senses and sensibilities
Slouching Mom tagged me for the meme where you're supposed to list ten things about yourself. The ten things on my list are all related, mostly because I'm wondering if other people felt this way or whether it was just me.
I was an exquisitely sensitive child. Physically sensitive, that is. I was far too emotionally sensitive as well, but that's not what I'm focusing on. So many sensations just really, really bothered me. They were the equivalent of, say, nails on a blackboard and I would spend a lot of time and energy trying to avoid them. Here's a partial list of things that I did or made my mother do because the alternative was just. too. awful. to. contemplate:
(1) Walking on my toes because I disliked the feeling of my feet touching the ground;
(2) Forcing my mother to cut the tags out of all my clothes;
(3) Turning my socks inside out because the seam at the toe drove me crazy;
(4) Insisting that all my pants and skirts be at least a size too big because I hated having anything constricting me;
(5) Getting upset if foods touched each other, to the point that my mother had to buy me plates with separate compartments for different foods;
(6) Having overwhelming aversions to certain foods -- it wasn't just that I didn't like to actually eat them. I couldn't stand them. I couldn't stand to look at them. I couldn't stand to have them in the house. I couldn't even stand to hear them mentioned;
(7) Being extremely sensitive to smells and spending a lot of time trying to breathe through my mouth;
(8) Going through phases when I would eat only a very very limited range of foods. Like blueberries, Macintosh apples, and rye bread. Period;
(9) Not liking foods that were "mixed." Peanut butter and jelly? The thought of it made my skin crawl;
(10) Feeling that certain words or songs almost literally hurt my ears.
Looking at this list, it seems that the only sense wasn't problematic was sight. And that was most likely because, from a very early age, I was extremely nearsighted, but refused to wear glasses, so the world was just a pleasant blur.
Tagging Meg at the para graph and Lori at losses and gains.
23 comments:
And are you still so physically sensitive?
This reminds me of my two-year old niece who also walks on her toes and has specific eating habits. It's made me wonderful if there's anything else that she feels, but just can't tell us.
-Suz
Sorry, meant "wonder."
Magpie: Well, my feelings aren't nearly as intense now, but, many of the items on the list still give me at least a twinge of discomfort.
Have you ever thought about looking into sensory integration disorder? (Sorry if this is assvice and you already know all about it!) It's usually called hypersensitivity or sensory defensiveness.
Just a thought.
there's recent research into a hypothesized condition called 'sensory integration dysfunction.'
maybe you had (have?) a mild version of same?
i know a little boy (a friend of ben's) who has many of these same issues. he also has asperger's syndrome, but i have no idea whether the two are related.
i'm guessing that with a psychiatrist mother, you've heard of this before, so i'm probably boring you to tears here.
iselyahna, slouching mom -- It's actually helpful that you're mentioning sensory integration dysfunction. I've heard of it, but when I read the description of some of its characteristics, my reaction is something like: but doesn't everyone feel that way?
I know. I know.
My daughter does every single one of these points related to food, and you know what diagnosis that just got her. She doesn't walk on her toes or wear her socks inside out, but she does complain a LOT about her feet being too cold or her socks being wrinkled.
I have to admit that blueberries, Macintosh apples, and rye bread sound like a very agreeable restricted diet to me.
I wondered if Phantom had commented. I googled this when she said BB had this diagnosis and the thing about seams on socks struck me as weird when it was mentioned in the article because commercial socks are always knit in the round--I was imagining a seam up the back, like a silk stocking. I forgot about the seam at the toe (which you don't have in a hand-knit sock).
If this still bothers you I can make you some without a seam.
These are 10 very interesting things. I like the blurred way of seeing the world too. I'm not nearsighted, but somehow I had the blur thing going anyway!
I will try to also find 10 interesting things about myself, but truly, I'm not that interesting!
My Younger Daughter had a very mild sensory integration issue when she was little. Wrinkled socks, tags in clothes, and any clothes that were constricting or not "soft" were unacceptable.
She seems to have outgrown it all, but it was real torture for her as a little one.
From what I know of SID, the walking on the toes thing is really telling. A lot of kids are picky eaters, but a lot of the other physical sensations you described take it to a whole different level. My nephew is all of these things you described, and it really does limit him at times and prevent him from fully engaging in life.
Is it sad that I am not sure I can think of 10 interesting things about myself?? I guess it will be okay if they are not so interesting.
Well at least you didn't mention liking to rub the edges of a satin blanket like I did as a kid and still like to do sometimes...even to the point of rubbing my fingers on the edges of a book or smooth wood that is unfinished. Something about the touch is soothing.
In your case though, the touch brought about an adverse reaction rather then a soothing one....not to the point of it being phobic but uncomfortable.
Funny how many of our childhood things follow us into adulthood and hopefully subside as we become congnizant of them....but not totally extinguished either.
found your blog via slouching. for fear of repeating the previous comments, i'll only add that i found some solace in your post, it resonates on two levels. i feel my skin crawl as i fight the urge to SCREAM when i hear someone eating corn-on-the-cob, clicking their nails, snoring, tapping teeth.....like you, i've accepted it and for the most part move through it. in fact didn't think much of it until a few years ago.
my 3 1/2 year old son has sensory-integration challenges, been labeled 'on-the-spectrum' and 'apserger-like'(and yes slouching, they often co-exist, though SPD can exist on its own) all my reading and research over the past year and half only leads me to the same place, for many, the line is blurred and nothing is black and white.
diversity reigns.
apologies for the LONG comment!
i look forward to back-reading your posts.
bgirl: I very much appreciate your comment. It's so good to hear of someone with somewhat similar issues. I was beginning to think it was pretty much just me.
Lee: One of the things I didn't mention was finding the touch of certain kinds of fabric -- velvet especially -- almost painful. There were some sensory inputs that I did find very soothing -- like a cotton pillowcase, as long as it wasn't too warm. I would keep flipping my pillow over, so the nice cool side was against my face.
S: Hey, thanks for the offer. I can deal with sock seams these days, though I tend not to wear socks at all.
It occurs to me that my mother was, for the most part, very tolerant of my dislikes and pretty much was willing to accommodate them without trying to change them or making me feel wrong for having them, making them much less of a burden.
I find this post fascinating in light of the wonderful list of sensory experiences you just posted at my place. It seems like today that sensitivity has become a heightened ability to appreciate sharp and intense sensations.
There's another theory about something called "high sensitivity." See www.hsperson.com
It seems you were not so sensitive about temperature, or did you just not mention that? I can't touch anything that's remotely hot; a couple of years of cooking and baking haven't changed this so I don't know if it will cease. Same goes for hot drinks, I always burn my tongue if I'm not patient enough.
Amelie You're right, I wasn't that sensitive about temperature and certainly not heat. I did get that thing where your eye hurts if you eat ice cream, but I kinda liked that.
Were you sensitive to other things besides heat?
You must have been a very gifted child. We look for these signs sometimes. Usually the children who are like this have very active imaginations and love to write stories.
but I don't know if this was you
funny
niobe thanks again for this post...the comments have been so useful for me and the way i think about my little dude. i aspire to offer the same relief to him that your mom did for you.
having strong senses, being tuned-in to our enviroment and those around us, though challenging at times, truly is a gift.
well, I don't like bright light or loud sounds, but neither sensitivity is as strong as with heat. I just wear sunglasses and turn down the volume. Some people in my family are very sensitive to smells, but I'm not one of them.
Just stumbled onto this post. You might want to read Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight: What To Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World. I've only just started it myself but have already had one of those "that's me!" moments.
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