Monday, April 2, 2007

passed over

In the end, I steeled myself to attend the seder at my father's house. After all, there would be lots of people there and -- as long as my stepmother wasn't doing the cooking -- good food.

I called my father to tell him. He was overjoyed. "Just think," he said "This is the first time that we'll have all the grandchildren together." Not quite, I thought. Not quite.

11 comments:

Sara said...

How sensitive. I hope there are adults without children present for you to sit by. I will be the youngest person at our seder tonight, and yet the only one to have given birth. I'll think of you!

Lori said...

I cannot believe he said that. And especially considering your loss is so recent.

I am so sorry that was the response you received after making the big decision to attend this event.

I hope somehow, the evening is not completely unbearable. Sometimes "surviving" these kinds of events is all we can hope for.

Aurelia said...

The moments when I'm glad I have very few relatives...fewer people to piss me off.

I vote for drinking lots of wine and ignoring him.

Fiona said...

My firstborn was the first grandchild on both sides. Only my MIL still counts him in. I never cared about numbers until things stopped adding up right.

A peaceful Pesach, Niobe.

Magpie said...

I'm sorry. Drink Elijah's wine for your babies.

JuliaKB said...

Yeah... that's the attitude my MIL has. And my attitude has become that people in my family know how many children I had. Those who do not are not part of my family.
Must be a lot harder when it's your father... I am sorry.

Nicole said...

Oh my god, I am so sorry that sensitivity is lacking in so many of the well-meaning. Grrr.

Mad Mommy said...

that shit pisses me off.

my mom and my husband's grandmother recognize my first son, but other people (like my well-meaning but astoundingly clueless mother-in-law) go out of their way to avoid acknowledging him - which is a form of acknowledgment, i suppose, but not the one my son deserves.

i hope you transcend the ignorance and find some peace for yourself.

LeRoy Dissing said...

I wonder how he would have responded if you had told him just what you said in this post, "No quite!" or if he would have gotten it at all.

Katie said...

How insensitive. My mother in law said the same thing about our family's upcoming Easter dinner on Sunday. I wish I would have responded to her the way you said in this post.

Sheila said...

This is so much of a piece with not visiting you in the hospital. I just wish you lots and lots of thick emotional padding when you deal with him.