it's here
It's the moment you've all been waiting for: the July edition of the confession post.
As always, the rules are simple and few. (1) Choose the anonymous comment option. (2) Leave your confession in the comments. If there are enough comments, I'll add a couple of juicy confessions of my own.
So, let's get it started. My first (and only non-anonymous) confession: I'm not really all that fond of fig jam.
117 comments:
I just don't get why Michael Jackson's death is such a big deal. It's more surprising that he lasted so long.
^^I agree with the comment above.
I was a major cokehead when I was at university.
when dh leaves on a business trip, i can't help hoping that his plane is going to crash. i think about what i'd wear to the funeral.
There's alot of bloggers that I hate. Their always complaining ans whinging about stupid shit. Its like they have no fucking idea how lucky they are.
my husband and i are currently separated, and i wish he would have an affair so i could divorce him a really GOOD reason..
When people ask me how my brother is doing and what he is up to, I lie. I have no idea. I can't remember the last time I had contact with my brother. Since he never really tries to stay in contact and he seems to prefer to be left alone, sometimes I think it's just easier, better this way. But it makes me sad on those rare occasions when my child asks about him ("Uncle Who?").
I tell everyone that I'd be happy if the baby is a girl or a boy. But I really really want a boy.
Riffing on the above:
I don't care about Michael Jackson, and I know he's not a humanitarian.
I don't like my brother very much.
I sometimes wish my husband were dead so I could collect the life insurance money.
I don't think I've ever had fig jam.
Agree with #1, 2, 3 of the above, plus I can't stand fish.
No, #1, 2, and 4, not 3, 4. Still don't like fish.
I love fish. In fact, I could happily live on an all-fish diet.
My secrets are too terrible to write about here, even anonymously.
Everyone would hate me if they knew.
I think Niobe shouldn't say hurtful things about her family on this blog. As in "overexposure"
I think Niobe should say whatever the eff she wants about her family on her journal. And I think it's pathetic how many judgmental people flock to these Confession posts to complain about other people's secrets. There are a lot of judgy, self-righteous people on the internet.
@11:35 Niobe's mom? Is that you?
I am enthralled by these confessions and if I was Niobe, I don't think I'd be able to resist checking SiteMeter to try to figure out who was who.
I honestly, truly, love my husband and have a happy marriage and given all of the anti-husband confessions, can't help but wonder how many people merely appear happy in their marriages on the outside but on the inside despise the person their married to.
On a somewhat similar note, I've grown to truly dislike my "best" friend and would rather not be friends with her anymore. Eight years ago we started off with lots in common, but now I think our personalities have diverged so much that she does little more than grate on my nerves. I feel guilty because I think she feels as close to me as she every did before, and I'm still friends mainly because of the how close we were when we started out.
I am tired of people who are not in my position / haven't been through what I have giving advice like they have.
I completely agree with the previous poster. And another thing I hate is when people post on their blogs asking for advice and when others kindly give them advice, they always find a reason to reject all of it. If they don't want advice, maybe they shouldn't ask for it.
I read blogs all day at work.
I want to sell my house, move to the middle of nowhere and not give any forwarding address to anyone.
My friend keeps asking me if she should loose a few pounds. She should loose way more than a few, but I'm too much of a wuss to say it.
I'm pretty sure that my husband is having another affair (his third in the last five years). All the signs are there, he's "working" late at night, keeps his cell phone turned off, ect. And I don't even care anymore.
I have a sister that I rarely ever talk about. There are friends that have known me for YEARS that have no idea that I even have a sibling.
my father is one of those "pack-rat" people that you see the likes of on Oprah where he has napkins saved and used, circa 1983 and he smells of mildew. i have tried to get him help over the years to no avail. i am embarassed by him.
The fact that I exclusively nurse my babies, use cloth diapers, limit tv time, and had natural drug-free childbirths sometimes makes me feel superior to my friends who didn't do those things.
The thought of getting drunk turns me on so much, than often I don't even have to have a drink and I'm ready to go. But I'm ready to go in the sense of when I'm by myself. I can only get off by myself. I wish it weren't that way. I don't know how to get my husband to listen to my wants without feeling like I'm being a "nag". It's easier to do it myself. I feel like I'm missing out on that intimacy that so many people seem to have.
I think I might be an alcoholic. But how can I tell for sure?
I wish my relative/friends could be infertile. Just want someone else in my real world to know what this feels like.
I feel a physical pain over not being able to have a baby. But, I really think I should get a grip on reality instead of feeling so damn sad: I have a baby that I had at age 44, so I should just be thankful for that miracle. But I can't shake it. I am stuck in the Land of IF.
I feel like a drama queen but I am MISERABLE.
And I don't know how to fix that. At least not now.
I think that most people are MORONZ. They're so freeking stoopid that I'm not exactly sure how they manage to get out of bed every morning.
I'm ugly. I hate my face and I cry whenever I look in the mirror. I rarely leave my house because I'm so embarrassed by my crooked nose and ugly eyes. I become infuriated when my husband tells me that I'm beautiful because anyone with a functioning pair of eyes can see that I'm ugly. I'm sick of locking myself away in the house out of fear of being seen by the general public. I wish I was beautiful. I wish I had the confidence to let people into my life, to make friends, to be with others. I'm so lonely and I don't think this will ever change.
Everyone keeps saying that a loss is a loss. Bullsh*t. If you have a living child you're infinitely better off then those of us who are without children. Think about it.
I'M FUCKING HURTING, OKAY?
And I'm fucking jealous and fucking upset and I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME AND US.
I'm so lonely and unhappy and nobody can do anything about it.
I think about my husband dying, too. If we had that insurance money, we'd be out of debt, I wouldn't be stressed out all the time, and I could maybe take the kids somewhere on vacation for once in their lives. The only thing that makes me want him to be safe is the kids, because they'd be crushed. I would never wish him dead, but I don't think I'd be anywhere near as upset as I would be supposed to be if it happened. I believe that these thoughts mean that karma will see that I die somehow instead.
More and more often, I find myself wishing that I could just get in the car and drive away from all of this - my boring life, my kids, my husband, even the dogs. I know I'm lucky, and I love my children, but I really just want some fucking peace and quiet for once, in a place where I don't have to say idiotic things like, 'don't climb on the store book display'.
I once had a crush on one of my students. When I got dressed in the morning, I'd be thinking about how I would look to him.
My BFF kind of annoys me, and I wouldn't really care if I never saw her again.
I think My mother-in-law is freaking mental. Many a time I've longed to throw myself out of the car or whatever rather than keep listening to her blather on about god knows what idiotic thing. I wonder if she feels the same way about me?
My husband and I haven't had sex in over a year. In fact since we found out we couldn't have biological children 2 years we've had sex once. I'm not even sure I want to have sex with him ever again.
@ 8:43pm. I wish I knew you. I'd give you a hug, or take you out and get you drunk or whatever, just be there. I'm sorry you're hurting.
I am happy. It's hard to really believe that because I've spent so much of my life wanting something else, the next thing, etc. But I realized even though I'm still wanting something desperately (a baby, for the love of God why can't I have a baby???), I love my husband dearly. I have had to spend the past week away from him and missed him so much. And he makes me laugh - even though his farts almost kill me (he's gassy tonight). And I am surrounded by the best damn friends ever - and I really have to convince myself that I deserve all of this, dammit!
Michael Jackson's funeral was the best junkie funeral I've ever seen.
I am happy that a person I know cant have kids, and hope married fales ...... I hate her
I get physically sick when my husband touches me.
The reason I haven't made friends where I currently live is because I really don't want to make friends in a place I don't want to even be. My husband doesn't know this.
Having my nipple hairs lasered off was one of the best things I ever did.
I was a drug addict in my early twenties.
I am certain I was more witty and interesting then.
I made a mistake...a big mistake by marrying him. I should have waited. Now I have 4 kids and a house...and I so want to be away from him...I just don't know what to do...
I have neck hair chin hair nipple hair and it got so bad I leave razor in the car just incase I have to run didnt have time to take care of it. I didnt know you can laser it.I will have to look into that.
I've got chin hair, cheek (on my face) hair, cheek (on my ass) hair, MAJOR thigh/bikini hair, nipple hair, chest hair...it's hideously embarrassing and I can't afford to laser it. I just pluck. And I only shave my bikini area if I'm getting laid.
I have a bad hair problem too and it makes me feel like a freak. like a 2nd class citizen. like I am stuck in a horrible body that rebels against me.
I LOVE muster on icecream but no one I know does
I have hair on my teo like a man:(
YES, just one toe!
It's okay, guys, I have toe hair too. It's really weird.
I HATE where I live.
I think my mother likes the attention she gets from my daughter's death.
I have a hard time making friends, because I'm eccentric and make people feel awkward. When I try to act 'normal' I come across as shallow.
I hate fig jam too.
My 16 year old step son is a horrible kid who beats up on my younger step son. He choked him and left marks on his neck a few weeks ago and my husband finally said that enough was enough and if he did it again, we would call the cops and have him arrested. I hope he does it again so that he has to go live with his mother or anywhere really, as long as it isnt my house. I really think my life and the lives of my other kids will be so much better and easier when he finally isnt around anymore. I really dont like him, havent for years and it makes me feel bad. I dont like my husband to spend time with him, I dont like him to be in the same room with me and I dont talk to him if I can help it. I absolutely will not do anything special for him. I feel bad to because there are things my other kids miss out on because of my dislike for him. I dont take them to movies as often as I think about it because I dont want him to go, I dont take them for icecream because I dont want him to have it. Its not because he is my stepson, I love my other stepson like he is my own.
I am beginning to suspect my husband doesn't want more children but won't tell me. I'm not sure how else to explain that he becomes conveniently sick or would rather play online games or watch TV than have sex. But only when I'm ovulating. I wish he would just say something instead of letting me go through this roller coaster every month.
My husband and I have been together for 25 years, and I feel like such a fraud when people congratulate me on this amazing accomplishment. We have separate bedrooms, separate finances, and separate lives. I'm 44 years old and haven't had sex in ten years. We've not only grown apart, I can hardly stand the selfish, self-centered ass he's turned into. But he's disabled and bedridden most of the time, so I can't leave. No one in his family is able or willing to take care of him when he's sick, although they're more than happy to demand the few good days he has each month. The people I've worked with for years don't even know he's sick, or that I'm lonely and miserable. Most of them have been divorced at least once, and they're all envious of my perceived happiness and success. I don't tell them the truth because I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me, and I would feel bad ruining the dream for them. I just wish they'd quit asking me what my secret is for a long-lasting marriage. I do have one, but it's not what they think it is.
My husband has turned out to be the most disappointing man in the whole world! He was laid off in 2003 and did not really try to find another job. When we finally had our daughter, he asked me if it would be a problem if he were the one to stay home with her, since I am part owner of my family's business. I had no problem, as long as he did right by our daughter. Well, after a while, I figured out that he was really doing no more than sitting on his computer and parking our child in front of the television! I continue to do as much as possible with every free minute I have, but until I can find someone who I have to pay to help do things with my child, I am stuck!
I just look at this man, and I want to smack, choke, punch, anything to him! It is getting worse every day!
I judge women who don't breastfeed. I think most of the ones who say "oh I tried really hard, but it just didn't work" are full of shit. I REALLY judge women who have premature babies in the NICU and don't bother pumping.
I call myself a feminist but I resent my husband for not being the family breadwinner. I wish I could afford to stay home with our kids and blame my husband for the fact that I can't, even though I told him before we got married that this wouldn't be a problem for me so long as he was happy.
My husband is an alcoholic and will not stop drinking.
I am glad, in a way, that he doesn't help with the children much. If I ever wanted to leave him, I know I would be a perfectly capable single mother.
Every night as I lock the door - yet again - I worry that if I die my husband will still not remember to ever lock the door, and something terrible will happen to our children as a result. Then I feel ridiculous for even having such morbid and overreactive thoughts.
I've been gaining weight lately. I don't like it but haven't been particularly motivated to do anything about it. Two days ago I noticed my husband is getting a belly. Suddenly I'm motivated for us BOTH to lose weight.
I am appalled at my brother's parenting. He knows how to do it better, but is just too lazy and selfish to bother. They deserve far better than his benign neglect (masquerading as being flexible and easy going), particularly because he knows they are treated terribly by his alcoholic ex-wife. They were such wonderful little kids, and are being completely ruined by their parents. It makes my heart break whenever I think about it.
I hide my sadness from everyone.
everyone thinks i have it together. i am truly, truly miserable. i hate my life and want to run away or check out of this world. i hate feeling this way. i only stay because i know my husband is incapable of taking care of our handicapped child, the only child we have who took so long to conceive. i feel punished every day because i wanted to be a mother so bad and now don't want to do this. the meds aren't working any more.
Anyone here ever seen the documentary The Secret, not the book the DVD? It will change your life, I watched a year ago and felt a lot of what everyone just posted, then I rented it and WOW. Be good to yourself and rent this DVD. I hope it help some one else out there. Not the book the DVD!! IT much better! :o) :o)
I just saw that DVD and yeap it works! I felt great after seeing it!
I live a double life. It's really not as exciting as it seems.
I am appalled (appalled!) at many of the spelling and grammatical errors of others. I know, I'm a horrible person.
Anon @8:29 p.m. I TOTALLY judge people based on their spelling and grammatical errors. You're not alone. :)
I am a woman and shave my arms weekly from wrist to elbow because they are as hairy as a man's arm. I never wear short sleeves. I hate that I look like this.
A woman who works with me keeps on moaning because she is not falling pregnant. They've been trying for three years, they only have sex once a month and that's a lot according to her. When she's complaining about other people having kids and her not, I feel like yelling at her to go and have herself checked out. It's been 3 years dammit and start doing what needs to be done to actually HAVE SEX and have a baby. Maybe I'm overreacting. She was so pissed off when I fell pregnant, but WHY does she not get help, it's there, just get it.
Sometimes I am glad that breastfeeding failed so utterly and spectacularly. It kept me from being a massively sanctimonious judgmental asshole about the parenting choices and life situations of others, and made me a more compassionate person.
Sometimes I get sad listening to other parents complain about having to take care of a "normal" baby without health problems. All I can think is "at least you don't have to give your child meds three times a day to make sure he doesn't die or have a seizure, and at least your kid can see." Yes I know this probably identifies me since it's very specific but who cares?
Even though I don't like listening to other people complain sometimes, I know how lucky I am to have my son, and I wouldn't trade him for the world, blindness & drug dependancy and all. He's still perfect.
I love this anonymous feature post! This is the first time I have ever left an anonymous comment on someone's blog.
I think people who believe there is a link between autism and vaccinations are idiots.
I think people who don't vaccinate their children (excepting those whose children have a legitimate medical reason for not getting vaccinated) are stupid and dangerous.
I'm a scientist. There is no factual basis for the belief that vaccines cause autism.
I wish they would stop putting others with legitimate health concerns and their own children at risk by not vaccinating.
I have a friend who is desperate for a child and I think she is a making bad decisions as a result.
She's always been fiscally irresponsible (loads of credit card debt, taking extra student loans to pay for living expenses and her wedding, etc.).
Now, instead of finishing school so she can hurry and get a job with insurance that covers fertility treatments (a mandate in her state), she's racking up more debt paying out of pocket for Clomid and ultrasounds (and considering injectables).
She and her husband are also looking into fostering. She had limitations in mind as to the children she would take, but then she agreed to take the first kids that came along (which don't meet her criteria). I don't think she's ready to parent these kids. I think it's a big mistake.
Lately my 6yo is driving me crazy. Every time I think he might have a little motivation he starts screwing it up again. I really don't like going to swim meets and watching him loose when he was winning a month ago and I hate that he doesn't care. I fell like he never does his best at anything and I don't know how to motivate him without hurting him. He is a sweet kid he just drives me crazy. I also think he has add and really want to put him on something for it.
I know in my head that eating disorders are a form of mental illness. But yet sometimes, in some twisted way, I still find myself in awe of people who have that kind of self control. I can't make myself go more than 3 hours without eating.
To the one who said she (appalled) at people with spelling or bad grammar, I think you are closed minded. Ever think maybe the person might be dyslexic? I am dyslexic and my IQ 137, what is yours? Also I have my PHD, again what do you have? I spell things wrong all the time and my grammar is bad. People like you make me sick.
dammit! i'm an idiot. oh well.
LOL you just made me smile!
I can't stop reading deadbaby blogs. I've been lurking on some of these blogs for over two years. My mom's first child was stillborn and I think it had everything to do with why she and I never got along. These stories are fascinating to me. My heart breaks for all of you and I cry along, but I never say a word because I don't belong among you. I don't even think I want kids.
I'm horrified that I have frozen embryos. I don't want any more children, but can't destroy them as I think that's akin to abortion. I was so fucking obsessd with having babies that I didn't think this far ahead.
I have stole things at work, i have lied, and about sleep with a married man .
I stoled some money too.
My husband cheated on me, and although we've worked through most of the damage it caused, I still can't truly forgive him for it. I don't know if I ever will.
@7:06 am: Like you, I have frozen embryos. I'd like to donate them to someone, but I kind of want to do it anonymously. I'm not sure how to go about it.
1) I pretended to my black friends that I'm bummed about Michael Jackson. In fact, I think that he was a child molester and that dying was the only way to stop him. But *they* were all so bummed that I would've felt like an ass saying that, so I pretended. Sorry, guys.
2) Partner + I have sex maybe every six months. Maybe.
3) Nevertheless, I think I have the best relationship of anyone I know. I worry that I'm deluded, but I'm happy and deluded. I only feel bad about it when I think that I'm 34 and *should* be having more sex.
4) I don't know if I'll ever forgive my best friend for being so effortlessly fertile.
5) I am secretly the worst employee ever. I keep thinking I'll get found out eventually, but so far, no.
You know what I hate more than bad grammar and spelling? People who trumpet their IQs and graduate degrees. Now THATS obnoxious.
But most of all I hate quackery – particularly non-vaccinating parents and homeopathy.
I know at least one honestly stupid person with a Ph.D. And I'm not talking "she's got quirky-domain-intelligence". This woman is deep stupid. There's no there there.
A Ph.D. means nothing. Tell me where your degree is from and I'll tell you whether or not I'll take it as certification of your intelligence. I'm sure some people would argue with me about this one, but I've never seen a dumb Ph.D. from a good program.
I do know quite a few brilliant people without a degree; one of them only sort of graduated high school. Really. It don't signify.
I wish I could go back and live my life over again, knowing what I know now. Not to fall in love with a gay man or to marry a man that is much older than me and never wants to touch me or initiate sex. He is draining the life out of me. His best friend is the t.v. and computer. Listen up young gals, think ahead 20 years before you say I do. I wish I could run far away from it all.
To the one who married an older man whose best friend is the computer/tv, it doesn't matter how old the guy is. My ex was only 23 and he was like that too. The worst part was he started off all charming and whatnot and then it got to the point where we never left the house ever and said maybe all of 2 words to each other in a day. So glad to be rid of him!
I am a different anonymous dyslexic with a PhD (in physics, from a very highly respected research institution, not going to post it here). I don't know what my IQ is, but I am very very bad at spelling. And it isn't like I haven't tried.
But then I also judge people on all kinds of other things.
You asked for a separation. We're "working it out" but I no longer want to. Go, already. I don't miss you at night, and that's how I know it's over.
You asked for a separation. We're "working it out" but I no longer want to. Go, already. I don't miss you at night, and that's how I know it's over.
I am in love with someone who isn't my husband. I think about divorce. On the surface, I have the perfect marriage, baby, house, career and don't understand why it's not enough. I know that I am ruining everything but I can't stay away from my love, who is on a slippery slope to becoming my lover. I am good at lying and it is killing me and sustaining me at the same time.
i always wonder how niobe would post her confessions...the lamest ones? the most shocking?
now i'm thinking, maybe it's with spelling and grammatical errors.
Some days I wished I lived in a small apartment with little possessions. I think I'd be happier. Instead, I own a home, have lots of junk, need more junk and have to clean it all.
After three years of marriage I'm still shy about initiating sex. How pathetic is that?
I can't get pregnant again. Perhaps that's how it sound be. One living, 2 dead. Maybe that's it. It could be worse, much worse.
And Michael Jackson was a freak.
And I can't spell - shoot me.
And I am lazy. And I haven't shaved my legs in a month.
I think people who don't vaccinate their children are leeches who use the rest of us who do vaccinate our children.
I constantly compare myself to other women and always manage to come up short.
I lie and tell people that emails went to spam when really I read them but didn't feel like responding.
I also think about running away from my responsibilities and starting over.
I got kicked out of the military for trying to commit suicide. I always lie about it because I am ashamed.
I pick my nose.
It hurt my feelings when other commenters made rude remarks about my last confessions on this blog.
Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses freak me out. Even if they are nice people I never trust them completely.
My children irritate the hell out of me most of the time.
I don't vaccinate my kids, and I never will. My decision, not yours, just as it was yours to vaccinate and I am not judging you for it, I just chose a route that I believe is best for their health.
I want sex more than my husband does. It's starting to irritate me that I have to say yes all the time and he just says no whenever i initiate. I've stopped initiating, I'm scared that I'm going to stop caring.
I was molested by my great-grandfather. I told my mother when I was 10. I thought she wasn't going to believe me so I said that he pinched me as well, he didn't. He just molested me, touched me, I feel like vomiting.
I'm addicted to reading/following dead baby blogs. I want a baby so badly, I'm 37 and can't find a husband. I appear happy and normal to the outside world. But I'm miserable. I don't even think I'm infertile (yet). But I think about killing myself everyday because I feel like I'll never have a child. I'm usually just a lurker because I feel like I have no right to read the blogs, let alone comment.
I think my confession is the worst one here.
Sometimes my mind wanders and I imagine my dh dying including what I would wear to the funeral and what I would do with the life insurance money. I think I vomited a little in my mouth admitting that just now.
I rarely shave my legs. The hair just doesn't grow that much so I maybe do them once a month and nobody can tell. It's a little weird.
I blame my husband for everything bad that has happened since we met.
He "needed more attention"; my grad school applications suffered. Now I have a useless BS degree because you can't do anything in the field I studied without a PhD.
He used my purse to shoplift; I got arrested. And convicted. I had to lie about the conviction record to find employment.
He doesn't bother looking for a job. So I work every every extra shift I can because we need the money. He whines that if I really cared about him, I'd cut back my hours.
He refused to clean up anything in our apartment despite being there with nothing to do (and whining about the lack of things to do); I lost $600 in deposits because of it.
He spends every last dime he can find; I have to hide money from him.
So why do I stay? Because he's the only man I've ever met who doesn't scare me after my history of sexual abuse and assault. Because I miscarried our baby and I refuse to cut him loose until I have a living child. Because I really don't think I could do any better.
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