baby. I mean, like, as soon as possible. Right away. As in even before the current one is actually born.

We still have a few frozen embryos left and I would love to have just one more baby and, though I may be deluding myself, I really like the idea of having two close in age. (You know, with all the usual ifs and maybes attached)

What do you think?

71 comments:

wheelsonthebus said...

I think you are right. You are completely insane :)

yummysushipajamas said...

Sounds pretty crazy, but if you really feel like it's the right thing for you right now, then go for it!

Karen said...

yep, zoo-y, niobe - but I actually do have two close in age (22 months apart) & it is very lovely in a warm, crazy kind a way.

Elspeth said...

I'm the sort who regrets the not even trying, as much if not more than, the failing.

Go for it. Absolutely.

calliope said...

wow.
I say go for it. But what the eff do I know?
(kind of exciting to think about tho')

Rachel said...

Hey, I'm not the one who'll be homicidally sleep-deprived, so I can say with perfect enthusiasm: go for it!!

Intending To Be Parents said...

I think you're not insane :) If we had the resources to do a second surrogacy and we had a crystal ball and knew that this first surrogacy would turn out okay and we'd only have one and we weren't okay with the idea of an only child, this idea would sound pretty good to me too. We don't currently have the resources and we are okay with the idea of an only child, so that's not the case for us. But I completely understand how it is the case for many and so I don't think you're crazy at all. This is a tough time in life trying to create your family this way after going through all you have and I say why not make the whole family so it is complete in your eyes and you can enjoy your life beyond this. And that would just mean less years of diapers in total. How could that be a bad thing? :)

Tash said...

I think you'll raise eyebrows. And I'm already atwitter thinking about those stories. So let's, for my entertainment if nothing else, ok?

Sounds criminally insane on the sleep front, but otherwise gleefully sound. A case of go with your heart, me thinks.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I think whichever way you choose, you'll look back at the decision and say, "I can't imagine it any other way." How is that for unhelpful and non-commital?

Meg said...

YES!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I'm debating the same thing (trying for another right away). It's a scary idea on one level but down the line I think it would be great to have two that are close in age. I don't think its insane, though having two under two may make you crazy in the long run. I think that's what I'm most afraid when it comes to making this decision.

Sammie said...

I think it's a great idea!

Antigone said...

I've found myself wishing I'd taken my RE up on fertility treatment/enhancement so that I'd be expecting twins now instead of a singleton.

If I could go back six months, that's what I would do. Well that and kick my ex-h in the...

Kathy McC said...

If it were me, I'd wait until your little guy is born before the transfer. Just so that you won't be preoccupied with that stress while he is being born/brand new.

Maybe give yourself some time just for you and your new son. Take some time to enjoy "just him". Then once your settled and you know his personality, then see if you're still feeling the same way.

If you are, then go for it. But that's just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth. :-)

Antigone said...

Oh yeah and why does your photo make me crave calimari?

Aurelia said...

I'm thinking Kathy Mcc is right here, just because you don't know how this kid will be yet? Will he be clingy and colicky? or calm and quiet?

And then there's the money, and finding a surrogate, and yadda yadda. Could you start the process of looking for a different surrogate and not spend too much money in the meantime?

Or how about asking your current surrogate if she would like to do another one, maybe a 6 months or a year from now?

Patti said...

Hey, you do what you feel is right.

I'm just sitting over here and grinning like an idiot. Why? Because you actually typed out the "baby" word...and sounded positive enough to assume that everything is going to be okay with this pregnancy.

That's good enough for me. :)

niobe said...

Antigone: Just so you know: that's a close up of my flip flops. Chewy and rubbery like calamari! But with only half the calories!

JamieD said...

I hope that we are blessed with twins or children really close together, but I think that is only because we have never actually HAD two children really close in age. Or one child for that matter.

I agree with Mel - either way, you'll look back and not be able to imagine it any different!

Which Box said...

A close up of your flip flop? I was gonig to ask, and I sort of see it. Hmm. Great shot. I thought of octopus rather than calamari.

I tihnk you do have a lot going on, hmm? It all takes a while, doesn't it? And I imagine you think of the same age things I do. So why not? Why not?

Aunt Becky said...

Yes. I think you should.

Katie said...

I think you should, or at least get the ball rolling now so when you have a newborn some of the hard work is done, if you have the resources to do a second then why not try!

Karin said...

Wow! Well that is certainly energetic of you! I know the feeling, of just wanting more more more. Maybe think about how their school year might line up. :-)

slouching mom said...

excuse me while i pick my jaw up off the floor.

...

hell, why not?

Magpie said...

Wow, you are insane! But, hell, go for it. It'll be like Irish twins.

How does the other adult member of the household feel?

Dayna said...

I say go for it, absolutely. :-)

Just Meim said...

I say do what your heart tells you to do. However, if it were me (and I'm very well aware that it is not) I would wait a year. That way you would not feel as though you are missing out on being able to soak in 100% of the baby that is already on the way before your time is divided. I really hope that made sense.

Anonymous said...

As the mother of two sons who were colicky babies, spaced 18 months apart in births, I have trouble imagining having them closer together. I support you doing what's right for you, and if you have reason to believe waiting a month or ten with degrade the embryos, go for it, but two babies at once is a lot of babies. Having observed my limitations in action, it would be very hard for me to mother two colicky babies at once. OTOH, you might have better luck on the colic front and look at all those successful parents of twins. I bet you'd rise to the occasion if you needed to. I don't think I would do it, but that doesn't mean it's not the right choice for you.

AM

Elizabeth said...

Wow! I can think of a thousand reasons why it might be better to wait a little while (maybe a few months), but in the scheme of things...why wait? If you can do it, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Eva said...

I personally am baffled why anyone would want kids any closer than three years apart, but lots of people love it, so do what sounds good to you. It's not like it's all instantaneous, as you know. People have had kids superduperclose in age before--sometimes adoption is involved--and enjoyed it. I mean, I'm guessing, but probably.

Clementine said...

I'm happy for you. Whatever you decide to do, I'll be really glad.

Janus said...

I'm not new-age-y at all (at ALL), but I can really understand the idea of your twins trying to come back to you. So I can see that they would want to be close in age to each other, again. Irish twins.

Alex said...

Well, we know you know what raising a child involves, and we know you know what starting and going through (at least the first part of) a surrogate pregnancy involves, and we also know that you've dealt with considerable stress (understatement) with considerable grace and endurance. So if this is what you want, why not?

Ya Chun said...

What do I think? I think you should wait until the first one is here. Now, that doesn't mean you can't "window shop" for surrogates. But leave the "credit card" at home...

flutter said...

wow. Wait, just a little bit. enjoy the one that is coming :)

thirtysomething said...

WOW. Sounds good to me! Having the two of them grow up close together would be fun for them, and if you were planning on having another one anyway, might as well do the diaper thing all at onvc=ceand get it over with!

Betty M said...

Sounds all kinds of crazy to me looking at my almost 2 year old and thinking of if there was a newborn right now in the next room. But I would do whatever you want to do. If this helps get through the next few months then what the hell - why not.

charmedgirl said...

it may seem insane to a run-of-the-mill fertile lay person, but it sounds completely reasonable to me. totally. get out there and kick some arse!!

Furrow said...

You are completely loony, but motherhood holds no place for sanity, so you may be on the right track.

I've read all the comments, and I agree with nearly all of them, so I don't know. Do what you think is right.

k@lakly said...

Eeek, I think I have the same flip flops which might explain why I actually guessed what was in the pix and laughed heartily when I got to antigones comment...
Chewy things aside, I am firmly on the gaps between kids side of things...4yrs between my first two and now, hopefully, all things crossed, it will be 7yrs between the last and this one.(evento if things had gone as planned it would have been 5yrs...
I like being able to get them all alone and on their way to independance before I throw another one in the mix. That being said, I had secretly hoped for twins with this pg which totally throws my other theory out with the proverbial bath water.
I agree with the comment that no matter what you do, after it is done, you won't be able to imagine it any other way,so really, it's a no lose choice.
How's that for helpless?

Catherine said...

hehehe...I think you're crazy...but a GOOD kind of crazy...MY kind of crazy. :o)

SmartOne said...

It's only crazy if you do the opposite of what your heart tells you you should do.

STE said...

I have a good friend who is crazy fertile, and got pg with #2 when #1 was about 5 months old, so her kids are 14 months apart. It was pretty hairy for a while, but now she loves it.

Have to say, the idea of just enjoying this one for a bit makes sense to me, but I think if you really want it, and think you can do it, why the hell not?

I'll cheer you from the sidelines.

Lori said...

I think it is a lovely, hopeful, beautifully optimistic thing to think about. I trust that you will do exactly what feels right for you and your family.

Lori said...

Oh, I forgot to say... I can't tell you how often I wish Pumpkin could have a sibling close in age to her. If I could find that magic wand, that is the one thing I would wish for (assuming I can't wish for things like bringing back my twins from the dead).

Elizabeth said...

I would if I could! Go for it!

Anita said...

DO IT!

Grad3 said...

Insane can get the job done- go for it sista :)

missedconceptions said...

I vote with those who say "go for it!" but I, too, advise waiting so you can enjoy the one that is on the way.

Do you think, and I hate to sound like such a Debbie Downer, that you may want two babies really close to replace the twins? (Yep, I feel like a b*tch even saying that, but perhaps that is why you want two NOW instead of just wanting two).

Angel Mom said...

I think if this is what you want, then why not? My boys are 16 months apart and I love their age difference. I think it's wonderful that you are considering it.

Maggie said...

I think it sounds awesome -- you should totally go for it!

AJW5403 said...

I don't thing you are insane! I say go for it and I wish you the best of luck.

Angela said...

I love it.

Am I doing okay? said...

Irish/Greek Twins. Sounds perfect.

Megan said...

I just had a live baby after a dead one and find myself thinking about getting pregnant again soon – even though I'm six weeks post-partum and have a colicky baby.
Just for ME, I think that itch is the realization that even though my new son has taken the sharp edges off the sadness, the anger and, especially, the bitterness, I'm still grasping for some way of getting my daughter back...

Ruby said...

WOW! Then add; what slouching mom said ;-)

Caro said...

Hey why not?

Doesn't mean you're not insane though.

Sarah said...

My little monkeys are 18 months apart, and the only reason I think I was a little bit crazy is that I did not think we would get pg again that quickly, that easily, so I did not prep my body for that journey like I should have. I think that did bring/has brought on some unexpected consequences that led me to wait much longer than I planned for trying again.

Were I in your situation, now, with surrogacy as the road I was taking, and the option available to me to have them very close together, knowing it would not impact me physically, I would DEFINITELY DO IT AGAIN!! Go for it, they're best friends, as are siblings in other families I know that are in the 12-15 months apart range.

I will tell you that as my little one got older I often wished that they were at the same developmental stage, rather than one scooting and one running... so in retrospect I think the closer the better!!

And I hope it all goes just as you've hoped and dreamed!!

Megan said...

I had two babies five months apart for two years. One was a foster child and he left (back to his family) just as he and our son were getting to an age where they could really be friends. It was great while it lasted.

It was work, but children always are. I've never had twins, but I think having our babies five months apart made it easier than twins - their needs were just different enough that I could keep it together. Plus, bottlefeeding our foster son made the demand on me much more manageable. Now that we have a new, breastfed baby and a 21 month difference between children, I think the five month difference was the easiest (for me).

The potential drawback for us was experiencing our children's babyhoods simultaneously rather than reveling in them separately. We wanted to adopt our foster son, but it didn't work out, so we'll still get a chance to revel with other babies, God willing.

Elizabeth said...

i am the oldest of three, all of us 21-22 months apart, and it worked out great other than the fighting with each other. ;) but you can't pick the personalities that come out!!! to my mom, that age apart WAS "spacing us out". although she does say that she doesn't remember much from the years until my youngest brother was 3 or 4...

Lisa b said...

wow. I think you should go for what you want.
Sure there are lots of reasons to do different things, and I am the type of person who thinks the idea of lots of babies is insane, but you want what you want.
If you have the resources go for it.

thrice said...

Yes, JUMP. There will be too many opportunities to say no after a possible baby, and that will be leaving you too many opportunities to say "what if?" if you don't.

Did that make any sense?

Azaera said...

I say go for it!

MckMama said...

Of course, you will do what you guys want to do.

But, since you did ask, I would love to give my two cents' worth!

Of course...I am rather biased, but in a good way, I think! As you might have already ascertained from my blog, I have a 3 year old, a 2 year old, a 10 month old and I will be giving birth to a (healthy, live, Lord willing) newborn next month.

The comments suggesting that you "enjoy" the baby you have coming first, before deciding on a second one sound great! I am sure that could be a super idea for some! However, speaking from personal experience, there is nothing I enjoy more than having a baby AND a young toddler. In all absolute honesty, I enjoy my children more with each baby we have!

And, I do not think you are crazy! Even though I am a "run of the mill fertile lay person," for the most part. And even though I am told that I am crazy multiple times a week.

All this is to say, we do not plan to have 11 babies, though. 4 might just do it for us. So, everyone has their "limit," if you want to look at it that way.

Sure, you could "get to know just the one" first. Or, you could get to know your children in droves, if God allows, and experience the joy (and sleepless nights and full carload and stretched bank account) of watching your children grow up together, simultaneously, surrounded by the love and commotion of siblings.

So, do what you guys want! I believe that, plan as we might, the rest is up to God anyway, so you could do your part and leave the rest up to Him. He may decide that one baby is His will for you right now, and choose to bless you that way. He may bless you with a small herd like my family. He knows what is best and all we can do as parents is to be good stewards of whatever lot in life He gives us. Not that it is always easy, mind you.

The end.

Artblog said...

Only you can really decide but my heart says (mostly for personal reason) go for it :).

There are times like these that surrogacy seems like the most perfect idea in the world!!!

Kara said...

It could go either way. . . overwhelming or fulfilling. . hard to say. My thought is: PLEASE tell your current surro first.

DD said...

If that's what you want to do, then who are we say anything different? Go for it as I'll be here either way.

excavator said...

I agree with someone who said you sounded "beautifully optimistic".

Blogger won't accept my password and I keep getting into an endless loop of putting in a password, getting the skewed letters I'm asked to type, and then being informed my password is incorrect. So I'll post under anonymous--though I am excavator at dark-matter-energy.blogspot.com

diana said...

My first two are 2 years apart, it worked ok, pretty sporty and interesting, and, if I could, I would have had another one to keep company to the baby; you know, I'm already in the industry, so why not, but I've chosen to stop at the third one. Go, Forrest, errr, Niobe, go!
Love!

m said...

I think if it feels right, then do it.

Kami said...

How crazy is it that it is even an option? We live in interesting times. Whatever you choose, I'm sure you will make it work out.