Tuesday, January 5, 2010

join the counter-resolution!

So, it's been 2010 for five whole days. And when you're not thinking about how twenty-ten sounds all cool and futuristic, you're probably feeling guilty and anxious about those pesky New Year's resolutions you've made and, most likely, already broken.

But all is not lost. If you're tired of resolutions that you just can't manage to keep, there's still time to make a fresh start with counter-resolutions, a brand-new and exciting concept developed by yours truly.

Problem: New Year's resolutions

Solution: Niobe's Counter-Resolutions®

Those bad habits? Well, they're called habits for a reason. Instead of trying to fight them, embrace them. In other words, promise yourself you're going to do something that you're likely to do anyway. Here's how it works:

  • Old-fashioned resolution: Work out three times a week.

  • New and Improved Counter-Resolution®: Join a pricy gym in January. Buy lots of expensive work out outfits. Twist your ankle during your first spinning class. Decide to skip classes for the month of February so your ankle can heal. You'll start again in March April after Memorial Day. In October, call your credit card company to ask what the heck is this $89 charge that keeps showing up every month.

  • Old-fashioned resolution: Carpe diem (literally "seize the day"). Live mindfully. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Count your many blessings.

  • New and Improved Counter-Resolution®: Carp diem (literally "whine all day") Complain. Vent. Work on making that all-compassing list of the faults and irksome behaviors of your partner/relatives/friends

Basically, it's win/win. You'll feel good about making a counter-resolution that you can actually follow through on. And on the off chance you don't keep your counter-resolution, well, you can feel good about that too.

So, post your counter-resolutions here, anonymously, if you'd like. And, unless I forget, we can check once in a while to see how they're working out for you.


thordora said...

Dammit I love you woman. :D

Anonymous said...

Return all my library books late. Rack up enormous fines.

Anonymous said...

I will read fewer books and will waste more time watching trashy television programmes.

Joy said...

Eat more chocolate. Duh.

Magpie said...

Start a diet tomorrow. And put it off until tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

And wear blue jeans every day.

areyoukiddingme said...

Hmm...which one to choose?

Resolution: Eat better
Counter-resolution: Eat chocolate daily - might have to up that one to twice daily...

Like the carp diem, but seems like it would require a lot of energy...

Resolution: Be a kinder spouse
Counter-resolution: Refrain from killing husband (who has already adopted the carp diem resolution) - quite likely to attain, since he is nowhere near where I can actually touch him, but do not discount the power of the mind...

Resolution: Spend less time on the internet and more time working at work.
Counter-resolution: Show up most days.

dj said...

Oh, holy Niobe! I love thee!

Tash said...

People still make old-timey resolutions?

Counter resolutions:
-Completely alienate my in-laws
-embrace the "jungle/naturalist/we-don't-hurt-our plants!" look in the side yard
-Eat something junky/carby/chocolately at least once a day
-read more crappy mysteries
-take pictures of shoe pile (read: closet/storage) and term it art

I love these. I'll probably be back with more.

de said...

Resolution: read financial statements, budget money.

Counter-resolution®: toss statements unopened in file drawer, select "no receipt" at ATM.

Anonymous said...

resolution: Lose 10 pounds.

counter-resolution: Lose 10 pounds. Then gain back 12.

Kristin said...

Resolution: don't lose or be late turning in any library books

Counter-resolution: fuck deadlines...they'll get the books whenever I feel like it

Lavender Luz said...

You made me snort coffee with the carp diem line.


leanne said...

This is way better and more fun than giving up on making resolutions in the first place (though I must have been feeling optimistic this morning because I dug out some shorts and a t-shirt so that I can get on the elliptical when I get home -- they are waiting to taunt me if I try to ignore them).

Anonymous said...

Resolution: Have lots of great sex!

Counterresolution: Eat lots of green M&Ms!!!

antropologa said...

Fail to learn the foreign language that is native to my new country. Get pissy when people don't speak English.

Sarah said...

Drink champagne and eat dark chocolate every day for one week.

I don't know if that is counter or not, but it's the only thing on my list for 2010 so far...

manapan said...

Ooh, I like it!

Resolution: Learn (more) Japanese.

Counter-Resolution®: Remain functionally illiterate in Japanese, with maybe a slightly better vocabulary than I had before. But probably not.

Anonymous said...

Resolution: Read all the classics that have been lingering on my shelf gathering dust, waiting to be crossed off my List of Shame.

Counter-resolution: Rip the covers off my romance novels and read them wherever and whenever I damn well please.

Angela said...

I celebration of the counter-resolution movement, I ate some Ben & Jerry's ice cream last night and it was very good. I didn't feel an ounce of guilt over it!

beagle said...

Now here's a New Year's post I can relate to!

jill said...

Haha this is too funny! My counter-resolution is to sit on the couch and think about exercising and walking my dog, while eating a large dinner/dessert/bagofchips. At least three times a week.

Hmm yeah, I have a good feeling about this! ;)

jussieu said...

Resolution: Expand my knowledge of the language of the country in which I will have spent a third of the past year living.

Counter-resolution: Scrap it all except perfecting a few key phrases such as "I am trying my damndest here; do you have to be so fu*king snotty about my efforts, @sshole?"

Resolution: Lose forty pounds.

Counter-resolution: Laduree, here I come!


Anonymous said...

Resolution: enrich my children's lives through exposure to other cultures via travel, cuisine, and literature.

Counter-resolution - keep children alive. Make it to the park maybe once a month. Have travel channel on, esp. Bizarre Foods. Read Moo Baa La La La! for the 97 millionth time.

Amelie said...

I love you, Niobe.

Resolution: exercise more.
Counter-Resolution(R): cancel the gym contract, I never go anyway. [and hey, now I save money!]

Resolution: blog more.
Counter-Resolution(R): keep it at a handful of posts (actually, photos) per month. I'm busy not exercising the rest of the time.

Alexicographer said...

Oh god, this is brilliant. It's hard to beat Carp Diem, but per Areyoukiddingme, a lot of work, plus, ditto on my DH already having that one covered. So ...

Resolution: spend less time obsessively and pointlessly checking for updates on myriad internet sites that I frequent (blogs, message boards, bargain sites, you name it...).

Counter-resolution: abandon all impression of having an IRL at all and simply consume the 'net 24/7.

Furrow said...

Resolution: Be a kinder, gentler person.

Counter: Let all of my houseplants die; make too many jokes about our dog dying an early death; point out other people's flaws w/o them asking. (Done, Done, and Done).

Bon said...

carp diem worked extraordinarily well for me yesterday. thank you for helping make 2010 the year i...stay exactly the same flawed person i've grown to know and tolerate. :)

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