reflection
No surprise, but I can see myself acting out my, um, issues with my therapist. I tell him that I feel that people, on the whole, can’t be trusted and that pretty much everyone, given sufficient pressure or adequate incentive, will betray their friends and their principles. He tells me a complicated story about his son and a discussion over dinner with a realtor, where the topic of conversation is whether or not parents should be willing to sacrifice themselves for their children.
I see the point he’s trying to make (some people are trustworthy, while others are not), think something along the lines of “well, duh,” and stop listening. But I also see that I’m willing to put up with far too much for the sake of trying to make things work, when it’s clear that they are going exactly nowhere.
10 comments:
Interesting. I have similar, um, issues with trust, but I think I cast them in terms of abandonment rather than betrayal. Perhaps I'll try it your way for a change of perspective. (I know, trading neuroses instead of curing them. But mine get tedious after awhile.)
In the end, I don't think anyone is capable of living up to our expectations, and sometimes that's where trust comes in. Trust that they will fail you at times and other times they will astound you with their compassion. At some point, we need to get to a point where the person we trust is ourselves. To trust that we can handle whatever comes is the hardest trust of all.
Nicole: You make a good point. Sadly, I think my expectations are already so low that it doesn't take all that much to live up to them.
And, Phantom, I'm more than happy to trade. I'll even throw in a few additional distorted perceptions of reality as a special bonus.
I think that your ability to recognize what's happening in your life, and in the microlife that is your relationship with your therapist, is a good thing.
That said, if things are going nowhere with therapy (is that what you meant?), maybe you need another therapist...or maybe you're done.
During a tumultuous time in my life I went to a therapist, and after I divulged all of my problems he pulled a Disney light-up fairy wand from his bottom drawer, tapped me on the head and screamed, "You're cured!" while lights and music emanated from the wand.
Sometimes, the right person can say the right thing and put life into perspective. He saved me with something silly, yet freeing.
All minds have tumult, and your issues just prove you're caring and sensitive. You'll find your way, no doubt.
In another outlook- I always find myself "changing" therapist once they talk about themselves and their families.
My mind says, "This is $100 and I don't give a shit about you... this is about me."
I guess I'm a selfish bastard.
;)
Y'know, I think I'm with peaceful warrior here. Sounds to me like your therapist is awfully chatty.
It should be about YOU.
Only you know if he's the right therapist for you, of course.
I think nicole's point is right on. It all starts and ends with you willing to trust yourself before you can trust others. To do otherwise (trust others and not trust yourself) sets one up for unhealthy dependency and/or depression. Everyone is going to get burned by someone (and maybe a great many) in their life so when that happens, what is a healthy response? Is it healthy to generalize that the entire human race is untrustworthy because of a few people in one's life violated our trust in them? Or is it healthier to discern when a person's trustworthiness based on criteria we develop - most objective and some intuitive?
There are people who will not betray their friends and/or their principles no matter the outcome...when you find that in yourself, you have found your first true friend.
At some point I realized that trust was tied up with judging someone else's limits accurately. Past those limits, none of us is trustworthy. Within them, yes. To be overly simplistic.
So I guess I can say that when I've been burned badly I then spend a long time distrusting myself for judging so poorly.
I was recently disappointed when I went back to the therapist who helped me so much in college. Maybe it's because I'm older, maybe it's because we have that history, maybe it's what's happened in her life since then, but all she wanted to do was chat or "fix" my problems with suggestions -- for specific new careers, specific people she thought I should hang out with. She used to fix me by forcing me to figure out how to fix myself. I miss that.
So why did I almost break down and call her again this week? I still want to trust her to help me. Or maybe I just don't want to start over with someone else.
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