Friday, September 5, 2008

two rings

I didn't say anything. Mostly because I'm a big believer in the idea that if people want me to know something, they'll tell me.

But at our last appointment (which went just fine, by the way), Kyrie and Arianna* were sitting side by side in the waiting room, holding hands and I suddenly realized they were wearing identical white-gold rings, each set with a glittery row of three tiny diamonds.

Do you have or would you like to have an engagement ring? What does it or would it look like?



*edited to add: Because it probably wasn't totally clear who I was talking about: Kyrie is our surrogate and Arianna is her girlfriend (fiancée?)

49 comments:

thailandchani said...

I did - but it wasn't identifiable as such. My ex and I had no objections to stepping outside the box on most things. We bought my "engagement" ring - which was a beautiful antique ruby ring (I still have it) and our wedding rings at a pawn shop. :)

We got beautiful stuff at a cheap price and the additional pleasure of snubbing our noses at the whole wedding industry.

~*

Tash said...

Backstory: I hated the whole engagement ring theory; felt as though the man might as well burn my forehead with his brand declaring: Off limits people! Plus I have a mostly lifelong hatred of debeers stemming from a class on South Africa. BUT. Mr. being who he is really wanted me to have one. So we settled on: we'd both wear engagement rings (he just wore his wedding band as an engagement ring), and it was not a diamond (sapphire), and an antique. I liked the idea of recycling.

It doesn't match my wedding band (also antique, with the original inscription that I don't have the heart to sand off) so I tend to wear it on my right hand now.

Amelie said...

Gold, a bit heavy, no diamonds or anything. They were (and still are) supposed to become our wedding rings one day - we didn't think it would take so long. My hand feels "naked" without it, and I'm wondering if I really want to move it over to the other hand with the wedding, as it would be traditional.

Becky said...

I have an engagement ring that Derick paid a lot of money for. Only to find out the week of our wedding that it wan't a real diamond. Needless to say, he doesn't shop for jewlery with his mother anymore.

So after our wedding, when we didn't have a lot of money, he bought me the most beautiful sapphire that I have ever seen. My wedding band is an antique sapphire band, and it's exquisite. I couldn't have imagined anything more.

Once, when I was young and dumb, I thought it was about the ring. He could have given me a twisty tie and I would have still said yes.

cinnamon gurl said...

I do have one. It's amber and quite chunky. I like it but it doesn't fit next to my wedding band and it doesn't fit on my other hand so i never really wear it. I really wanted a diamond but I guess the huz didn't get that memo (plus he didn't have the money).

We always intended to get a diamond ring, but it always seems like there are so many better things to spend our money on (renovations, air fare, etc.). Just the other day I was thinking that maybe I'll never have a diamond. And it was totally ok, and really more suitable not just for me but for who my husband is.

k@lakly said...

I have the whole set, engagement and wedding band. The engagement ring has the diamond from my grandmothers ring as the center stone and then my husband had smaller diamonds added to the setting of it and had the wedding band made to match those. Then for the other ring finger I have my grandmothers actual wedding ring. That being said, once I had kids I got tired of cleaning play dough and pasta sauce out of them so I stopped wearing them about a decade ago. They come out to play for special occasions, you know events where finger food means things like 'blinis' and pate, not dino nuggets and mini hot dogs...

jo(e) said...

I have a solitaire diamond on a gold band that was my engagement ring, and a gold band that is a wedding ring. I haven't worn either one in over twenty years, although I am still married to the man who gave them to me.

I don't like wearing stuff on my hands, although I will wear a watch on my wrist when I absolutely have to.

Aurelia said...

Nope, we couldn't afford both a house downpayment and an engagement ring, so I got a house, and still no ring. just a plain wedding band, gold, and cheap.

Someday, when I'm really really old, I want to get a diamond, a canadian one, from the north.

Aunt Becky said...

Simple and predictable. And oddly, I'm the only woman in my family with one. It's a platinum solitaire.

The Nanny said...

Precursor: This is the only area in my life in which I am materialistic.

But.

I would ABSOLUTELY like an engagement ring. I have two criterium for my future spouse:
1) He must make me laugh
2) He must buy me a large engagement ring (only slightly kidding)
Oh, I suppose I should love him too.

But yes. I drool over diamonds. I've contemplated this many a time, but I think what I've settled on is just a plain diamond (though not too small), either round or princess cut, set up in prongs above a thin white gold band.

No, I'm not picky.

The Nanny said...

P.S. I have two diamond bands that I wear every day, sandwiching a small silver ring with doves on it. I call it my "Love-Peace-Love" ring stack, because I love my diamond bands and my dove (peace) ring.

OneTiredEma said...

I've got a diamond solitare set in yellow gold. My husband picked it out himself. He spent a lot, but the diamond is exquisite. (When I get it professionally cleaned, like once a year, anyway.)

My wedding band, however, cost him $39.99 at Zales because it's just a smidge of gold.

niobe said...

Once upon a time, I had the most beautiful engagement ring in the world. Being young and idealistic, I felt honor-bound to give it back when I decided not to marry the guy.

My, how I've changed.

docgrumbles said...

Nowadays, I just wear my thin and simple platinum wedding band (no stones or other adornment). I did get a diamond vintage engagement ring that belonged to D's great aunt, but it is uncomfortable and too fancy for me.

Which Box said...

I have a very nice 1.5 carat solitaire, princess cut. And I do like it, and am very attached, though since pregnancy 30 pounds I only force it on when dressed up.

But, it's not quite me. I would have liked something more meaningful (antique, unusual, personal). I also wanted more than one stone - maybe a smaller princess with two smaller flanking stones, maybe more of a decorative band with chips. But he is a traditionalist, and wanted to be relatively flashy (within his too-high budget), so it is what it is. And it's me now.

Rebecca said...

My engagement ring is beautiful - it's a diamond with three small diamonds on either side. The diamond is recycled but the ring was made especially for ME! I also have seven little diamonds in my wedding ring - I like the number because I have seven letters in my name :) Both my rings are white gold. I sort of miss the days when I wore just my engagement ring, though.

painted maypole said...

sound like wedding rings to me.

I have a very simple solitaire, which catches the sun beautifully, and I love, love, love it, even after 13 years

Furrow said...

Back when I was 22, and newly engaged, and full of ideas on everything, I saw engagement rings as akin to livestock tags, and I wanted nothing to do with them. And besides, we were broke and my father-in-law offered to give B the money, and I didn't like that idea, and besides, I had a craft book of some sort that showed work-worn female hands with a simple gold band, and fancying myself an artisan, I wanted that look.

Someday maybe I'll wear my mother's engagement ring, or maybe I'll just make sure that Z gets it.

Melissa said...

I have a while gold ring with the main stone being the stone from my grandmother's engagement ring.

It has a cathedral setting and little diamond chips down each side.

My wedding ring is a simple white gold band.

Patti said...

I have an emerald cut "man-made" alexandrite gem, set in white gold. I fell in love with it at first sight. It is still my favourite of all my jewellery (not that I have a lot).

The saleslady kept insisting that it wasn't a proper engagement ring, then she said it wasn't a real alexandrite because it was grown in a lab. I didn't care and I still don't. It's the most beautiful thing I own and I can't wait to be able to put it on my finger again (pregnancy has made them a bit fatter than they used to be).

daisies said...

am living in mine ~ we bought a house instead of doing the engagement ring thing.

wheelsonthebus said...

I am just thinking how lovely to have a lesbian for a surrogate, because then you don't have the whole "worry about her having sex with a man during impregnating" issue.

And, yes, I do have an engagement ring. It is lovely and in the safety deposit box, because my fingers are too swollen to wear it right now.

Smiling said...

I have an engagement necklace made with a stone we picked out together when we visited lightning ridge in Australia.

I really don't like the feel of two rings on one of my fingers. I also work in a very hands on field and can't tolerate 'pokey' rings.

So I wore a lovely necklace throughout my engagement that my husband personally designed. I loved that no one knew I was engaged unless I wanted them to know. I often tucked it into my shirt while at work.

Now I don't wear it because I need to get the chain fixed, except for special occasions when I tie it on with a ribbon.

Magpie said...

I never had nor wanted an engagement ring. I do wear a wedding ring, though, and it's the first ring I've ever owned or worn.

Mer said...

I have a solitaire set in platinum. The thing is, when we looked together beforehand, I had picked out a band that had baguettes on each side. Apparently that ring couldn't be made ready in time for my husband's intended proposal, so he got the solitaire with the agreement with the jeweler that we could come back and get the ring I had wanted. When he proposed and I happily accepted, he told me about the other ring. I never thought about going back to the jeweler though, because the solitaire is the ring he gave me when he asked me to be his wife, and as another poster said, at that moment, the ring didn't matter at all. I had forgotten there was another ring I had liked more until he mentioned it. Now, I love it, and not just because it's shiny and pretty (though it is) but because it was there when everything in life got better.

Heather said...

I'm a klutz and a tomboy and insanely practical, so the idea of a gem of any kind that I would likely just catch on something and lose or otherwise destroy was something I just couldn't stomach. When we starting talking about getting engaged, I told him that if the ring contained a stone, I would give it back. I told him I preferred a plastic ring from the gumball machine in one of our hangouts.

He ignored me on the plastic ring (which I would have worn proudly!), and designed and soldered my ring out of two pieces of silver wire. He designed so much symbolism into that ring, but no one else who sees it would ever imagine it's an engagement ring -- all that meaning is just for me. Our wedding bands were commissioned out of 10k white gold (sturdier, you see), and contain a Greek word. Those two rings are pretty much the only jewelry I wear, and after ten years, I can't imagine not wearing them anymore.

Beth said...

Just yesterday my six year old asked me if I'd ever been married and I said, gently, no. I should like to be married. Odd, how life works out (I'm 41).

I would have fancy sapphires: an orange center stone, with side stones of orangy-yellow. The wedding band would have seven rubies. Both rings: yellow gold (can't abide platinum).

I suppose though, that meeting the man, first, would have to happen.

Yias Yias Girl said...

I do, and I'm still surprised. I never really wanted one, until I got it. It is a large princess cut (because I'm his princess he said, also something absolutely out of character) on a yellow band and my wedding band is an eternity band because for some reason I became obsessed with sparkle 11 years ago - debeers be damned (and I hated them too LOL). Tomorrow is our 11 year anniversary.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I love mine because it is so "me." And it took into account everything I do daily and what sort of ring would work best with that. It's a pressure setting, so the stone sort of floats between two pieces of metal. When I look at it, I remember all the times I went white water kayaking in it and how Josh thought about the kayaking when designing the ring.

What is yours? Your wish or your actual one?

Lisa b said...

I have always thought engagement rings, especially solitaires were totally ridiculous but now I think I should have got a big one for my ring then later, say after the kids, another stone and have them made into earrings. I suppose than means I have also changed.
I told my husband I didn't want an engagement ring, so he proposed without one. The we bought a bezel set of three sapphires and two diamonds which is very old fashioned looking and I love.
A few years later I bought an eternity band of round diamonds that I also love.

I suppose you did the right thing in giving the ring back.

flutter said...

I do, mine is a plain, thick, platinum band

christina(apronstrings) said...

i do. i adore it and miss it since i haven't been able to wear it. it's vintage with three square diamonds. i heart it.

MckMama said...

Yeah, I have a chunky platinum band with one bezel set diamond --that used to belong to my grandma--in it. My wedding band is a thin eternity band with little diamonds going all around it.

What about you, Niobe?

And, as far as K and A, three questions: Is it possible that you just didn't notice the rings before and that they've always had them, or are you fairly certain they are new? Maybe they are wedding bands and not engagement bands? And, on a purely superficial note, is your eye that good that you can determine between white gold and platinum based purely on sight? Or was that just conjecture?

Still "following" you--usually silently--as always and still in love with your writing style!

LawMommy said...

When we got engaged, my mother gave me the diamond my father had given her when they got engaged. (They got divorced when I was five.) It's a stunning diamond that my dad paid a lot of money for. My husband had it reset in a very traditional yellow gold solitary setting, and I wore it with a tri-color gold band for the first 5 years we were married. It got stuck on my finger when I was pregnant, and we had to use a lot of soap to get the two rings off my fingers. I have never been able to get them back on my hand, and haven't had the heart to have them resized because I (stupidly) believe someday I will be a size 6 again.

Husband bought me a white gold band that is engraved "passion" in Japanese, and I wore that for several years as my wedding ring.

Lately I have been wearing my late grandmother's wedding ring, a piece of jade surrounded by small diamonds in a yellow gold band.

h2o girl said...

I've never been with a man that would consider buying me a ring. Well, maybe one. I've always been the one good enough to sleep with but not good enough to stay with. I must project that or something.

Bon said...

art deco engagement ring from the '30s, with small square diamond, and her two wedding bands...the original white gold and the yellow that her husband bought her for an anniversary some years later.

i never wanted another one. when i got married, ex and i both wore silver Celtic knot rings. now, Dave wears a ring with our childrens' names engraved in it, and i wear my grandmother's rings when my fingers aren't too puffed up.

niobe said...

MckMama: Yes, I'm totally unobservant, so the rings might not be new and I'm just guessing about the white gold.

But I'm almost positive they're not wedding rings. They've said before that they want to have an enormous wedding with all their friends and family, somewhere by the ocean and I can't believe they wouldn't have told me if that had actually happened.

Monica H said...

Come on over- I have a pink rose for you.

Duck said...

I have an engagement ring (that we got after we got married, several months). I wanted one, and Mr. Duck wanted to get me one, not too expensive (never believed in that he must spend x months of salary bit). But I like it, it's pretty and shiney and makes me feel good.

passingwindows said...

I guess I'm very traditional when it comes to things like that, there was never any question for me of not having an engagement ring and luckily H is also traditional in that way. He gave me a beautiful ring, made in a design he picked out and using a diamond from his grandfather who he was very close to. I remember thinking, "Wow, he must love me so much to give me something with so much sentimental value for him. I don't know if I would do that ..." Yes, even in the good old days, I was cautious and cynical, not really willing to believe in life through rose coloured glasses.

About the burn out, I'm sorry to hear even you hit this at times. From my current dearth of posts you can tell I am sadly not the person who can help out with a guest post. It's a very cool idea though.

Wordgirl said...

My brain and politics seemed to fall clean out of my head when G proposed. Up until then I'd been railing against DeBeers and the diamond b.s., blood diamonds and the myth of it all -- inflating this common stone to usurious heights...and then G pulled out the beautiful lose stone that he'd actually purchased for a woman that he'd loved long ago -- and even with is history, or perhaps because of it -- I thought it was beautiful -- and he set it with two smaller ones that flank it on either side -- and I still hold up my hand and smile at it.

Ridiculous, yes, but there you have it.

Grad3 said...

I like to think of my self as a sparkle-e low maintenance type of girl. So yes, I have and love my engagement ring!! :)

The round center stone (about 1/4 carat) was my MIL and is off set by two smaller round stones and is set in platinum. While on the smaller side, it packs the sparkle-e punch that I love, love,love...

It fits me and my personality perfectly :)

How about you?????

Anonymous said...

I fell in love with a reproduction of a white gold setting that was based on an antique Edwardian design: It has tiny leaves, vines and flowers all around it. The diamond is a traditional 3/4 carat round solitaire, and surrounding it are four tiny carved flowers with even tinier sparkly diamond chip centers. It is the most gorgeous ring I have ever seen.

-Dayna

Rosepetal said...

I do, it's a princess cut solitaire diamond set on a platinum ring. We picked it out together. I got DH a watch at the same time, which we also picked out together.

MckMama said...

Ahh, thanks for the clarification. Though I would not have taken you for the "totally unobservant" type.

Bronwyn said...

I don't even have a wedding band! We kind of threw the wedding together rather hastily (shotgun, anyone? lol) and we didn't have time to shop for rings (nor were we particularly flush at the time), so we decided we'd do it at a later date. Then we lost Lydia and everything went to hell... 4 1/2 years later, still no rings (though I do wear a silver jobby that I bought myself, only because I've always worn a something on my ring finger). Maybe for Christmas this year, or on our 5th wedding anniversary next April.

I've been so out of the loop that I missed the news about your surrogate -- congratulations! I look forward to hearing how everything progresses.

Maria said...

Yes, I have a platinum band with a princess cut diamond, then two smaller diamonds - one on each side of the princess cut one. Then I wear the platinum wedding band underneath and a matching band above it - sandwiching the engagement ring. Each band has three diamonds on it. It's a Scott Kay design and a gorgeous set! :-)

Meg said...

My engagement ring is my husband's grandmother's ring, so there's sentimental value, but it's not my "dream" ring. So I've asked for a 7 year anniversary ring of my choosing! I'll wear it on my right hand. I know...I'm shallow....

Kristin said...

My first engagement ring was small, 3 tiny chips (we were pay cheque to pay cheque and it was $99 at a department store and I picked it), yellow gold but my wedding band was yellow gold with a white gold eternity knot.

My second engagement ring was his family crest (spontaneous proposal) and when our engagement ended, I put it away to give to our daughter - he has since asked for it back several hundred times as he wishes to give it to his nephew -- 3 years later I have finally caved and given it back - only to reduce the insane nagging.

My dream ring would be an emerald or sapphire set in brushed platinum and my band to be just brushed platinum.