Thursday, October 15, 2009

99.7° fahrenheit*

Just because daycare has a 24-hour-fever-free policy, I spent yesterday stuck at home with a slightly-pink-cheeked-but-not-especially-sick baby. Feeling all cheerful and optimistic, I perused a book of baby names and wrote down a long list of possibilities only to find that L didn't like any of them.

Shades of last time round, when I came up with approximately eleventy six zillion names, all of which were nixed by L, who made two suggestions of his own, both of which were names that, for a whole variety of reasons, I never, ever would have considered. In the end, we went with the one that wasn't the name of my ex.

As it turned out, I'm perfectly happy with the name we chose, but, understandably, I'm a bit wary of going through this whole thing again. Oh, and we're both absolutely sure that it's going to be a boy. Because we can pretty much agree on a girl's name.

If this is something you've dealt with, I'm wondering, how did you (or do you plan to) choose the name(s) of your child(ren)? Not so much what the outcome was, but what was the process by which you reached a decision? Who did the looking? Who did the vetoing? What were the factors that came into play?



*Which would be 37.6° celsius. More or less.

41 comments:

Photogrl said...

I did all the name choosing, M. did all the vetoing.

Surprisingly, the name of our daughter was pulled "off the table" in the early days by him.

Yet, when she was born, we both agreed that the vetoed name was THE name.

Guess you could say I won ;)

Jus and Kat said...

I kept (and am still keeping) 2 ongoing lists of names (1 for boys and 1 for girls) on the notepad in my iPhone. I just add names that I like, names that I've heard in passing, family names, names of characters from shows, etc.

My husband's actually named both of our kids (first names) and I've come up with the middle name based on factors like cadence and how it sounds with our last name.

It's all very scientific, I'm sure! :)

Magpie said...

We just kept tossing out names, and making lists. One day we went through all of the female names in all of the Shakespeare plays. One name kept coming up, but it wasn't until I was in L&D that we settled on the name. And he kind of got the last say on the first name, because the middle and last names were immutable - and they are also my middle and last names.

Anonymous said...

For the first baby I made the list and let my husband choose which name from the list he liked. That was how I was named.

Twins that didn't live -- the first twin's name was chosen by me, my absolute favorite baby name, husband had no choice, that was the name, period. So when we found out there were two babies, I felt obligated to let him name the other baby.

The fourth child was named after one relative from each side of the family.

Sunny said...

Ugh. Baby names.

I have always liked the name we picked for our son. But when we actually got pregnant, I worried that it was too common -- it's a traditional name that appears on most of the "top baby names" lists. We hunted in vain for MONTHS to come up with something else. But we met him, and that name was perfect. I love it, I love him -- the name only belongs to him, as far as I'm concerned. :)

Now we are having twins -- and our last ultrasound hinted at two boys. Of course it has to be, because boy names are harder for us to come up with. It's not a matter of vetoing... it's that neither one of us love a name enough to want it to be THE NAME. Or this case, THE NAMES. It's going to be a tough road coming up with two more. I pray inspiration strikes before April, or there's a real danger their kindgarten teacher will be calling out, "Twin A?" and "Twin B?" when she takes attendence.

Anonymous said...

Our crêche has fever policy of 38.5. Ah the old country. All my best loved names were shot down too. We finally came up with something Frenchy that we both liked. And luckily that happened twice. Good luck. And enjoy the chard!
allypally

Jayme said...

We made lists from baby name books... swapped, crossed off the ones we hated, added ones we hadn't considered to our own lists... kept stuff that was on both... slowly whittled it down from there. A couple of times we went in with a few choices, and made the decision after meeting the baby.

areyoukiddingme said...

We talked about it - my husband threw out names, and I vetoed them. He was pretty set on one (unusual, biblical) name, and I agreed to it as a middle name. We then settled on a fairly old fashioned, but quite popular, girl's name. Upon trying to say our name, it didn't work for me, so we had to reverse the order. The name fits her, but I'm not a huge fan of unusual names. She'll be repeating it for people and spelling it her whole life.

As far as boy names, he really wanted to name a little boy Giovanni and nickname him Geo (or Gio, I guess). I told him that there was no way that I would have a child named after a cheap car. Then I told him that my name pick was a derivative of my maiden name. He vetoed that. Good thing we had a little girl.

PaleMother said...

In each case, we waited until we knew the gender at 20 weeks to begin any serious discussions. To cut the pain in half.

I did the searching the first time. DH just made jokes every time the subject came up, until I insisted that we get serious (I'd heard too many horror stories of last-minute namings). To get the ball rolling, I culled through several doorstop-sized name books (DH had no interest in that chore) and made a list of eleven or so girls' names, with some strong personal favs, all of which DH hated. But he did choose another one on my list -- it was almost as an afterthought. I liked it, but hadn't ~seriously~ considered it until DH called it out. So this turned out to be our most "satisfying" round of the name game. I chose it first, but if it were not for DH ... we would never have used it. In a way, we both chose it.

The second time, DH and I discovered that boys names are far worse ... at least they were for us. We eventually settled, with some trepidation, on a name that was only just, just, just emerging in the US. Now you see it EVERYWHERE. But then ... and even sometimes today ... some people tell us they've never heard it before (Liam, the Irish version of William). DH's fam is big on Ireland and Irish music, so the name was far from unfamiliar to the in laws. But the twist was ... DH's family name is Chilean (even though they are mostly Irish except for that lone, distant, paternal branch of family tree -- and they look very Irish). "Liam" was a bizarre combo with the last name (isn't that always the way? You finally find a name you like, but it either lends itself to horrible nicknames or initials ... or it doesn't go with the last name at all ). The surname issue almost led us to drop it. ~Except~ that we truly could NOT find another one that we both remotely liked so well. In the delivery room, when they asked the name for the paperwork, someone exclaimed "ONLY IN AMERICA!" (Thanks, @$$&*#%) The eventual popularity of the name here was foreshadowed by the nurses on LDRP ... they informed us right away that there was another Liam down the hall born the same day. And that they were actually hearing it a couple of times a month. Which was surprising to us then, but now you can look back track it's steady rise up the popularity lists ever since. And now, seven years later, the combination of ethnicities in the name sounds fine to us. I couldn't imagine him with any other name.

Last time ... we'd had such a hard time with boy names before that we knew we were in for a struggle. I made ~one~ thorough sweep of the name books and came up with a very short list of names that were all a lot edgier than either of us liked. After DH rejected all of my suggestions, I literally threw the books at him (lightheartedly) and told him it was his turn. It seemed like there were only two lanes for us: waaaay out there and Dead White Male Names that made us snore. We had a short list, but nothing either of us had any enthusiasm for. I didn't like his half-hearted choices and he didn't like mine. That's how we ended up literally still discussing it on the way to the hospital. Neither of us had a strong preference, but we couldn't agree either. It. Was. Misery. Ultimately, DH ended up naming him because I was ~that~ frustrated with the discussion. And stalemate was not an option. When he gave the name in the delivery room, I couldn't believe I had been so passive about it (not like me AT ALL). Fortunately the name has grown on me, and I don't regret it now. But at the time, I thought there was a good chance that I would. #3 is two years old now. I took him to a "soccer" class a few weeks ago and there was another Dylan there. A girl. Great. One of those names that suddenly does a gender flip. LOL.

Good luck!!

Tash said...

We never had tasks per se, never looked through books. We'd just come up with something, run it by the other person, and decide whether it was one worth remembering a little while longer. By the time we got to birth, both times, we had one boy name (both different, interestingly, even though neither was needed) and two girl names. Then we took a look at the kid and said them out loud a few times and made a decision. If there is ever another child I'm happy to simply call him/her "baby" until about first grade when I'll hopefully, finally be over my paranoia and can think of a reasonable name.

Also: we use my last name as a middle name, which really cuts down on the decisions.

Good luck, this is always tough.

tree town gal said...

Thought of dead relatives... took it from there for the first one. No question on first child since it was a girl... after my most beloved aunt who died way too soon. And my daughter has my aunt's humor, spunk and zest. We got lucky. I guess I made the suggestion, got agreement from hubby.

Second one -- another dead relative... but I wanted it to sound OK with daughter's name too. Again, I offered name, hubby approved (it was after his beloved grandfather so I feared little argument).

I also cared how the names (first and middle) sounded with the last, of course. And initials... nothing too weird.

elizabeth said...

The girl's name was easier; I proposed my sister's middle name paired with his sister's middle name, he liked the sound of it, and that was that. The boy's name was much, much harder; neither of us liked any of the other's proposals. We finally went to B&N with a friend and all three of us read through baby name books tossing out ideas - it was a lot of fun although it didn't really help us narrow down our options. There was one boy name on my list that he didn't hate, and that ended up being our top pick, but we didn't end up getting to use it (yet)...

angie said...

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, we were lying in bed, lounging and dreamy, and I said, "Do you like B-------?" And he said, "Yes." And then a few moments, he said, "Do you like L---?" And I said, "Oh yes." And then we sort of tried them on with our last name...so we pretty much picked our babies' names on that first day, and just stuck with them. The first one was our first baby, and the second on our second. We had some boys names, but never attached to any of them.

serenity said...

We played the name game ad nauseum for MONTHS, starting around 18w when all looked well with O and we thought "well, we should think as if we will bring home a baby."

We picked a girl's name very quickly. Had a very hard time with a boy's name (and had a boy, of course). The middle name was easy - was a name to honor my MIL's twin brother, who died pretty young.

Ultimately, we went into delivery with two first names. Both of which we liked okay, but never really LOVED. (i.e. neither one of us could find a reason to veto it.)And I let J pick his name from the two because I truthfully couldn't choose.

It's turned out well - O lives up to his name exceptionally. (Course, he probably would have made a good B as well...)

xxx

Alison said...

Lots of baby name books, lots of lists, settled on a name but when he was born, it just didn't suit him so back to square one with no back up. Husband talked me into one but now I love it and he is his name.

Second time round, vowed to get my way and had a secret stash of names I'd loved for years if it was a girl (which it was) and I kept my favourite one til last whilst he trashed all the rest. But he loathed that too with a vengeance. But love the name we did choose which wasn't on any of our lists.

Love your son's name. Sure you will have fun choosing.

Lavender Luz said...

I chose Daughter's name and Husband chose Son's. But we each had veto power.

Here are some boy names we eschewed. Help yourself :-)

http://drama2bmama.blogspot.com/2008/07/vetoes-names.html

Furrow said...

I came up with most of the names on our lists, and he was lukewarm about most. Then one day around 16 weeks, I said, I thought of this name today for a girl: Z0r@ (not spelled that way of course) and he said "That's my favorite name!" though he had never mentioned it before. Weirdo.

Rachel said...

I picked out my boy name as a child, then married a man with a last name when combined with my name that would have caused ridicule. That ruled out my name.

We choose our son's middle name 1st, in honor of our friend's stillborn son. We had several first names we liked but only one sounded really good with the middle name. It is the name of the town where my dad grew up.

I'm 30 weeks tomorrow expecting a little girl. We might have a name, but I'm not certain. We have scoured the baby name books trying to find the perfect name, and we can't find anything we are in love with. We may end up flipping a coin after she's here.

I hope Cole is feeling better tomorrow.

Sue said...

C and I picked out names when we were still dating. Before we were engaged. That's pretty sad.

One for a girl, one for a boy. When we found out we were having twins, it opened up all kinds of possibilities, especially before we knew they were both boys. One of our sons got the name we planned all those years ago.

C has a family name we wanted to use for the first born son, and because my mother had died, we knew one of their initials (at the very least) would be the same as hers. We also wanted give them names from the Jewish culture and from Celtic culture (first and middle, middle and first), so we were both represented.

My mother has a namesake now, and our firstborn son has come and gone. If we have a living child, I guess we'll begin the process all over again.

Good luck with this, and hoping that Cole is back to 98.6 tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I named our 1st DS, after my favorite soap opera character and my Dads name. With DS2 we never agreed on a name, except his middle name which would be DHs Dads name. Since I named #1 he got to name #2. He picked it out of a baby book, a week after we came home from the hossy. They kept calling and saying they were going to name him Baby if we didn't get a name in.

thordora said...

I got to name the first since I had her name in a dream, and he got the second. We each had veto, but that's how it played out.

We knew it wasn't a boy either time because we couldn't pick a boy name to save our lives. We settled on Darwin when Vivian was born out of a lack of anything else.

I loved picking names. :)

Gretchen said...

Same as many above. I proposed names, he was like a veto-happy president.

We never chose a name until after our babies were born. We wanted to see who they were, first. Our compromise was to go to the hospital with a short list of about 3.

I'm glad, because more than once the name I was pulling for didn't quite fit the little face.

Azaera said...

Chuck and I knew immediately before we even got pregnant. When we started trying we talked about names, we both decided on Skyler for a boy. The middle name we weren't sure on until the drive to the hospital when I went into premature labour. We had been debating between Alexander and Liam. My family is Irish and Scottish. So when I tossed out Liam on the way to the hospital Chuck agreed and that was that. We have had a girl's name picked out for just as long. I'm still hoping to use it eventually.

As for if we have another boy I have no idea what we will name him. I have too much trouble with boys names. I want something that isn't too common, but not too weird either. It's so difficult with boys names.. /sigh. Good luck with naming your next one.

K @ ourboxofrain said...

Like Jayme above, we each made lists, traded, combined, excised those we hated (well, I put all the names in a spreadsheet and hid the rows of the excised names -- never know what we'll regret later). To our spreadsheet, organized by sex, we added possible nicknames, meanings, social security rankings. We then rated the names together and re-sorted by rating. It was a tedious process (and showcased my extraordinarily methodical nature), but was undertaken after we did the whole I-propose-he-vetoes thing for a while and I got mad. All that said, we didn't pick beforehand -- we just went with the list and decided after he was born.

LawMommy said...

I actually wrote a whole blog post about how we named our children...it's here: http://adventuresoflawmommy.blogspot.com/2007/07/requiem.html

Gabriel wasn't named until we saw his face - we had it down to three options, and we decided after we'd had a good look at him, that he was Gabriel.

Lana was going to be Sophie. I'm so glad she's not - Sophies are everywhere right now, and Lanas are few and far between.

painted maypole said...

we couldn't agree on a boy's name, but my hubby came up with a few girls name, and we both really liked his top choice, and so it was...

Caro said...

Our nursery has a 24 hour fever free policy too.

As for names we both made a list and had a veto on one we didn't like. We narrowed it down to a short list and then decided after he was born. We do have a girls name that we decided on long ago but not sure if we will ever get to use it.

Sarah said...

What a great topic! I'm obsessed with names - their meanings and origins and spellings. Have been most of my life, so I'm still amazed that my kids have such common names. If I ever manage to get another baby into my arms, bless it's heart - the name will probably border on the ridiculous in everyone's eyes but mine! Really enjoying reading everyone else's process!

Have you checked out the Baby Name Voyager? Google it, if not, it's good fun. :)

With our first, I had a name picked out for either sex, and that was the name. My husband went along with that until a 25 week u/s we had, where we found out she was a girl. The tech laughed and told us we'd change the name 100 times before the baby was born. This had apparently never occurred to my husband, and he immediately began trying to change my mind, and said he wasn't crazy about my choices. I wanted to find that woman and slap her! Haha. So the bargaining began, but he didn't have a massive list of names, so I was offering options, and he was vetoing. I came across another combination I liked, which was using my original first name as the middle name, and a new first name, but I didn't think my hubby would go for that name. His primary concern was that it not be in the top ten lists, and the first name was quite common. Still is. And then he called out of the blue (he travels constantly), with just a couple of weeks til the due date, said to me, "I like Caitlin Grace. You've got 24 hours to contest it, or that's her name." *THAT* was the name I wanted. I couldn't believe it! But I was happy. "Caitlin" wasn't on any popular lists, but it turns out that if you combined all the jillion different spellings, it would've been #3 that year! Ha!

With our second, we found out he was definitely a boy quite early, around 17 wks, due to a lucky and very clear u/s angle, and by 20 wks, we were confident that we had his name picked out. Told everyone. It was on his second u/s. We had no doubt. Then, about 2 wks before he was born, we were walking through our neighborhood and heard someone yell that name... and instantly we both looked at each other and realized we didn't think it was right anymore! "John" is a major family name in my family, and we briefly considered naming him John and calling him Jack, just because there were so many Johns already in the family. But I didn't want to name him something & call him something else, so we blew that off early on. As we walked, I said I kind of liked Jack as his name, without John, and my husband fully agreed! We went with Jack Jameson, and tell people we named him after our favorite whiskeys. A lie, but always gets a reaction! We feel like we honored both of our families, with Jack as a nod to John, and Jameson after my husband & father-in-law, who are both named James, plus Jameson is what I told him we'd name our first son the day we got engaged. :)

I already have names (I think) picked out for the babies I still dream of having, but who knows?

Sarah said...

And randomly... a friend's child's school has a two-days-on-abx policy! Uh... what if the kid has a virus? She wasn't specific, perhaps that's after an actual diagnoses. Hope your little man is fever free soon!

Feebee said...

We are going through this at the moment and are in deadlock! We have one boy's name each that we want to use - I don't hate his boy's name and he doesn't hate mine but I can't see either of us budging. I am hoping to pull the "childbirth" card on the day but if anyone has any tips for talking him round, I would love to hear them!

Bobbie said...

Our first was easy - she was partly named after my brother and partly because we loved the name - so it was fabulous that the two coincided.

For #2 - we were always stuck for boys name and weren't having much luck until my brother sent me along his shortlist of boys names and there was one name that completely stood out. I double checked that he was ok for us to use it (he's some way away from having kids himself), asked my husband what he thought and we both thought it was perfect and that was the end of that (thank god, otherwise, I think we'd still be stuck)

Eva said...

I'd had a name picked out since I was 12, but it was vetoed for linguistic reasons, and so I did some research and found something that fit all the various criteria and there was no objection.

leanne said...

We worked on names together for the first one. We thought of names we knew and liked. We also used a baby name book. We didn't consider any family names. Though with our last name, we knew we'd want something unique. Since we didn't know whether we'd be having a boy or a girl, we came up 2 girl names and 2 boy names -- so that if the child didn't "look" like one name, we had a backup. We both had veto power and used it. My husband really liked the names of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I wasn't convinced.

When our son was born, I was so overwhelmed I couldn't decide which name he looked like. So essentially my husband picked the final name (I did consent to using a TMNT name for the middle name). I really like my son's names -- though I was a bit chagrined a few weeks later when my sister, by way of a book, informed me that his first name was the name of a new cartoon character.

The second time around I had more say since my husband got to name our boy. We also decided not to find out boy vs. girl again. So we went back to our plan of 2 names for each and we'd consider using some of the names we had come up with the first time. There was one girl name that we both really liked from before, but I no longer liked the middle name we chosen to go with it. And then one day walking around the house a new middle name just came to me. That would be the baby's middle name. And somehow I felt that the baby would be a girl and I now had her name. My husband liked the new name, too. We had a baby girl and she has that new name.

Gibson Twins said...

DH and I argued about baby names back and forth, each nixing the other's ideas. We had our favorites but not a good plan to use them so we both felt happy. Delivery day was when we came up with our plan: DH would pick boy twin's first name and girl twin's second name (and he was SO original- used his first name and my middle name) and I picked girl twin's first name and boy twin's middle name. We ended up with a Ryan Nicholas and an Allison Elizabeth. Traditional, just how we wanted it.

Anonymous said...

Names are tough. It makes the baby a person, rather than an idea. That's really tough for me!

Our first was named several months after we started dating--and we dated for 5 years before marrying and it was another 5 before we had him. The second was named when my sister called and asked if we had a baby name yet. I asked my husband if we had a name yet, in jest, and he said yes, it will be -----. The third was named over a lunch on the Friday before my scheduled c on Monday. I chose a couple of names, husband agreed. I didn't realize until after he was born that the two names are very similar. I must like the initial "N" sound!

My favorite girl names were already taken by the cats so I guess it's a good thing we had all boys!

-e

Anonymous said...

Oh, and there was an article not too long ago that more boys are born of IVF than girls--by a lot more than the normal ratio. So, yes, there is a better chance that it's a boy than a girl. Mazel tov!

-e

Jen said...

My husband and I actually had had a "what would we name kids" discussion even before we'd gotten serious. Years later, we could not remember any of the names we both had liked. So we each would brainstorm names. Every once in a while we'd pull the lists out and we'd take turns vetoing ones that one of us hated and the other didn't like enough to protest. To get on the lists and stay, only classic and not currently popular names need apply. No creative spelling or made up names for us.

For E1, we went into the hospital with a list of 11 first names and didn't actually name him for about 40 hours after his birth. We had picked out his middle names months before the birth but needed to leave the first name until we'd met him.

Our first daughter died an hour after her birth; from the beginning of that pregnancy I had consistently felt a sense of dread. I'd had a dream about her a few days before she was born in which I dreamed that I was calling her name. When I told my husband the name I'd heard, he got really quiet. He then said that would be her name, he'd been thinking of that same name too. It was a name that we had previously and mutually removed from the names list. Her name was fated, I guess.

With E2 we went into the hospital armed with another list of 10-12 names, a couple of which we both liked. It came down to nicknames, the runner up's obvious nickname did not work with Lastname. I ceded her middle name to my husband since I'd chosen E1's middle name. We really only decided on what we would call her a couple days after we got her home as it took us a few days to settle on a nickname. I love her (nick)name, it felt like her immediately, it took me a while to get used to E1's name.

Anonymous said...

I come from a culture (Sicilian-American) in which you inherit your name the same way you inherit your DNA. Children are always named in honor of family members. We named one of my twin sons after my dad, the other after my husband. To me it was very important to carry on the tradition. I was named after a beloved aunt and and I always felt my name connected me to my roots and reinforced a feeling of family identity and meaning and belonging.

Anonymous said...

I come from a culture (Sicilian-American) in which you inherit your name the same way you inherit your DNA. Children are always named in honor of family members. We named one of my twin sons after my dad, the other after my husband. To me it was very important to carry on the tradition. I was named after a beloved aunt and and I always felt my name connected me to my roots and reinforced a feeling of family identity and meaning and belonging.

Jeni said...

I developed a shortlist, which P supplemented (at the last minute ... very annoying). Our son was born on Oct. 11 and named on Oct. 14. We took the twenty or so names we liked, and divided them into three piles: love, like and could live without. All the "loves" were kept and all the "live withouts" were dropped and we negotiated on which of the "likes" to keep in contention. We managed to narrow it down to four names and the final name was me giving in on the first and P giving in on the second (actually, I like the short version of the first name a lot a lot a lot).

Oh ... and since both names are Spanish, we made sure to send the shortlist to P's mom and brother who live in Spain ... wanted to make sure we weren't accidentally naming baby after a philandering politician, vapid pop star or notorious axe murderer. :-)

-- J

docgrumbles said...

I know this is quite a late comment, but 1) those fever policies, while understandable, sure can be a hassle, and 2) D and I tossed names around for the first 4 or 5 years of our marriage (before we were even trying) and never agreed on a single one. the one we chose for JAG is truly the first one neither of us hated, but both kind of liked.