happy endings

Look, I know that for a lot of you the only happy ending is that we'll be bidding farewell to 2009 in the very near future. It's been a hard year for far too many people, a year when bad things happened and good things, hoped-for, dreamed-of, good things, well, didn't happen.

If you fall into that category and don't want to hear about other people's good news, well, I don't blame you one bit. There are a reasonably large number of years (2000, 2001 and 2002 spring immediately to mind) that I'd like to erase from the calendar. But in that case, you might want to skip the rest of this post which contains a cloying surfeit of happy, sparkly thoughts. I know. I know.

The first very, very good thing is that Sunflower, Ezra's little brother, has arrived safely.

Which got me thinking that I'd like to make a list of the babies that we (and that's the collective we) welcomed in 2009.

So if you, or someone you know, has a new(ish) 2009 baby, could you please send me an email (like.niobe.all.tears AT gmail DOT com) or add a comment including the baby's name or pseudonym and date, the parent/blogger's name or pseudonym and (if applicable) a link to the blog.

Once I've collected a bunch, I'll add a list to this post.

eta:

2009 babies

January 1: perseus (antigone)
January 5: archie (gretchen)
January 8: cøle (niobe)
January 10: lyra phoenix (janis)
January 14: jag (doc grumbles)
January 18: simone adelle (melody)
January 28: amelia grace (aunt becky)
February 5: daniel (other shoe joy)
March 2: genevieve, (becky)
March 20: denis (clc)
April 6: ww (calliope)
April 10: alexis (amy)
April 14: sophie (jess)
April 19: evelyn (jen)
May 13: archer gene (alicia)
May 23: faith addyson (jus and kat)
May 30: finnegan (debbie)
May 31: baby j (luna)
June 15: ryan and dylan (jayme)
June 24: a2 (white picket fences)
June 25: ct (searching for serenity)
June 26: bennett (m)
June 27: moe (after iris)
July 2: junior (thalia)
July 9: the little acorn (rachel)
July 23: brystol rebecca (amanda)
July 25: K (melka)
August 11: magdalene (danyelle)
August 18: henry (rachel)
August 27: petite (gil)
September 17: matthew, brady, aubrey and cameron (kari)
September 21: chou-chou (artblog)
September 24: skeeter (jamie d)
October 3: zoe and sadie (debbie)
October 3: burrito and tamale (babysmiling)
October 14: bean (the steadfast warrior)
October 16: adam (heather)
October 29: mini (sharah)
October 17: angus leo (hope's mama)
November 7: annika (christina)
November 17: charlotte (jane)
November 29: s (dora)
December 9: jumping bean (nina)
December 16: ocea (carly)
December 23: sister (rachel)
December 27: k (my reality)
December 30: micah amir(ezra's mommy)
December 31: eliza (emily)

Please let me know about any that I'm missing

the year that was

Over at flickr, people are posting and discussing their worst photos of 2009. Which made me think that, while I take a lot of fairly lame photos, the vast majority of them never actually make it out of the camera. However, the evidence is pretty irrefutable that I did take the time and trouble to upload the one posted above. And all I can say is: WTF was I thinking?

I'm sure I had some totally awesome concept in mind when I took the picture. See, like, it was raining! And the raindrops were, like, falling! On the porch! And there was light! That was reflecting! On the raindrops!

Um, yeah. Whatever.

Anyway, moving right along, we now come to the interactive part of the post. What's your worst photo or post from the past year? The one that makes you cringe when you think about it? The one that you really, really want to forget? But, before you consign it to the memory hole, how about telling us all about it (with, possibly, a link)? You know you want to.

newest arrival

My Reality (who's been tweeting her labor and delivery) says: She's here. She's safe. She's perfect.

If you can, please stop by her blog or her twitter stream and welcome her long-awaited daughter.

merry christmas

antisocial tendencies

This is absolutely, positively not a confession thread. In fact, I'm thinking of swearing off confession threads pretty much permanently.

Nonetheless, I'll confess this. I often have(no surprise) an inordinate craving for alone time, especially because I don't get all that much of it. So, having the house to myself for the past two days while the other members of the household sojourned in various and sundry faraway cities?

Best. Xmas. Present. Ever.

in the news

I was fascinated to read (h/t surromoms online) about a recently-published Dutch study discussing a new test that reveals the gender of a developing fetus as early as 5 weeks' gestation and requires only a blood sample from the mother* (and, if possible the father).

Obviously, such a non-invasive test has some medical value, for example, allowing prenatal treatment of certain rare sex-linked diseases. But, by letting people know gender very early in pregnancy, it might also encourage people to terminate if they didn't get the gender they preferred.

What's your view? Do you think such a test is a good idea? Would you ask for it if you were pregnant?


*Or, I suppose (not that I really understand this stuff), more accurately, from the woman carrying the baby, since the initial screening is for Y-chromosome-associated pieces of DNA and doesn't really depend on whether the carrier is also the genetic mother. However, if the Y-chromosome markers are absent, it sounds like you need the genetic parents' DNA, because the researchers check for genetic alterations unique to the father (no Y-chromosome marker + unique paternal polymorphism = female). Also, (based, again on my limited understanding) it sounds like the blood test may not work for multiples.

the year's midnight

The sun rose at 7:10 this morning and, barring some catastrophe of truly apocalyptic dimensions, will set at around 4:15 this afternoon. It's midwinter, though, technically, winter has just begun. It's the shortest day of our year and, here in the city, cold and covered with snow.

I think it's also my favorite day. Because, pessimistic as I am, I feel reasonably confident that right now it's as dark as it's going to get. And, from now until some faraway time in the middle of June, every day will be a little longer than the one before.

And the picture? It's St. Lucy, whose feast day (at least until they got rid of the Julian calendar) used to be the shortest day of the year. To learn practically everything about St. Lucy (including the St. Lucy song that I made up all by myself!) take a look at this post from a couple of Decembers ago.

measure for measure

You all really are kind of amazing. Thank you so, so much for suggesting a, well, veritable cornucopia of gorgeous names. I love them. In fact, I love them so much, that I’m beginning to wish that I was negotiating this name thing with one of since you seem to have such exquisite taste (or, which is almost the same thing, have managed to totally peg my taste).

What can I offer in return? Um, well I know that a few of you were noting that the recipes I linked to a couple of posts back used the inscrutable US measuring system. So, I give you a calculator conversion thingy that will help you figure out equivalents in grams. You can also try their beta version, which is a bit more complex.

Important tip: if you’re not using the beta calculator, be sure to scroll down and use the measurement for the particular ingredient you’re considering. Because (and this is probably obvious, but was news to me) a cup/tablespoon/teaspoon of, say, peanut butter most assuredly does not weigh the same as a cup/tablespoon/teaspoon of, say, baking powder.

And, at no extra cost, I’ll throw in a converter that deals solely how to generate measurements in grams for (you guessed it) tasty, tasty BUTTER!!!

Finally, because you’ve all been so incredibly generous in helping me out with my naming dilemma, once the, um, baby’s here (being recklessly optimistic about the whole thing), I’d be more than happy to share the name we end up choosing with anyone who actually wants to know. Details to (eventually) follow.

And, if there's anything else I can do to thank you, just, y'know, ask.

one more time

Unsurprisingly, despite many long discussions (most of which rapidly degenerated into vicious squabbles), we just haven't been able to find any common ground on a girl’s name.

Can you, O wise and powerful Internets, help?

A few points to consider:

1. I’m not a fan of most nicknames, but I realize that they’re pretty much inevitable, so if I don’t like the most common nickname(s), even if I like the full name, I’d rather choose something else.



2. I want a name that’s relatively easy to say and spell.



3. Because the surname we're going to use is a common English word, a first name that's also a word or a place name (ex: Scarlett, Savannah) tends not to work.



4. We’re only looking for a first name. The middle name is not in play, because we’ll be selecting one from a limited list of family surnames.

To get an idea of my taste, check out the totally awesome old lady names in the comments to one of my previous posts

Also, to point you in the right direction, here are a couple of lists:

Names That I Love, But Certain Unnamed Members Of My Household Have Rejected

• Penelope


• Eleanor/Elinor


• Augusta (I realize this violates my no-place-name rule)


• Octavia (nickname Tavia or Via)


• Caroline


• Cordelia (though I'm not all that fond of the nicknames Cordy or Delia


• Agatha


• Agnes


• Helen


• Alice


• Charlotte (mostly because one of us used to know a girl whose nickname was Charlotte the Scarlet Harlot)

Beautiful, Wonderful Names That I *Should* Like, But For Various Idiosyncratic Reasons Don't Really Care For

• Elizabeth: The full name is lovely, but it's a mouthful and I'm not really feeling any of the nicknames, both the common (Liz, Beth, Betsy, Elissa) and the more obscure (Tibby, Zibby, Sabeth)


• Amelia (can’t get over fact that it means “limbless” in Latin Greek. I know. I know.)


• Virginia


• Adelaide (I just see “laide,” meaning “ugly” in French. Plus it violates my no-place-name rule)


• Adeline


• Antonia (too hard to pronounce: An-TONE-ee-a or An-toe-NEE-a?)


• Beatrix/Beatrice (I actually do like this name a lot, but the nicknames Bea or Trixie don't work for me)

So, given those parameters, won't you please, please leave a comment with the one perfect name?

all the ingredients

In our house, we call them bakies. Because, like, duh, you don't cook them, you bake them. Then we giggle hysterically. Because we're very easily amused.

This weekend, Gray looked through the Christmas cookie section of marthastewart.com, selected a slew of recipes and we baked Every. Single. One. Including, but not limited to, the chocolate waffle cookies featured in the previous post, jam-stuffed linzer sandwiches and (my personal favorite) pecan bars.

All of the recipes called for massive quantities of creamed butter, so while waiting for it soften, we constructed the structure pictured above. In homage to the Nephilim, who (in case you didn't know), were giants from outer space who built (among other things) the Great Pyramid of Giza, which predicts the imminent arrival of End Times, we called it the Great Butter Pyramid of the Apocalyse.

And then we giggled. Hysterically.

in the kitchen

You’ve probably already seen the recent New York Times article about surrogacy.

Like most such articles, it doesn’t focus on the usual happy ending, where a surrogate and intended parents work together to bring a much-wanted child into the world. Instead, it’s mostly about the outliers, the rare cases where surrogacy goes spectacularly wrong, resulting, to take one sad example, in a legal battle over twins who are genetically unrelated to either the surrogate or the intended parents, in a state where surrogacy is prohibited by law. Unsurprisingly, the overall tone is pretty negative and the comments are mostly variations on the theme of "just adopt."

It’s hard for me to get especially upset about it, though, because what really stood out was this: according to the article, there are about 750 babies born each year in the United States through gestational surrogacy. Now, I’m not sure where they came up with that number since whether or not a given birth is a surrogacy isn’t something that’s generally evident from public records. But, assuming that the calculation is more or less accurate, that’s a really, really tiny fraction of the over 4 million babies born each year in the US.

Which, I think explains a lot. Given my perspective, I tend to forget that surrogacy, and even things like donor eggs or IVF, are so far outside most people’s experience, that they must seem entirely theoretical, unreal, like fiction or, I suppose, science fiction. And I suppose I have to admit that this isn’t someplace I ever thought I’d be. But I also have to admit that, when I consider the alternatives, I’m awfully glad I’m here.

comfort and joy

My grandmother used to tell me the story of how, one December, she persuaded her younger sisters to hide a pine tree in their father’s barn and decorate it with ribbons and necklaces. She also taught me the traditional Jewish blessings and when I hear the prayers, I hear her voice, the Hebrew given the distinctive pronunciation of Eastern Europe , where her parents were born. Baruch ataw adonai, she would say, the “aw” sound drawn out and low.

Hannukah is about many things, but, both originally and in its current incarnation, at least as practiced by basically secular Jews like me, one of things it’s most about is assimilation. It’s easy enough to light a menorah and the candles look pretty as they shine from the window sill. The more difficult question, especially in households with young children or non-Jewish members, is what to do about the other December holiday. I come down on the side of no Christmas in my house, but there’s a wide range of opinions and practices and, in my mother’s living room, there’s an Advent calendar on the mantel and Easter eggs hanging from a tinsel-draped tree.

In general, I’m not a big fan of ecumenism, at least to the extent that it’s construed as blurring, rather than celebrating, differences. But I will say this: here and now, in this season of expectation, as we make our way through the Northern Hemisphere’s dark days and cold nights, there are times when every holiday, no matter what its name, looks an awful lot like a festival of lights.

night and day

Cole has been (knock wood) almost preternaturally reliable about sleeping -- down by 7:00, up at 5:30. Which is a tiny bit earlier than I like on the morning end, but not bad at all, since I've always been very much an early-to-bed-early-to-rise type.

In college, when everyone else's evening was just getting started, I'd put my head under the covers and drift off to sleep listening to the comforting hum of voices and music. In the morning, while my roommates were still in bed, I'd be the first one in the dining hall, drinking coffee at the one of the enormous oak tables, reciting lists of German verbs -- schlafen, schlief, hat geschlafen. I knew that upstairs, across the hallway, in the dorm on the other side of the street, in every room, in every bed, there were people sleeping. And I don't think I've ever felt less lonely or less alone.

What about you -- lark or night owl?

unsolicited blogging advice

What Mel said

Here's the short version:

(1) If you have a password protected blog or post, send out a mass email (including your password) to all the people you want to read your blog.

(2) If you have a blogger blog (meaning the url is something like myblogDOTblogspotDOTcom), click on your profile and make sure it's linked to your blog and your email. Set up a new email exclusively for blog stuff, if you'd like. Note: even if you don't have a real blog, you can set up a "blog" (just don't add any content), so you have a profile with an email.

So often, there are comments I want to respond to personally or that make me want to learn more of the commenter's story, but I can't because I can't find blog link or a profile or an email address anywhere. And that makes me all sad and frowny-faced. Which, believe me, is not exactly fetching.

half baked

I confess that I click over to Trish's place all the time, just so I can look at the baby ticker. Tomorrow, it tells me, we'll be at 21 weeks, which seems absolutely unbelievable. I'm feeling ridiculously optimistic and we're even starting to talk about possible names.

Since you all had such great ideas for a blog pseudonym, I'm thinking that I'd throw the question of a real name out there as well.

The kind of names that I like? Well, as someone recently pointed out, I tend to crush on names that are cool in a horn-rimmed glasses kind of way. My grandmother's sisters were Beatrice, Agnes and Helen, all of which have the kind of jolie-laide vibe I'm looking for -- not cute or conventionally pretty, but more the kind of girl who reads the dictionary for fun. I mean, if the name Hortense weren't off limits for reasons far too obvious to mention, I'd snap it up in a minute.

Any suggestions? Or, to put it another way, what were the names of your grandmother/great-grandmother and her sisters?


eta* ::squealing:: Omigosh -- Eunice, Melva, Vera, Wilhelmine, Thisbe, Lorna, Ida -- check out the comments for the awesomest names ever!

*By which I mean "edited to add," though, now that I think about it, Et(t)a would fit in perfectly.

commuting

Driving home in the dark, the radio on, the baby asleep in the back seat is when I think about, well, things. And what I was thinking about tonight was this: I've done a lot of really stupid things in my life. And (in what would be a substantially, but not completely overlapping circle in a Venn diagram) I've done a lot of things that I'm very sorry I did. And most of them were the direct and wholly foreseeable result of saying maybe when I should have said no

x is for xmas

Despite (or, more likely, because of) the fact that we don't celebrate Christmas at our house, I absolutely love pretty much every one of the holiday trappings: the Christmas lights, the Christmas trees, the Christmas cookies, the Christmas stockings.

If I were Christian and even the tiniest bit religious, I'd probably go all out, but, as it is, I don't feel obligated to do anything in particular. In fact, I feel kind of obligated to not do anything in particular (and, no, following the time-honored Jewish tradition of going out for Chinese food on Xmas Day doesn't really count). I know that some non-Christians feel alienated by the pervasive Christmasy-ness of December, but I think of it as kind of like being a guest at someone else's party or a spectator at a play -- all the fun, none of the work.

I do, however, buy presents for my many, many non-Jewish relatives and sign up for the program run by the office to buy Christmas gifts for needy kids. This year I've been matched with Javon*. All I know about him is that he's six years old and that he's asking for jeans, sweaters, a winter coat, books and arts and crafts. It's been an awfully long time since I've had to shop for a six-year-old boy and I'm kind of at a loss. So, if you have any suggestions of specific books or arts and crafts things he might like, please leave them in the comments.

eta: Thanks so, so much for all the great suggestions! You guys are absolutely brilliant!


*Not his real name, of course.