Monday, April 13, 2009

divided by two

We usually spend Easter with my stepbrother’s family, all of us around the big kitchen table, eating chocolate and jellybeans, talking about report cards and real estate. Not this year, though. And maybe never again. There were a whole series of vague and contradictory excuses, but finally, we've been told that after fifteen years and three kids, my stepbrother and his wife have decided to split up.

Now, sometimes divorce is inevitable and sometimes it’s the only possible solution and once in a while it’s the best thing for everyone involved. But often -- especially to those on the outside -- by which I mean everyone except the couple themselves -- it just seems enormously sad.

To be fair, I have no idea what issues they're facing or what solutions they've tried. And, to be honest, I don't really want to know. But I keep on thinking about that late August day so many years ago, when they stood on a hill by the sea, side by side, hand in hand, both tall, both happy. Her dress was white and her bouquet was blue, bluer than the sunlight-fractured waves that ridged the bay, bluer than the sky. They were so much in love that it hurt to look at them.

25 comments:

G$ said...

I have some friends that are divorcing and I feel the same way. Incredibly sad.

I don't pretend to know what happened in their marriage, I also do not want to know. I am just sad for them, for the love they once had fading away.

Lori said...

It is very sad.

I wish I had something helpful to say, but I am at a loss.

niobe said...

Lori: I know there's nothing helpful anyone can say. Like I said, I don't know the details, but these are two people who have always seemed to adore one another. It's just so hard for me to believe that there's no way of working things out. Or that, in the end, either of them or the kids, will be that much happier apart than together.

Kristin said...

It is so sad. I recently found out two dear friends who made it through losing a child 14 years ago recently split up. I am so very sad for them.

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry. Divorce is such a loss for so many people. It's astounding how the end of a relationship changes things.

Trish said...

I'm so sad to hear this news. I hope that they all, especially the kids, find peace and happiness with this decision.

beagle said...

very sad.

Rebecca said...

That's sad :(

You were on Cake Wrecks! I saw the picture and was like, hang on... OH IT'S NIOBE! Cool :)

Lisa b said...

how incredibly sad

Maggie said...

How sad for everyone - including everyone in the family that is going to miss spending holidays together...

Quadelle said...

Oh, how sad. Divorces change everything. I feel for you all.

k@lakly said...

There is something so achingly sad about watching two people walk away from something that to all on the outside seemes so beautiful and filled with promise. It is death in another color.
I hurt for the 3 kids, so much.

painted maypole said...

oh. i'm sorry. it's hard for everyone who loves them...

thirtysomething said...

So sad to see something end. But, sometimes, and end can be a beginning.

Magpie said...

Love, marriage, divorce - it's all such a mystery.

Your image in words of the wedding couple on the hill is extraordinarily beautiful.

Furrow said...

It always throws me off balance when I don't see it coming. Makes me worry that I won't see it happening to me, either.

And then there's loss you feel at not having this (seemingly) loving unit in your life anymore. Sucks.

Amelie said...

That's sad, especially for the kids, I think.
And scary -- if you have just chosen your own bouquet.

Caro said...

So sad

christina(apronstrings) said...

Divorce is always so sad. I would say for the kids-but divorce is a heck of a lot better than living with two adults who hate being together.
Believe me. I *know.*

__
There was a good article I read recently about how kids of divorce actually grow up to have better marriages. So, while it is incredibly hard for them (though, honestly, it wasn't for my brother and I) not all is lost.

jo(e) said...

Oh, it's sad and difficult for everyone.

wheelsonthebus said...

I've been thinking a lot about divorce lately. Not because we are going to, but because I can imagine how awful it would be at this point. I am sorry that your stepbrother is going through this.

Angela said...

This...was so depressing. Especially with the last paragraph. Your writing is fantastic.

I'm sorry about your stepbrother and his wife.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry Niobe. Sometimes a loss by choice is the hardest of all.
allypally

Christine said...

we know someone who recently got divorced and it was SHOCKING. they were the "perfect" couple.

or not.

Tash said...

I'm so sorry to hear this.

We went through a period about 7 years ago where about 5 couples we knew got divorced within the year. It was HORRIBLE. We felt like a curse, or something. Some weren't incredibly surprising, but others knocked us over. Then last year neighbors announced they were getting divorced and we hardly knew them and I felt like someone had punched me. I just couldn't believe it. Now that I've come to know them a bit better, and the situation from both sides, I guess I'm not nearly as surprised as I was.

Not that it makes me feel better about any of it, though.