Monday, January 18, 2010

parallel lines

When I started this blog, almost exactly three years ago, I'm not really sure what I was thinking. I was a few months out from the loss, able to go hours at a time without crying, even capable of a certain amount of ironic distance.

But, whatever I was looking for, what I've found over the last three years are many, many people who've given me love and support and hope. And I can't begin to express how grateful I am to all of you.

Still, until a couple of days ago, I'd never found someone who was, right now, right this very minute, almost exactly where I was three years and a few months ago.

I'd occasionally read Eve at Infertility Rocks, but it was one of those happily-pregnant-with-boy-girl-twins blogs that I could only manage in very small doses, with squinting eyes and clenched teeth. That all changed a week ago when, at her routine 24-week ultrasound, Eve learned that, while her little girl is doing well, her little boy is gone.

And, for once, I imagine I know pretty much exactly what she's feeling. I didn't write about it when it was happening to me. I wasn't blogging yet and I'm not sure I could have said anything that made any sense. But, reading Eve's beautifully crafted words, I remember crying for my little boy. I remember hoping with all my heart that my little girl would make it. And I remember that she almost did.

Please stop by Eve's place and give her all the love and light you can spare.