Thursday, February 18, 2010

in which niobe sulks

arches
(photo by Gray)

I know I'm going to regret posting this.  In fact, I already do.  And let me preface it by saying that I realize that there are far, far worse problems to have and that I should probably just shut up and be grateful.  However, consider the following, purely hypothetical scenario:

Imagine that in approximately eight weeks (thanks to a wonderful surrogate named, say, Trish) you were expecting a, y'know, baby.  And, because Trish lived relatively far away and you wanted to be there when the hypothetical baby was born, you asked your parents to babysit your equally hypothetical toddler for a couple of days.

Under those circumstances: would it slightly annoy you if your parents refused to babysit because, on one of the nights that you'd be away, they had tickets to a play?  You know, hypothetically?


eta:  And feel absolutely free to suggest which variety of cheese would best complement my whine.

47 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMFG are you f*cking kidding me? Oh holy hell would I be pissed off. Hypothetically of course.

Patti said...

Um, wow, no I think annoyed would be the least of my emotions. Hurt. Insulted. Fine sense of betrayal. I could go on...

Damn, wish I lived close enough. I'd bring Jack and watch Cole and let you go get that baby!

Sorry, Niobe, sometimes people just don't get it, huh?

Anonymous said...

To make an informed judgment we need more information. Like, what's the name of the play? And do they have good seats?

Audrey said...

PP is onto something. Indeed, we require reams more data!

In the absence of this data, however, and because I am all about totally uninformed cheap psychoanalysis, I would suggest that the divergent priorities of these hypothetical parties needs to be explored further. Are the grandparents in question unfulfilled baby boomers who feel the need to self-indulge at the expense of their families? Are they ambivalent about the hypothetical new grandbaby?

To answer your question, yes, it would slightly annoy me (to say the very least). But I do not trust the grandparents in our family to take adequate care for any length of time...

areyoukiddingme said...

Are they unaware that babysitting can be sub-contracted? Yeah, that might annoy me.

I suggest, in honor of Gray, a nice Machengo...

LawMommy said...

Well...could you offer to purchase them tickets for the same show on a different night?

Could you offer to arrange for another babysitter on the night of the play?

And yes, I would be annoyed. And hurt. And troubled and angry and probably about 6 other emotions.

Magpie said...

I think AreYouKiddingMe nailed it. The grandparents hire a babysitter while they go to the play, and you eat a nice Manchego. Or Cabrales. Or Valdeón. Or maybe a nice plate with a little of each. And some quince paste on the side.

niobe said...

@Areyoukiddingme @lawmommy @magpie
Sigh. Let's just say that that potential solution has been suggested and rejected.

angie said...

Mother. Of. Pearl. I would be pissed off to high heaven. If I wasn't hypothetically going to have a baby of my own at the time, I would be there in a heartbeat.

Anonymous said...

Brie.

Tash said...

I'm wondering why the hypothetical subcontractor has been hypothetically rejected? Surely you have some dependable person lined up already who would gladly do this? Are they hypothetically for real? Scrub a whole week because of one night?

What Angie said.

Oh, and I'm gravitating toward St. Andre, lately.

Clarabella said...

Hypothetically, I would imagine that the play is just an excuse for a bigger issue. If they *wanted* to help out and babysit, they would, end of story. Hypothetically, I would be hurt and pissed, and I would probably not be shy about letting it be known. If this were a *real* situation (vs. hypothetical), I would say I am very sorry and good luck.

JenC said...

Is it a good play?

So if I'm understanding correctly, they are not going to be babysit their grandchild so that you can be present at the birth of your child? Are they serious?

areyoukiddingme said...

Hypothetically, I would pettily deny them access to the new grandchild. Because I'm really like that. :)

babyattheend said...

Your hypothetical parents are hypothetically ridiculous. I guess being a grandparent is old hat to them?

May I suggest comte or manchego... my two favorite cheeses, wine or not!

SouthernGal said...

My short answer is yes, I would be annoyed - and hurt - and mad - and lots of other things. The other part of my answer is that, if you live anywhere close to Charlotte, North Carolina, I'd love to babysit (and I come with references!)

heatherhollars said...

compeletly justified!!!!

Kymberli said...

Limburger - because it stinks just as bad as the hypothetical parents' refusal to be grandparents.

Emily said...

Brie.

It's rich and creamy. Soothing. And completely indulgent of sulking. I'm sorry for the lack of grandparent-al-involvement.

Chris said...

No need to tell you that those hypothetical future grandparents are ridiculous and probably have some bigger issues (as already suggested by Clarabella).

Should I wish that they hypothetically found out about your blog and just now read the comments and feel hypothetically ashamed? - Probably better not ...

And I suggest you dilute the whine with some actual (red Spanish) wine accompanied by Manchego or some marinated spanish goat cheese, mmh.
If that is not an option whine goes very well with cheesy movies (the more tears, romance and drama the better - preferably including one of the "sexiest men alive").

Amelie said...

Hypothetically, I'd be really annoyed. Argh. Sorry, Niobe.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, do we have the same parents?

-e

calliope said...

laaaaaaame!
and more so because lawd knows you never ask for anything!
that just sucks.

Angela said...

I'd be pissed & disappointed...

Had some great brie last night, so that is what popped into my head when cheese was mentioned

Jodi said...

It's unfortunate and disappointing. It's not really about the play, of course. They just don't want to do it.

I'd be pissed. It would cause me to reset my expectations for future help from my parents. And then I'd hire a dependable, well-referenced, professional babysitter. New babysitter could watch Cole either at home or on shorter-term assignment at the new baby's location.

Best of luck.

Bluebird said...

Hypothetically - "annoyed" would not come close to describing the way I would feel. In fact, "annoyed" does not come close to describing the way I feel just reading about this hypothetical situation!

Beyond that, I'm with areyoukiddingme --
"Hypothetically, I would pettily deny them access to the new grandchild. Because I'm really like that. :) "

Betty M said...

Absolutely it would annoy me. It would have to be some unbelievably amazing play. Refusal is indicative of a whole heap of other issues I reckon.

AS for the cheese please eat a load of unpasteurised cheeses from Spain or France full of microbes of dubious sort as I feel compelled to obey the guidance not to.

tree town gal said...

I'm sorry... I think I misunderstood this post... I just cannot wrap my head around what you have written. Maybe in more simple terms, if you will.

Kathy McC said...

I'd be fucking pissed. And I can put myself in your shoes, because my parents pull that crap on me ALL THE TIME.

They left me in the labor room when I was having Kam so they could go watch the latest Harry Potter movie. And they weren't even in town when Aaron was born. They would have, but you know, Aaron came later than they thought he would so they just couldn't stay in town.

Parents suck sometimes.

Yolanda said...

Gorgonzola, of course. Because it’s blue.

And hypothetically, I would hurt. And disappointed. But not just because they are being inflexible, but because (I suspect) they have let me down before. And I expected them to let me down, again. But I wanted to be wrong about that. And yet, here they are. Proving me right. And I’d be so damned angry and disappointed that I didn’t get to be wrong about them this time.

Or maybe I project too much.

Aunt Becky said...

That sounds very much like something my parents or in-laws would do and it would SO hurt me. I'm sorry.

after iris said...

Now, my dear, I own a cheese shop so I can certainly recommend some cheese (although you might have to come to England to eat it because I don't think it's legal to import an unpasteurised cheese to the US), Beenliegh Blue would be my choice. And with the cheese some commiseration - it sucks, it's ridiculous, you should be there to welcome your daughter. x

Jen said...

Wow, it would beyond annoy me. Count me in as part of the incredibly hurt and upset crowd. Because PP are right, it's not about the freaking play, it's about the loss of freedom that this for you would entail, it's about them not wanting the burden of your child. It's about them not wanting to make the effort. That's beyond selfish. If you were in California (and you knew me from Adam, of course), I'd offer to take Cole in a heartbeat. I have a 2.8yr old and a 10 month old - what's another toddler?

Hypothetically, I might tell them that if they ever need a kidney, not to call, because I might be having a pedicure that day.

moplans said...

I would be totally pissed off. Do they not know why you want them to watch your toddler?

Delenn said...

Pissed the fuck off would be my reaction, hypothetically, of course. This proves my theory on families--Families are made, not given.

Good luck!

Kristin said...

I would be seriously pissed off! What the fuck! Sorry but baby being born trumps a frakkin' play any day!

Anne said...

Hmmm...could you nonchalantly inform their friends about their hypothetical, bad decision? They need to be called out for their cluelessness.

In the meantime, have yourself some wonderful http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint-Nectaire It tastes like an earthy Brie. And have some icewine with it!

Karen said...

Oy! For flip's sake! Although, I am inclined to agree with your other commenter who suggested that if they really wanted to help out, they'd make it work.

Any chance the hypothetical toddler can make the trip with you and you can find a hypothetical sitter on the other side - some Trish trusts?

Anonymous said...

Is there someone you could bring with you, like a sibling or friend? While my parents would be too busy (but watch my sister's son all of the time) my middle sister would come with in a heartbeat.

My parents also did not attend my first or third's birth which was shocking to everyone. Especially the third's since he was a scheduled c-section. Some parents aren't particularly parental.

-e

red pen mama said...

I like Jen @10:40's comment about the kidney and the pedicure. That pretty much sums up my thoughts.

I'm sorry. I wouldn't be sulking, I'd be yelling and stomping. Possibly swearing.

If you're coming to southwestern pa, i could help you out. As long as it stops snowing. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

Trish said...

Oh no!!! What are you going to do?

Virginia said...

Oh hell yes. Hypothetically, of course. Because, you know, I've had my own hypothetical situation where some unknown people were hypothetically maybe not going to come to my son's funeral because it might, hypothetically, snow.

I suggest Wensleydale with cranberries. I really cannot get enough of the stuff but it is much too expensive to indulge in often.

Nearlydawn said...

Man, I'd be hypothetically pissed. Then I would take my hypothetical toddler with me and ask a GREAT friend to go along to help. That would be a hypothetical double-bounus since I would then have extra people on hand to help me when the hypothetical new one arrived. THEN I would send the hypothetical grandparents a note telling them how wonderful/amazing/special that person was for helping and that I hoped they enjoyed the hypothetical play. Then I would not answer their hypothetical calls for about 3 weeks. Oh, and just hypothetically speaking... I'd seriously consider not telling them the hypothetical baby's name until I decided to talk to them. 'Cause I'm like that too.

Emma said...

To be honest, I may be slightly hurt, but beyond that, don't we have to keep in perspective the fact that ANY assistance from family is a bonus? Its not a right, surely? They have their own lives, it maybe seems unfair, but ultimately, you have the right to ask for help, they have the right to respectfully refuse and not be manipulated into feeling bad about that. I see where you're coming from, I do, but they have their own lives and that's okay!

niobe said...

Emma: I definitely see your point. I wish they were more interested in me and my kids, but I have to accept the fact that they're just, well, not.

painted maypole said...

i love me some theatre, but, gee whiz. could they maybe get a sitter for that night so they wouldn't have to give up their tickets? or could the exchange them? yeesh.

Jen said...

Emma - it's one thing to not be interested and that's fine, painful but fine. For me it was the tickets as an excuse. Because that is one lame-ass excuse.

All they'd have to say is, "Sorry, honey, we can't do it." No excuse, just a statement. It would hurt but I'm sure Niobe could woman up and deal with it without much pain. But adding in the fact that they have tickets kind of escalates it to the "We are so not interested in you or your kids and it would be a huge imposition on our freedom. So we're going to tell you we have tickets and can't be bothered to get a sitter, that will make you feel inconsequential and not worthy of our time and attention."

You're right, help should be respectfully asked without expectations but they did not respectfully decline. Respect goes both ways. They don't have to help but that doesn't mean that they should have given transparent lies as to the reason they won't help out.