Thursday, March 20, 2008

tales from niobe's cell phone

missed calls: 1
from: private number

voicemail messages: 1

Hey, Brian, it's me. What's up?

Hey, look, uh, JB really liked you and feels very comfortable with you, uh, joining our team. Y'know, with our, uh, payout structure, I think this is going to be a really great opportunity for you. But you know how JB is. He wants to get this thing wrapped up right away, before the weekend. So, give him a call today or, um, tomorrow at the latest. You can go ahead and call on his direct dial. Just call me if you don't have the number. You did -- you did great, buddy!

Anyway, say hi to Karen and the kids for me. And, uh, have a great Easter!

33 comments:

Becky said...

I HAD NO IDEA YOUR REAL NAME WAS BRIAN!

Who knew?

Knock Me Up said...

congratulations! I didn't know you were married to Karen AND you have kids! Is this your secret life?

Patti said...

*laughing at the other comments*

They took the clever comments, so I'll just say:

Oopsie.

Magpie said...

Oops. Guess he's not getting that job.

Years ago, I had a message on our home machine from a funeral home trying to make arrangements to pick up a body in NY and send it back to Split, Bosnia Herzegovina. This was IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WAR. The incredulity of the person leaving the message was priceless. I kept the message for a long time. Alas, it's gone. I think we transcribed it one day, but lord knows where that is.

Yolanda said...

Something about this line makes me think very dirty thoughts:

"feels very comfortable with you, uh, joining our team"

I think it's that "uh" that little hesitation that makes the rest of the sentence sound like a euphemism.

thailandchani said...

... and poor Brian is probably still waiting for that call. :)

Tash said...

Please tell me the current govs of NY and NJ are not named "Brian." Because I have a very funny feeling about this.

Payout structure, indeed.

Jennifer McKinney Photography said...

Oh, that's hysterical. Something like that happened to me once. I got a voicemail from an unlisted number from someone I assumed was a farmer or a rancher trying to get in touch pronto with his ranch-hand about some cattle! He sounded really, really distracted and there were lots of odd noises in the background, which I assumed were the reasons he hadn't realized from my voicemail message that he was NOT, in fact, calling Frankie. I also learned that farmers/ranchers carry and use cell phones. I wouldn't have thunk it.

Maggie said...

Too funny.

Don't people think before they leave messages? Sometimes I wonder. This is also the reason that if there is not a recording greeting of some sort that I can use to assure myself that I have the correct number, I won't leave a message.

allypally said...

Could you call the guy to correct him?

Julia said...

Oh-oh... I guess since JB is how he is, Brian is not so much with getting that job. And the poor hapless misdialer is likely out a reference bonus. A pity, really.

niobe said...

Allypally: Unfortunately, it's a private number.

Tash: Yes, there is something a little....odd about this.

Catherine said...

hehehe...poor Brian.

I used to get phone calls from Tursey Addison's parole officer...she never left a number to call her back...I'm guessing poor Tursey really caught hell when she finally reported in.

Furrow said...

There is a man with my husband's name (different middle initial) who often gets into trouble with the law. We have gotten calls from attorneys and parole officers. The worst was the old grandfather in the VA home who kept calling and begging for a visit. B did call him back to explain that he had the wrong number.

Rachel said...

Oops. Too funny.

CLC said...

Very bizarre. Does your voicemail say "Hi, this is Niobe.." or is it a "you have reached 888-999-4545". The guy is a moron if it's the first...

Kymberli said...

Monday 2pm - Message left for The Caller from Brian:

Hey! man, did I have the weekend from hell. The kids freaked out when that big pink rabbit came hopping towards them with those ridiculous floppy ears. I knew putting them in Tae Kwon Do was a mistake, because they beat the sh*t out of the poor guy in the costume.

Speaking of rabbits, Karen killed another one! Ninja number 8 is on the way, so umm, that payout structure you were talking about will be great, if I get the job, that is.

Anyway, I was just calling to again thank you for the hook-up. Hopefully I'll hear back from JB soon. If you could, can you make sure he has the right cell phone number? I get a lot of wrong number calls from people asking for some chick; I guess we have similar phone numbers or something like that.

m said...

The mind boggles...

Aurelia said...

Oh lord....

Beck said...

Oh, poor Brian. I hope his friend calls again.

My Reality said...

I only get messages on my cell for the guy who had the number before me. He has really bad credit and lots of outstanding bills. The bill collectors still call and I have had the number for more than 4 years.

MCK Mama said...

When I was first married, our phone number was the same that a really big hockey rink in town had previously had. In fact, after getting oodles of calls always asking the same thing: "What time is open skate?", I tracked down the hockey rink, only to find that their current website still had our number on it, listed as theirs. I found their actual number and called and they said they were really sorry that we were getting calls meant for them, but that the "guy who designed their website" didn't work there anymore and no one knew how to alter the number on the site. I sighed, but then just asked them to tell me what their open skate times were. From then on out, I just told people the times when they called!

Pamela Jeanne said...

Do people just not listen anymore? I'm imagining your vmail has some sort of identity? Fascinating. Send my best to Karen and the kids, too.

Angeline said...

*laugh* Hmmm...that's a grave mistake to make!

Ahuva Batya said...

That whole message sounds like code for something completely different.

G said...

I agree with Ahuva. In fact the "uh, joining our team" part really makes me think they want to make a Jack Sandwich out of Brian...

christina(apronstrings) said...

i knew you had a secret life as a man!!!!

Bon said...

i was thinking reservoir dogs the whole time...

Niobe, are you really Harvey Keitel?

Christine said...

wow--i hope brian has heard from this person by now. i'm curious--did you call back>?
Running on empty

Clementine said...

Poor Brian! And the worst part is there's nothing you can do to intervene. Gah!

A few months ago I got a call at 3am on our house phone. I was asleep and answered it immediately, terrified that something bad had happened to someone we love. The call turned out to be a sergeant from the North Attleboro Police Department saying that he had reason to believe that someone at our number had been in contact with some lady I've never heard of. I told him that I'd never heard of the woman, then politely hung up. He called back at 9am to say the same thing, but he never called again after that. Weird. I still wonder if he found the person he wanted.

thirtysomething said...

Very shady indeed.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

The only messages I have received that were meant for another cell phone owner were clearly alcohol-induced. Yours was SO much more interesting!

XOXO

Antigone said...

I think Brian is in sales.