Tuesday, March 20, 2007

a question

Given my extremely high risk of developing preeclampsia in any subsequent pregnancy, I've been seriously considering the idea of working with a gestational carrier.

For those not familiar with the concept: The gc would (fingers crosssed) get pregnant using our frozen embryos and would (fingers crossed even harder) carry the child to term. It's different from adoption in that the gc has no genetic relationship with the baby and doesn't have the legal option to keep the baby.

I hated being pregnant and have no problems with the idea of another woman carrying my child. I realize that I would still be devastated if another disaster struck, but my hope is to give the baby the best chance possible.

What do you think?

14 comments:

Bronwyn said...

Alright, I'll do it, as long as you give me an extra embryo to keep for myself ;)

I've had to give up on having a live genetically related child, so I don't have any advice for you. As an adoptee, I can say that adoption doesn't have to be a "last resort" kind of idea.

niobe said...

Oh, if I could adopt a child I'd do it in a heartbeat rather than go through the whole gc process.

Unfortunately, for various reasons (which I really really don't want to get into) adoption isn't an option for me.

Sara said...

I'll do it for you. Oh, I am sick.

I say, go for it. If you have the money and the chance to find an appropriate gc, any way a loved and wanted child can enter the world is good to me.

Would the gc be someone you know? Or arranged somehow for a fee? Is her care carried by insurance or do you have to pay out of pocket?

Anonymous said...

I normally don't post on any blogs I read; I'm a lurker. But I had to comment this time. I think it's a wonderful idea. Last year, my son was born at 27 weeks because of my severe preeclampsia. He lived for 65 days in the NICU until my husband and I decided to remove the ventilator. After he passed away, I had lots of tests done to see if we could find a reason for my pre-e. At first, no problems were detected, and my OB quoted us as having a 60-70% recurrence rate. With these odds, we looked into having someone carry our baby--my wonderful sister, who already carried two healthy babies, offered. But eventually another doctor found a genetic reason that she believed caused my severe pre-e. With treatment, she said my risk of developing pre-e again was 30%, and she thought if it did happen again, it probably would develop later in the pregnancy. We, for very personal reasons, decided we could try one more time, even though we had to accept the real risk that we would be burying another child. But with a 70% pre-e recurrence rate and with adoption not being an option (and it wasn't for us for very personal reasons either), then I think that a GC is a wonderful idea.

Jill

niobe said...

sara: I would probably go through an agency that specializes in locating gcs for a fee. In many cases, a close friend or family member is willing to act as a gc, but I don't have anyone who I would feel comfortable with even asking.

jill: I am so sorry for your loss. No-one should have to go through this. Thank you for your comment and your encouragement.

Katie W said...

i think it sounds like a wonderful idea. I think if i was in your situation it would be what I'd do if adoption wasn't an option.

Katie said...

I think it's a wonderful idea. The 'best chance possible' is an amazing gift to give your child.

Sheila said...

Niobe, this is the first thing I've read on your blog where you sound (cautiously) hopeful, so yes, yes, yes, pursue it.

I would say that even if you find someone who will do it for a fee, you should still anticipate you will have an open adoption-type of relationship with the woman you might find. If it succeeds, the kid is going to want to know the woman who carried him/her. We have a known donor for Z. and of course it's a different dynamic from a gc but not totally dissimilar. Open adoption is the closest emotional parallel and also adoption is the legal framework we had to negotiate. Do you know what the laws are in your state?

Lori said...

If you can create an environment where you feel comfortable with the GC, then I don't think there is anything wrong at all with this option. I do think it could have some emotional minefields, but I can't imagine you haven't already thought about and anticipated those. And of course, carrying a pregnancy yourself would be filled with emotional minefields, so this may in the end actually be easier (as well as safer).

After what you have been through, it's good to think outside the box and to find hope wherever you can.

Felicia said...

I was a GC. It was the best thing I ever did. I have no regrets and get updates ever so often. I was a little hard at the end, but like I said, the best thing ever. I think you should do it!!!

Good Luck!!!

Patience said...

Unfortunately for us, in Australia it's totally illegal (yes, we are backwards!)- but I say go for it, in a perfect world I know I'd do it in a flash given the chance.

Phantom Scribbler said...

Did you ever read the (now defunct) blog Chez Miscarriage? She used a gestational carrier. As far as I know, she's not participating in the blogosphere anymore, but I wouldn't be surprised if Cecily or one of the other major infertility bloggers could point you in her direction.

Magpie said...

If I had the means and the need, I'd go with a GC in a minute. I know several people who've been successful that way. Good luck to you.

vixanne wigg said...

I think it's a wonderful idea. I was curious about why your changes for a developing pre-e again were so high. Would a singleton pregnancy reduce the risk?