the last good time

JuliaKB said in one of her comments: I actually remember the day before very well. It was a good day.....

Which made me try to remember if there had been a time during the pregnancy when I had been truly happy. Not brave. Not pretending. But just honestly happy. And now that I think about it, there was one -- well, not day -- but moment when the future stretched out in front of me, bright as a river in the sun.

As I've said before, it had been a tense pregnancy, and I was afraid long before I had any reason to be. I told myself that, after the 18-week ultrasound, I would stop worrying. But the night before, I sat up suddenly in bed and said, in a tone of utter conviction, "I have preeclampsia and I'm going to die."

The ultrasound procedure was reassuringly normal. I pulled up my shirt, had my stomach coated with gel, and closed my eyes as the technician slid the scanner back and forth. She asked if I wanted to know the genders, and when I said yes, told me that twin A was a boy and twin B was a girl. Then she said she was going to get the doctor, "just to do a few more measurements." And before the doctor arrived, during those few minutes that I lay there, half-undressed and staring at the ceiling, I was, for once, completely, absolutely happy.