i confess
The death of my twins is not the worst thing that ever happened to me. Not by a long shot. Not even close.
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what i meant to say
reading list
- a directory for grieving families
- a failure of imagination
- a little pregnant
- a mending heart
- a second chance
- a series of unfortunate events
- adventures of law mommy
- all about preeclampsia
- am i doing okay
- amelies welt
- an accident of hope
- and here we are
- and the duck said
- antigone lost
- antropóloga
- apron strings
- awful but functioning
- baby passionfruit
- baby proof
- beaten but not bowed
- beautiful
- beyond the pale
- bloggings by deshaine
- blood signs
- box of rain
- bringing gabriel home
- broken heart diaries
- bub and pie
- certainly not cool enough to blog
- collecting raindrops
- coming2terms
- conceive this
- creating motherhood
- crib chronicles
- cruchy granola
- curvatude
- days of our lives
- discovering me
- doc grumbles i presume
- dragondreamer's lair
- drama 2b mama
- eight million pieces
- emma's mum
- everything is under control
- excavator
- expectant waiting
- finding my way home
- footprints on my heart
- for the flavor
- fortune cookie follies
- froggy baby
- glow in the woods
- greenblogger
- grownups are like that
- healing arts
- henry street
- her very own
- high land hard rain
- hopeful momma
- i thought unicorns were a myth
- i will be mom*
- i will never be over it
- i won't fear love
- i'm a smart one
- in her shoes
- in the land of broken hearts
- infertile fantasies
- julian's room
- just crazy enough to try
- just one more
- klepsydra
- la la land
- life after heartache
- life can be
- life from here
- life of uncertainity
- life with love and loss
- little beans 4 me
- losses and gains
- magpie musing
- making sense of it all
- mary's madness
- max's mommy
- maybe baby
- mcpolish
- me and my shadows
- miracle dive
- missed conceptions
- mommy wants vodka
- moshka*
- mother in mourning
- motherhood and angels
- my journey towards my little miracle
- my pain i hide
- my reality
- my resurfacing
- my scar smiles at me
- mystery mommy
- nate nate roller skate
- needs new batteries
- nicolas' garden*
- no matter how small
- noah steven
- not done yet
- one big maybe
- one tired ema
- painted maypole
- phantom scribbler
- plan b
- please give me back my heart
- project t*
- punch drunk
- pyjama mummy
- raspberry chip
- relaxing in the parlor
- rhymes with javelin
- riding the grief rollercoaster
- ryan was here
- seed dispersal mechanisms
- slouching past 40
- so close
- so dear and yet so far
- special survivors
- spin me i pulsate
- spiraling into control
- sticky bean
- sticky bun
- still hopeful
- still life with circles
- still passing open windows
- stitched up for the second time
- surviving my loss
- sweet/salty
- tears are for babies
- thalia's fertility journey
- that was the plan
- the callipygian chronicles
- the fertile soul
- the impatient patient
- the journey from here
- the littlest bean
- the para graph
- the view from the hill
- the woman who cried pregnant
- there's hope
- think pink
- third time lucky
- this is not what i ordered
- this that and the mother thing
- this too shall pass
- thomas woz 'ere
- three minute palaver
- too much too soon
- town criers
- trapped under ice
- trying to have a baby that lives
- tuesday's hope
- uncommon misconceptions
- under the mad hat
- unpollinated
- untangling knots
- uppercase woman
- wabi-sabi life
- waiting for . . .
- weebles wobblog
- what am i
- what does not kill you makes you stronger
- wheels on the bus
- which box
- wishing it would get easier
- words of a life
- write about there
- writing as jo(e)
- year of consolation
4 comments:
I just wanted to comment on the post you left on my blog this morning.
I don't know you, of course, but I really don't believe that there's something wrong with you. This is a lifelong process and so much of it is based on hindsight; reflecting back over months and years of healing and seeing your gradual progress.
You're so close to your loss, it's impossible to see much of anything. I remember those long, dark days. I didn't feel different then either.
Thinking of you...
((((((HUGS)))))
Wow, I can't imagine what you must have gone through not to rate the loss of your babies at the top of all-time sucky life events. I've had some pretty awful experiences in my life, but nothing comes close to the depth of misery I felt after delivering a dead baby. However,the world is indeed full of horrors, so it wouldn't take much imagination to come up with something "worse". I just don't know if comparisons on such a subjective scale are really worthwhile. (Which is not meant to minimize your original statement in any way.)
Hi there,
Over from Cecily's. I often write about my dead babies. I know I make people cringe when I say that, but why dugar coat it. They were my babies, and now they are dead, sitting on my dresser, in urns. Nate born at 22 1/2 weeks due to pre-term labor, Ava still born at 36 weeks, due to a blood clot in her placenta.
I started blogging to document my adoption journey...but what it has become is a place for me to let out my grief about my babies and infertility.
I'll stop by for a visit now and then.
so fuking true, and still, here we are.
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