Thursday, February 12, 2009

department of i should have seen this coming

When I woke up this morning, in the way that these things so often do, an idea emerged fully-grown from my brain. Athena from the head of Zeus, if you will. Minus the armor and the shield.

The concept was simple in its brilliance, brilliant in its simplicity: brownies slathered in vanilla frosting. A subtle melding of opposites. Complementarity in action. Yin and yang. Darkness and light. Rich chocolaty goodness mingled with creamy partially hydrogenated vegetable oil.

How was it possible that no one had ever thought of this before? I wasted no time in making -- and eating -- oh, say a dozen. Someone once said that there's no such thing as failure -- only feedback. But, sadly, as I sit here on the couch, my tummy is telling a somewhat different story.

What's the worst food combination you've ever created?

40 comments:

Kymberli said...

Frank does all the creating in this house. Hmm...I can't really say he's ever come up with a bad food recipe (yet). However, once he did eat garlic pickles, spicy jalapeno cheddar Doritos with ranch dip, and chili cheese dogs. On the same plate. At the same time. Late at night. And he fell asleep before brushing his teeth. At some point in time through the night, he rolled over and exhaled. Oh. My. Goodness. It was absolutely wretched.

Bluebird said...

You're kidding right??!!! With vanilla frosting is the only way my family eats brownies! Too funny!

niobe said...

Bluebird: Mmmm....maybe it was the (conservatively estimated) dozen that did me in.

Hannah said...

Well, I do eat ketchup on mashed potatoes if no one is looking.

My dad though is the king of weird food combinations. He once put a can of tuna fish in spaghetti sauce, and added half a cup (yes, that's an actual measurement, folks) of dark soya sauce to a batch of macaroni and cheese.

Yerk. But white frosting on brownies? Have done it many times. And love it. But I usually stop at two. ;)

Tash said...

I stick with chocolate on my brownies. Fuck symmetry, go for overload.

Does this poll include liquor? No?

I'm honestly drawing a blank on my own creations (i'm sure if my husband were here he could come up with doozies, readily) but once I gave my g'ma a carrot muffin recipe and found out the next time I saw her she substituted just about everything in the recipe for something else, and the whole thing sounded positively disgusting. Funny, but disgusting.

Which Box said...

Love me some pepsi ice cream floats, as you may recall from this past pregnancy. Mint chocolate chip and pepsi? Sounds awful, tastes awesome.

Also, I add corn to almost every concoction (ie, casserole-y things) I make. Sweet little crisp bursts of goodness. Like, ummmmm - dirty rice. Ground beef (or fake (vegetarian) meat), rice, spices, pepper, onions - and corn. Essentially, anything made with rice gets a corn tag along.

The Nanny said...

I'm almost ashamed to feebly submit my two options.

1. Peanut butter and jelly with dill pickle on toasted wheat bread. I am so not even kidding. The pickle makes the sandwich.

2. (I only did this ONCE in a moment of CARB DESPERATION) Peanut butter on wheat toast. Normal, right? Now add buttered spaghetti noodles. That's right. On top. It was surprisingly delicious but I've never repeated the experiment for whatever reason.

P.S. The brownies with icing? YUM.

missedconceptions said...

Brownies are even better with mint frosting. I think it may have been the quantity you consumed and not the actual recipe itself.

Lacri said...

Hmm, I nearly came to blows with an acquaintance who proudly shared her husband's "secret recipe" - a can of tuna, a can of smoked mussels, a can of ratatouille and a can of coconut milk. My stomach heaved and I blurted out "That's vile!" Her husband has never spoken to me again and my relations with the wife have been somewhat cool since then.

I still think it's vile.

Anonymous said...

When I was very young and worked in a Dairy Queen (for 40 cents an hour) a lady came in and ordered a bar-b-que sandwich with sliced bananas!

Monica H said...

There's not a lot I don't like, but I made a meatball casserole dish that had cream cheese, mayo, cheese and meatballs in it. Disgusting. It sounds disgusting, I don't even know why I made it. We each took a couple bites and it went straight into the trash. I have this thing against warm cream cheese- nasty.

Anonymous said...

My mom woould make my dad peanut butter and mayonaise sandwiches with lettuce. I've had peanut butter and cheese sandwiches. Creates a little heartburn though.
allypally

Anonymous said...

Peanut butter and mustard If my favorite Sandwich! But the grosses thing was my sister had crackers stuck in her chocolate cake.... Ummmmmm me, not so much... I am so glad Niobe you are still posting from time to time.... Your one of my favorite bloges... Thanks for staying!

Artblog said...

ooh, I have loads! :) In your case my dear it was most likely the dozen you ate that did it, ha ha ha, you're a glutton you are :)

x

niobe said...

Hannah: You know I love you dearly, but due to my extreme (some might call them crazy -- but I prefer the term eccentric) food aversions, the words m*stard, k*tchup, c*tchup and any and all variants thereof are hereby BANNED from this blog. At least until further notice.

Artblog and Missedconceptions: Sadly, I'm afraid that Sherlock-Holmes-like (though one hopes minus the opium), you have solved the Mystery of the Vanilla-Frosted Brownies that Sat in Niobe's Tummy Like Twelve Particularly Lumpy and Unpleasant Rocks.

On the plus side though, I've always been quite fond of gluttons (or, as they're known in the States, wolverines). Though my (purely theoretical) affection for them has absolutely nothing to do with THAT MOVIE. (you know the one I mean).

calliope said...

Maybe it is my Alabama roots- but I seem to consume a great number of wonky foods that have grossed out boyfriends & roommates for years. I adore eating cream cheese with green olives, but the one that slays the most people is my adoration for peanut butter, banana, and mayo sandwiches.

leanne said...

When I was young (like elementary/middle school age), my sister and I would eat potato chip sandwiches (white bread, mayo, potato chips). And we'd put a certain unmentionable, red condiment on eggs. I have grown up since then, thank goodness.

Oh, and should you brave trying brownies with vanilla frosting again, add some fresh fruit (blueberries, raspberries, strawberries) on top -- well, maybe wait til summer when such fruit is in season. I made brownies like this for my son's birthday last summer. Mmmmmmm...

Eva said...

Pickles and milk.

Magpie said...

Worst? Like good worst, or bad worst?

Good worst = pretzels and yogurt, and/or cottage cheese and tomato soup.

I take it you used frosting out of a can? That might have been your problem. That or eating 12 of them...

LAS said...

When I was a kid we used to eat ketchup and cheddar cheese sandwiches, and toast with mustard, relish and cheese on it. Gross.

niobe said...

LAS: I think you may not have gotten the memo.

Due to my freakish food aversions, I'm asking (begging, really) everyone not to mention k*tchup, m*stard, r*lish or, indeed, any other (shudder) condiment.

You have no idea of the depths (heights?) of my phobia, traceable, no doubt, to some traumatic, but firmly-repressed childhood experience.

After reading your comment, I may not be able to eat for a week.

Though, now that I think about it, that may actually be the after-effects of the dozen or so vanilla-frosted brownies...

(And Leanne: thank you, thank you for avoiding the k-word. Or is it the c-word?)

erica said...

Worst worst (as in I couldn't eat it) was when I added canned tuna to spaghetti sauce. This experiment should never be replicated. Even if you're exhausted from staying up three nights in a row finishing essays for graduate courses in English Lit. and are slightly drunk.

Yummiest worst - honey on vanilla ice cream, with walnuts. The honey takes on a chewy texture because of the cold, and the sweet tang of it works well with the creaminess of the ice cream.

SouthernGal said...

I once served my ex-husband chicken liver stroganoff. And, yes, that might be one reason why he's my ex-husband. Next time, dump a bunch of Andes mints on top of your pan of brownies (or one on top of each if you made them in muffin tins)- spread them out as they start to melt and then give the so-called icing 45 minutes or so to harden. Yum.

SouthernGal said...

I once served my ex-husband chicken liver stroganoff. And, yes, that might be one reason why he's my ex-husband. Next time, dump a bunch of Andes mints on top of your pan of brownies (or one on top of each if you made them in muffin tins)- spread them out as they start to melt and then give the so-called icing 45 minutes or so to harden. Yum.

Furrow said...

Your concoction sounds good to me.

B does the cooking in our house, and he went through a sauerkraut phase. There are lots of things that do not commingle with sauerkraut, and he served them all. I'm sorry that I cannot provide specifics. I've blocked them from my memory.

G$ said...

When I was a kid, I LOVED mayo on toast. LOVED IT. Now, I can barely stand to even look at mayo.

But yah, the vanilla frosting on the brownies sounds good. Although I prefer no frosting on brownies as they should be gooey, thus making the spreading especially difficult.

Shinny said...

Ketchup or buffalo wing sauce on Mac-n-cheese
Salsa and cottage cheese
Ketchup or salsa on eggs
I can't think of the other things I eat that gross out my son but I will share with you when they come to me. ;)

Wordgirl said...

I had a disastrous run-in with Lynn Rosetta Kasper's macaroni & cheese recipe in her new cookbook: How to Eat Supper.

Well, let's just say -- not with that recipe -- at least, not in our house...it reminded me far too much of an oniony-tomato-ey cheesy concoction I made when I was about eleven. With potato chips on top.

Awful.

Aurelia said...

I usually don't eat in weird combos, only waaayyy too much, as if you could not guess.

Hannah said...

Ooops, I clean forgot about the condiment thing. Since I have actually witnessed the reaction in person, I really am sorry I mentioned it.

Just look away... nothing to see here... all food eaten sauce-free...

B said...

My sister once made me a vegemite and raw cauliflower sandwich. That was a little odd. Although the date sandwhiches (with pips still in) that frequented my school lunch box, warm and with magerine sliming the side of the dates were quite off.

Can you believe I came from a house of such bad cooks. (see my bragging post to see how I turned out).

And tuna with pasta sauce I believe is similar to the Italian puttanesca (sp?)sans flavour.

I can't get used to the eastern european thing of piling whipped cream on meat. Or was it only the dodgy Russian Coachman that served that dish? I'm sure I ate something similar in Prague.

Elizabeth said...

I think mustard on chocolate chip cookies. I was 12... and thought they tasted great!

My husband's classic mishap was veggie chili with raspberry vinaigrette and beer. Pretty much inedible.

If you ate a dozen, they must have tasted good - but a dozen of any kind of brownie would make anyone sick!

diana said...

I've just ruined a chocolate cake, forgeting to include flour... An hour ago.
By the way, this is a blog I liked, and I have a feeling you'd like it:
www.cocoandme.com
Please, keep us informed. Are you decided yet for another one? Is the nursery ready? Is Handsomeness starting to smile? (no, he's barely past 4 weeks)

Jill said...

Cherry 7-Up and Mint Chocolate Chip icecream floats were a favorite in my group of friends when we were in jr. high. On occasion we added peanut butter M&M's too. I am a really picky eater, so its not often I have weird combo's. My kids and husband often do though. I think by far the worst came from my two youngest kids, who were about 6 and 8 at the time and going through a Ranch dressing phase. They were making bologna sandwiches one day and decided to add Ranch to it. They each ate a few bites and then decided it wasnt such a great idea.

Amy said...

When I was a kid, I used to take hot dog buns, butter them, stick a few Ruffles potato chips inside, and microwave it all for 10-15 seconds. It sounds disgusting, but I remember loving it. Now however, I think my reaction to that flavor combination would be less than favorable.

Ahuva Batya said...

If you took a poll of adults who grew up in the Waterloo, Iowa hool system in the 70s, you will find a disproportionate number of them require a peanut butter sandwich to go along with chili.

I personally eat fried egg- and- peanut butter sandwiches. I'm really not sure how I ever came up with that. Blame it on a shocking lack of adult supervision in my formative years.

beagle said...

According to my husband: peanut butter and banana. But I still like my Elvis sandwich.

And also according to my husband, I should stop sneaking teh veggies into the main dish and just serve them on the side. This after I added carrot chunks to a pasta and tomato sauce type casserole.

Emily said...

peach oatmeal sprinkled with sliced sweet gherkins. But only once.

Christine said...

mom om used to eat (insert forbidden word here--think tomato paste and sugar) on rice.

bleh.

Barbara said...

My dad used to feed me black molasses spread on cheddar cheese.