Tuesday, November 25, 2008

what i think about when i think about love

If everything works out, it occurs to me that a nice thing to do would to be give Kyrie some kind of gift. I was thinking of maybe a necklace with a birthstone (a little complicated to get beforehand because I can't be sure if I'll need December or January).

Good idea? Bad idea? Where could I get one? I'd very much welcome any comments or other suggestions.

And because, really, this post would hardly qualify as niobe-esque without at least a dollop of bitterness, here are some fragments from one of the poems that echoes through my head at the most inopportune moments, courtesy of Robert Bridges,* whose "writing suffered the singular and ironic misfortune of winning broad public favor at the expense of understanding."


Why hast thou nothing in thy face?
Thou idol of the human race,
Thou tyrant of the human heart,

Surely thy body is thy mind,
For in thy face is nought to find,
Only thy soft unchristen’d smile,
That shadows neither love nor guile,
But shameless will and power immense,
In secret sensuous innocence.

Ah yet no victim of thy grace,
None who e’er long’d for thy embrace,
Hath cared to look upon thy face.

*Who also wrote the extraordinary poem On a Dead Child, most of which is a bit too sentimental for my taste, but, oh, those last couple of lines.


thordora said...

Is she into tattoos? Offering something like that as a memento might be nice...if she's into that. But a nice birthstore, a simple setting...that's a really sweet thought.

Antigone said...

What I think of when I think of:

I can't think of anything sufficient for Kyrie. Nothing seems adequate.

Tash said...

I'm rather at a loss for thinking how one commemorates a live child. I did know a woman who named her son after her RE, but I understand that's not really appropriate in this case.

Will continue to ponder. And damn, On A Dead Child may be heavy on the syrup, but the last line is a killer, isn't it.

Aunt Becky said...

What a lovely idea, niobe. I wouldn't have the foggiest idea what to give her, but it's a lovely sentiment.

The Nanny said...

I think a necklace sounds very nice. With a letter too, perhaps? There's no real way to express this much gratitude in a physical form, you know? But if you want to go with the necklace theme, I love this lady's designs (and she can custom-make orders too):


Sober Briquette said...

Would it be safe to assume the child will be born in Capricorn? Even if you give no credence to astrology, it can be fun and is rife with symbolism.

flutter said...

My birthdaughter's mother and father gave me a garnet necklace, since garnet is the gemstone symbolic of the heart.

Aurelia said...

Hmm, yes, I mean you aren't stuck with a birthstone only. You could likely pick any gem that might mean something, or maybe a design that is symbolic or her son and life partner?

Like a pendant with three gold rings intertwined? Two the same size, and one little one?

Or if you want it in reference to the baby to be, maybe a charm or locket for a bracelet?

Waiting Amy said...

A gift is a lovely idea. I found this artisan on Etsy and I'm planning on custom ordering a necklace. She has some lovely things, you might find something to fit your goals:

christina(apronstrings) said...

i second looking on etsy. i love that site.

Magpie said...

I think a necklace sounds lovely and perfect. And I too would look on Etsy for something just a bit different.

Sarah said...

In one of your earlier posts you were asking about names for your son, and I very nearly then suggested a male version of Kyrie for his middle name. I understand that may be a bit gauche, and there are reasons for deciding against it. So...for what it's worth, I think there is something very beautiful about rough-cut stones. But that is a sensibility issue, and it might not fit Kyrie.
SO, this is one is a bit syrupy all on its own, and I am sheepish in suggesting it, but if jewelry doesn't seem like Kyrie's thing, then you could name a star with her name and your son's name. Now I must post before I cringe any more in shame...

Caro said...

What a lovely idea.

Clementine said...

I think it's a lovely idea. If Kyrie falls on the butchier spectrum in terms of jewelry (or heck, even if she doesn't), I've had lots of luck at Jade Moran's shop. She does some beautiful chunk necklaces with birthstones, but she also has more delicate designs. She's at www.jademoran.com. Best of luck!

niobe said...

Sarah: Funny you should mention that.

I've actually been considering using Kyrie's last name as the baby's middle name. It's a simple, one-syllable name that could easily be a first name (think something like West or Reid). I have only three reservations:

(1) For a middle name, we'd planned to use a family surname from our biological family. Our older son (gosh, that sounds funny to write) has his great-great grandmother's maiden name as a middle name. He's always been very proud of his connection with our family history. Would the baby feel subtly slighted? Would it overly emphasize his "different" origins?

(2) The more I think about it, the more I've decided I really, really want to try for another child. What if the hypothetical child's hypothetical surrogate has some unwieldy or difficult to pronounce or just plain hideous sounding surname that I really wouldn't want as a middle name?

(3) Would Kyrie object? It would be hard to say "no, actually, I don't want the baby named after me -- not even a middle name." But she doesn't seem all that interested in an ongoing relationship with the baby and giving it her name might seem like we're forcing some kind of tie on her.

(I may repost this at some point as a real post -- because I'd really like to get people's thoughts)

Emily said...

I was going to suggest Lisa Leonard's designs as well because she does beautiful work and does custom designs as well but someone beat me to it.

Picara said...

Our surrogate has joked in the past that she wants a tummy tuck after she's all done with kids. Since the surropregnancy would probably be her last pregnancy, we thought we'd offer a tummy tuck as a gift for her.

Not really what you're going for, but an idea nonetheless.

niobe said...

Picara: What a very cool idea. But the last thing Kyrie (5'7" and (when not pregnant) about 125 lean muscular pounds) needs is a tummy tuck.

Picara said...

Ah, I can only dream of 125 lbs of muscle. Well, actually, I probably have that, just wrapped in 50 lbs of fat.

calliope said...

As a proud Capricorn gal I can say that turquoise is a fabulous stone to wear.

Kymberli said...

A tummy tuck would be a hell of a gift for a surrogate who wanted one! I think that's sweet of you, Picara!

The morning that Sam was born, Stephanie and Terry gave me a diamond journey pendant.

I've seen surrogates receive various types of birthstone jewelry, gift certificates for bed & breakfasts, small family vacations.

three minute palaver said...

If I were in your shoes and about to buy Kyrie a gift, and she had a garden, I would get her a tree of substantial size (at least about 6ft tall) and probably something bountiful like an Almond Tree, an Olive Tree or a Cherry Tree. Or if not a fruiting tree, then maybe a very beautiful Ginko tree. If she doesn't have a garden, what about a gorgeous very established and highly spectacular Bonsai in a gorgeous dish. A gift that's real, substantial and alive feels fitting to me.

Charlotte's Mama said...

It almost makes me want to cry thinking about what you could get as a gift.
The gift she is giving you... I truly am weeping, I just can't even think of it.
But I would want to give a gift, yes. Yes, yes.