Monday, June 16, 2008

all by myself

Except for those weeks back in April, since January, I've been here and everyone else has been there. Though I can't remember ever spending this much time living by myself, I have to say that I like it. I like it a lot. The house is always clean and always quiet and if, like yesterday, I bake a raspberry crumble, I can leave it to cool on the counter without worrying about someone else taking my share.

I grew up in houses filled with siblings and relatives and friends and it seems like an enormous luxury to walk out the door and not to have to tell anyone where I'm going or when I'm coming back. I go to the grocery store and buy only the things that I want to eat. I wake up early and the only sound is the rain on the garden.

"But don't you get lonely?" someone asked. I smiled and didn't answer. I don't think I've ever been lonely in my entire life. I'm not even sure I'd know what it felt like.

31 comments:

Magpie said...

I hear you. I love being alone. Like today. Bliss.

Patti said...

I know what you mean. Although I don't enjoy being by myself for too long, I must admit to enjoying Mondays: everyone is at school or at work, and the house is my own. I'm going to miss this come summer.

Which Box said...

I am in between. I like my space. I also like to have others around. But others who respect my space (I'm looking at you, my two year old!).

AJW5403 said...

I get this post. I love being by myself. I look forward to the times I do get to be home alone for days at a time. And I too don't know what it feels like to be lonely.

K @ ourboxofrain said...

I too very much like being alone. I tend to feel more lonely when surrounded by people than when actually on my own. I'm not sure I could handle it long-term, but I certainly enjoy being able to function autonomously for many of the same reasons you noted.

slouching mom said...

i'd feel just the same way.

Jana said...

I'm my own best-friend...

christina(apronstrings) said...

i like being by myself a lot. i love it when k goes out of town for a weekend and i turn off the phones. i won't speak to anyone all weekend. in fact, i won't speak at all. silence is amazing. it brings such clarity.

Katie said...

I've been living by myself for the last 6 months. Once I got used to it I've loved it. However in less than a week I'm going back to having housemates, and yes I'll be glad of the company. Both of their benefits ad I can enjoy both!

Tash said...

I once lived by myself when Mr. moved for temp biz-related venture (otherwise have always had roommates or family) and I was surprised at how much I liked it and how easy it was: easy to keep a schedule, make meals, clean -- no failed expectations, no one to blame for anything, it was . . . nice. I was glad it eventually came to an end, though.

Beck said...

And meanwhile, i get lonely if I have to go to the grocery store by myself.... need....constant... attention....

thailandchani said...

It has only been recently that I've not only come to terms with being single.. but actually realize that I prefer it. There are always people around if I want to be with others.. but living alone is about as good as it gets. :)

Amelie said...

I do enjoy it for a while. The quietness. Being able to do whatever I want, no discussions. But I'm also glad that there is someone waiting for me.

cinnamon gurl said...

Hee hee... I asked you that, didn't I? Classic extravert question of an introvert, I imagine, and classic response from an introvert to an extravert...

Caro said...

I like it too, it's nice being alone during the day although I'm not completely alone now.

Betty M said...

Even though I have a house full of people and a busy office sometimes I feel very lonely. Maybe I just don't spend enough time just being me by myself.

Angela said...

Whoa. I didn't know people like that existed. You are very lucky, indeed.

Christine said...

i'm kind like beck--need lots of attention and people. but oh what i wouldn't do for a raspberry crumble all to myself!

My Reality said...

I lived on my own for 5 years and loved it. I still miss it sometimes.

Kami said...

I remember how precious a few hours alone were as I was growing up with my mom and three sisters. Currently, I get too much time alone. With a little luck, in less than 2 weeks I won't have enough "Kami time" again. Nope, I'm never happy.

Melissia said...

In the last years of my mom's life she lived alone for years at a time, loved it, craved it the entire time she had kids, but seems to come alive in the presence of people. It is only as I have gotten older do I understand how tiring she felt it was to be around people all day, and how lovely it is to be in your house alone. I still love people, but only when I want them.

Eva said...

I haven't really been alone in years, but I don't mind. The fake aloneness of being awake when everyone else is asleep or gone is okay with me for now.

thirtysomething said...

A dream. Sounds lovely.

Mad said...

I am so with you on this. I love being alone. I love living alone.

susan said...

I am so not you: I hate being alone in the house. I'm not lonely, exactly, but I'm much happier puttering with my own stuff and activities if I know there's someone else in the house somewhere.

painted maypole said...

being good company to yourself is a lovely gift.

i am finding that I enjoy solitude more and more, yet I am still and extrovert, and i do get lonely sometimes

charmedgirl said...

i ask myself all the time why i'm not single.

and i hope that's you in the photo; i always imagine you all victorian and such, but damn, that's a hot bag!

niobe said...

Charmed girl: That is so not me. Just some random passer-by. With a hot bag.

Anonymous said...

after spending almost everyday together for 56 years,my grandfather died,and left behind my grandmother...she finds the silence deafening.If only she had lived alone before,perhaps she would not be so totally and utterly miserable.

Antigone said...

I wonder if I enjoy being alone because of the company I keep when I'm not.

Julia said...

I need my alone time. I crave my alone time. I need some of it every day, which is why I end up going to bed so late most nights. I also very much enjoy longer stretches of alone time, like, say, when Monkey and JD were off to the Old City last month.
I make a distinction between missing someone and being lonely. I can miss my family and not be lonely at all at the same time.