Friday, January 8, 2010

twice told

twice tolled
This morning, it was snowing. Cole, sitting on the kitchen floor, dropped the plastic cups he was banging together and pushed himself to his feet to run after the cat. He screamed when the cat, tail twitching, vanished with a well-practiced leap over the safety gate. He screamed again when I put him in his high chair and screamed even louder when I put on his bib and tried to wipe his nose. Then he said "guh-GAH" and started making small munching noises as he picked up and carefully examined his breakfast -- a waffle, torn into pieces, and the remains of last night's roasted garlic potatoes.

A year ago, it was snowing. I was in the hospital with Kyrie, both of us trying to explain the concept of surrogacy to a series of sceptical nurses, who, despite the order signed by the court and a phone call to the legal department, couldn't make up their minds who should get the plastic bracelet that said "baby boy." On a table in the corner of the room, Cole was being cleaned up and weighed. I kept waiting for someone to say "I'm sorry," but instead, they put him my arms. I looked at him, then at Kyrie. I knew I was supposed to say something, but I couldn't string the words together.

Happy first birthday, Cole. And, Kyrie, though you're probably not reading this, I want to tell you that today I'm thinking of you with love and a heart-stopping gratitude for, well, everything. Just like I do every day.

66 comments:

rachel said...

Happy first birthday to your sweet baby boy.

Which Box said...

happy birthday sweet boy.

Lavender Luz said...

What a memory!

Celebrating with you and Cole today, and thinking of Kyrie, too.

areyoukiddingme said...

Happy Birthday, Cole!

(That must have been quite the confusing scene in the hospital - I wonder if they have policies written for such situations. If that hospital didn't before, they surely do now!)

Chris said...

Happy Birthday, Cole!

I am very happy for you, Niobe. And what a beautiful picture!

loribeth said...

A year already?? Happy birthday, Cole!

Tash said...

Awww, Happy Birthday Cole!

And now I'm going to jones for Waffles and Mashed Potatoes on *my* birthday, thank you very much.

SouthernGal said...

Happy birthday to your wonderful son! And, as a proud aunt of four adopted nieces and nephews, I share the sentiments you express to Kyrie. And my birthday is in three weeks - please send a care package of waffles and potatoes!! :)

Kathy McC said...

Happy Birthday, little buddy!

sharah said...

Happy Birthday Baby!

Magpie said...

A happy birthday to Cole, and warm thoughts to your Kyrie.

leanne said...

Touching post -- and I do love the way you write.

This morning I was thinking about Kyrie. And then I remembered the necklaces you had mentioned once upon a time (one for her and one for you?). And I pictured you both wearing them and remembering a year ago.

Happy Birthday, Cole!

Rory said...

Happy birthday Cole!

Sunny said...

What a beautifu memory. Happy birthday Cole, and many more.

c. said...

Happy Birthday to you, Cole.

Heather said...

What a sweet memory. Happy first Birthday, Cole, and thoughts of gratitude to Kyrie and women like her.

Trish said...

How this year seems to have flown by! Happy birthday to Cole. I can't believe he is already running after the cat. Last time I saw him, he was just starting to stand and take a step holding on to something! I guess people tend to stay forever the same age in my mind, unless I see them often.

after iris said...

OK, I sneakily read this in the shop while I was "sorting the invoices" aka playing on the internet. Now I'm crying over a kilo of Comte in the back room!

Happy Birthday Cole. This post makes me so glad Niobe.

x

G$ said...

Happy Birthday little guy!

jill said...

Happy Birthday Cole!

Photogrl said...

Happy first birthday, Cole!

My Reality said...

Happy Birthday, Cole!

Amelie said...

Happy Birthday, Cole! Can't believe you're already a year old.
Thanks for sharing this, Niobe.

angie said...

Happy birthday, Cole! I first began reading your blog when Cole was born. I think it might have been my first post, even. xo

Jayme said...

Wow, a year already! Happy Birthday!

thordora said...

Happy Birthday.

Anonymous said...

Happy happy birthday baby boy!

-e

k@lakly said...

Happy Birthday Cole! Waffles and potatoes sound perfect for a birthday feast...even if your mom did leave out the monkfish:)
Many, many more...
xxoo

The Nanny said...

Oh wow, I can't believe it's been a YEAR. Happy birthday to Cole, and many more to him.

missedconceptions said...

A very happy birthday, indeed!

Caro said...

Happy Birthday Cole

Angela said...

Happy Birthday!

Betty M said...

Happy Birthday! The year has just flown by.

Virginia said...

Happy birthday, little walking man.

Lindsay said...

Happy Birthday little one..
May this day bring you lots of happiness Niobe..xo

Kami said...

I can't believe you had to explain surrogacy to the nurses! I guess I live in a different world.

Happy B-day Cole!

Kristin said...

Happy Happy Birthday Cole!

Patti said...

Happiest of birthdays, Cole.

And thanks to Kyrie.

Aunt Becky said...

Happy, happy, happy Birthday, sweet baby Cole. You are loved.

Shelley said...

I have lurked here since long before Cole was born and must tell you how much I enjoy your writing. This post, as so many others, has brought me to tears. Happy Birthday to both of you.

three minute palaver said...

Happy first birthday little man. xC

Hope's Mama said...

goodness me time does fly when you're having fun! happy first birthday to the little guy.
big hugs all round.
xo

Paz said...

Another first, with many more to come... happy 1st birthday.

calliope said...

Wow. A year!
HAPPY first BIRTHDAY!!! To all of you.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

Mine now has a vocabulary of 6 words - 3 of which refer to his dog and cat. I get 1 word. The dog gets 2. *sigh*

-Shamela

Yolanda said...

Happy birthday, Cole!

Julia said...

A very happy (and now belated) birthday to Cole!
I was thinking about all of you today...

painted maypole said...

what a wonderful birthday/anniversary.

btw... thanks for the new years greeting.

dj said...

All day yesterday I thoght about you, Cole, Gray...
Happy birthday!

Sue said...

Belated happy birthday wishes to your sweet baby boy!

Bon said...

happy belated birthday to Cole. i still think it's extra cool that he shares his birthday with David Bowie. :)

through your journeys with Kyrie and Trish i've learned a great deal about love and kindness and surrogacy. i'm glad, so glad.

wheelsonthebus said...

Happy birthday to your sweet boy.

Azaera said...

Happy birthday Cole! That went by so fast it seems..

kate said...

Happy Birthday Cole!

Christine said...

happy birthday!!!! any cute little pictures of a cake smeared face?

Meim said...

Happy Birthday, Cole. May you make the biggest mess ever with your first-ever birthday cake! Bon Appetit

moplans said...

Happy Birthday Cole!

passingwindows said...

Happy birthday to Cole for Friday. I'm so glad for you that he is there in the kitchen with you, yelling his head off.

Clementine said...

Happy first birthday to your precious son Cole!

Angela said...

Wow. I can't believe it's been a year already. Happy birthday, Cole!

Artblog said...

Awww, its totally wonderful surrogacy, just an amazing feat.

Happy Birthday Cole :)

CLC said...

Happy Belated Birthday Cole!

Ya Chun said...

One year! Happy Birthday!

red pen mama said...

Happy Birthday to Cole. What an amazing journey.

Bluebird said...

What a surreal experience that must have been. Happy belated birthday to your sweet boy, what a blessing he is.

You know, I remember when I first happened upon your blog. Cole was just about to be born. . . my how time flies :

Rebeccah said...

Long-time lurker (and huge fan) popping out to say Happy First Year! It's so amazing, isn't it? : )